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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970558">Afterglow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirritablegrizzly/pseuds/noirritablegrizzly'>noirritablegrizzly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, After Edward Leaves, Alternate Universe - Imprinting (Twilight), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Character Death, Cullen Bashing, Edward Cullen - Freeform, Edward Cullen Bashing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Imprinting (Twilight), Manipulative Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Past Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Recovery, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Twilight New Moon - Freeform, bella was traumatized by the cullens, bella's got a lot going on, cullens don't come back, jacob is actually tolerable</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>49,260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirritablegrizzly/pseuds/noirritablegrizzly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Afterglow, the light or radiance remaining in the sky after the sun has set.</p><p>✫</p><p>After Edward leaves Bella in the forest, she isolates herself for months, until she lets Jacob Black back into her life. She had thought that the sun had set for her, but he brings back some light. </p><p>✫</p><p>Without even trying, Jacob helps Bella recover from Edward leaving her - with a lot of extra stops along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jacob Black/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any characters related to the series or franchise. All credit goes to Stephanie Meyer. </p><p>Changing Jacob's age so that he is only four months younger than Bella but born in a different year. While she is 18 throughout most of 2006 (until September, when she turns 19) he is also 18, but having just turned 18 in January. Something about her being born in 1987 and him in 1990 irks me out, I don't like that she's an actual adult while he's still 16, it feels wrong. This way, she is still a senior in high school, but he's a junior. Hope this makes a bit of sense.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After months of the heaviness of being left behind weighing on my chest as I woke each morning, I was surprised to feel a bit lighter today. The sun was shining through my window, and, even though it was snowy and cold out, I felt good, or at least better than I had felt in months. After getting ready and making myself a cup of coffee, I slipped my coat on and went to sit on the front steps, watching the world pass by as I sipped the warm drink in my hands. Looking to my neighbours house, I noticed two banged up looking motorcycles leaning against each other at the curb, with a sign saying that they were <em> free for scraps </em>, and I thought of Jacob Black. He still called to check in every once in a while, after hearing from Billy that I had been found in the woods in pretty rough shape all those months ago. Though I never answered, Charlie always made sure to pass along the message that I was free to go visit him on the rez whenever I felt up to it, and that he always offered to hangout. Charlie had even drawn out a map to Jacob’s house, leaving it on my desk one day and telling me it was there just in case I wanted to pay the Blacks a visit.</p><p>Staring down the bikes, I remembered how he had told me about the car he was fixing up, and that he had done all the work on my own truck. I could bring him the motorcycles, and ask if he wanted to fix them up, which would give me time to hang out with him. After isolating myself from my friends in Forks for so long, it felt easier to extend the olive branch to Jacob instead, and though we weren’t on bad terms, I felt like I needed to make up for being such a bad friend. With that, I made my way back inside, washed my mug, and left a note on the fridge telling Charlie where I was, and drove the truck over to my neighbours house. </p><p>After knocking on their door to ask for some help lifting the bikes into the truck, I was off, letting Charlie’s map guide me to the rez. I hadn’t even thought to call first, but I knew that Jacob had been telling Charlie the truth when he said I was free to come by anytime, that he wouldn’t just say it for the sake of saying it. </p><p>I saw Jacob walking out of the garage as I pulled up to his house, knowing that he had probably heard the monster of a truck as soon as it was near his street. He had a smile on his face, hair pinned out of the way, and he jogged over to me as I got out. </p><p>“Bella!” His grin widened, and I took in his face. He had matured over the past few months, now standing much taller than me and had obviously filled out, and while still lanky, he no longer looked like the seventeen year old I had met when I first moved here. A shock of guilt ran through me as I remembered Charlie mentioning that it had been his birthday a few days ago, and I hadn’t even called.</p><p>“Hey, Jake!” I felt myself smile, his happy energy contagious. “Happy belated birthday!”</p><p>He blushed, thanking me, then a confused look crossed his face. “What brings you out here?”</p><p>“I figured I would come visit you, maybe bring you a bit of a project?” I walked around to the tail of the truck as I talked, bringing him with me. “I found these, and, knowing I had a mechanic friend who I wanted an excuse to hang out with, thought we could try to fix these up! Get them running maybe?”</p><p>As I pulled back the tarp that covered the bikes, I heard Jake bite out a quick laugh behind me. I turned to him and looked at him in question, but he was already shaking his head as he looked at the bikes. </p><p>“You really must have a lot of faith in that mechanic friend,” He laughed a bit. “because those bikes are a second away from falling apart.”</p><p>“As long as he’s willing to put up with my company while he tries, I’ve got the utmost faith.” I grinned, trying to convince him to at least give it an attempt. </p><p>“Alright, let me get them into the garage and then we can see what we’re working with,” He opened up the tailgate, and was already lifting them out before I could even try to warn him about their weight.</p><p>“Jake! Dude, when did you get so strong?” It came out before I could stop myself, and I could feel the shock showing itself on my face. Apparently his lanky appearance didn’t matter much, because he lifted those bikes like they were nothing.</p><p>“I, uh, I started working out a bit,” he was blushing again, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “seriously, Bells, don’t look so surprised. I am a growing boy.” </p><p>There it was, the goofy boy I could vaguely remember hopping over tidepools with. He was teasing me now, talking about how not everybody was stuck being so short, and I took the chance to elbow him in the side as he wheeled one of the bikes to the garage. He snorted when I rubbed my arm, and I was again left shocked at the feeling of hard muscle that had met my elbow. This was almost too much, seeing how even though he was still the same guy I had grown up with, he was really changing. It seemed like everything around me was in a state of change, while I was left sitting where I had been for the past few months. I tried to shake off the memories trying to rise as Jake smiled at me, gesturing for me to sit on the stool in the garage as he went back out to get the second bike. </p><p>We spent the next few hours talking and joking around, figuring out something of a schedule to work on the bikes. We made a deal that he could have the better bike, that I would pay for all the replacement parts, and that I would cover pizza a few times a week for however long it took to fix the bikes. Soon enough, I had to leave, and he waved me off from the garage as I got into the truck, making my way home to get started on dinner for myself and Charlie. Today had been a really good day, and I was glad I had gone to see Jacob. He was nothing but sweet, and didn’t ask anything about what had been going on these past few months, though I could tell he wanted to. It hit me that I felt happy around him, that hanging out with him didn’t quite burn me out the same way sitting at lunch with my friends in Forks did. </p><p>That night was the first of many that I slept all the way through, without a single nightmare. Jacob was a good thing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Over the next few weeks I was at the Black’s house almost daily, spending time with Jake in the garage and doing our homework in the kitchen. On the days we weren’t at his house, we were at mine, studying and hanging out. I made sure to prioritize our schoolwork, hoping that if we kept our grades up neither Billy or Charlie could keep us from seeing each other. Jacob had become somewhat of a lifeline to me, he kept me happy and I only even had nightmares following the days I was at work and couldn’t see him. He had quickly earned the place of my best friend, and I was constantly grateful for his presence. Charlie had even taken to commenting, however briefly, on how good Jacob was for me, and that he was glad to see me smiling again. </p><p>It only took about two weeks of working on my bike for it to be finished, as it was a cheaper and smaller bike, not needing as many replacement parts. Jacob took a break between bikes, and I helped him study for an upcoming test before he started working on his own bike. This one needed more specific parts, and so here we were, bright and early, in a scrapyard, digging around for what he needed. </p><p>I wasn’t helping much, and even though we had spent weeks in the garage, I seemed to be allergic to learning anything. I could barely help Jake, and sometimes felt bad for it, but he had told me that the company was nice anyway, so that cleared up those insecurities. I was currently standing beside him, holding something that was metal and greasy, as he dug through a pile of parts in a bin. He had his hair up in a ponytail today, and it allowed me to study his side profile as he searched. I could admit that Jacob was attractive, but I wasn’t ready to even think about any form of my own attraction towards him. Though it was easier every day, I still spent so much time wallowing in the pain I had felt in the months following my break up, and I was nowhere near ready to get involved with anyone else. </p><p>“Bella?” Jake was standing in front of me now, a few parts in his hands, and he looked at me in concern. I realized I must’ve gotten caught up in my own thoughts and blushed, looking down.</p><p>“Sorry,” I blinked hard, trying to clear my mind. “what’s up?”</p><p>“Nothing, uh, you zoned out a bit there,” he smiled at me. “I was just saying how I don’t think we’ll have much more luck today, and that I’ve found pretty much all that we need.”</p><p>We made our way back to the truck, piling in and I drove us back to his house. It was still pretty early, not even noon yet, so we went into the garage and he got to work and I sat in the Rabbit, a privilege I had earned once I had proven that the only way I could avoid breaking anything was to sit still. I did get to watch him, and it had become my job to pass him tools every once in a while. I ordered a pizza and he took a break from working while we shared it, and just as he was about to get back to the bike, we heard his name being called. </p><p>“Is that Billy?” I asked, ready to get the tarp to cover the bikes up. We’d had only one close call so far, but I didn’t want to risk the news of the bikes to get back to Charlie.</p><p>“No, it sounds like a few of my friends,” Jake turned to me, smiling. “don’t worry, they’re good guys, just, uh, energetic.”</p><p>“Jake! You out here?” a voice chirped as two guys rounded the corner, stepping into the garage. The one who had spoken had longer hair that reached his chin, parted in the middle with one side tucked behind his ear. He was almost as tall as Jacob, and a bit more lean. The other boy was shorter, and a bit more built, with his hair cropped short. They stopped in the doorway when they saw me, eyes flashing between Jake and I before they both settled on me with smirks. Jake rolled his eyes in my direction, shaking his head.</p><p>“Hey, guys,” Jake greeted them, and I tried not to laugh at the lack of energy in his voice.</p><p>“Hi, Jake,” the shorter one said, still looking at me. I smiled at him in greeting, which he returned with a wink. “Hey, there.”</p><p>“Quil, Embry, this is Bella,”</p><p><em> Thanks, Jake, for the distinction between them, </em> I thought at him sarcastically. He gave me no clue as to which name belonged to which boy.</p><p>“Charlie’s kid?” the one with the shorter hair asked me, extending a hand between us.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s me,” I nodded, shaking his handing and noting his firm grasp.</p><p>“Quil Ateara,” he announced, giving one more shaking before letting go of my hand and stepping back.</p><p>“Hi, Bella, I’m Embry, you probably already figured that out though,” he smiled shyly, sending me a small smile before shoving his hand back into the pocket of his jeans.</p><p>“It’s great to meet you guys,” I nodded, smiling. </p><p>“What’re you guys up to?” Quil was still looking at me as he asked.</p><p>“Bells and I are fixing up these bikes,” I didn’t bother to correct him, though I had no part in the fixing. As soon as he motioned to the bikes though, that seemed to break Quil’s study on me. Jake’s friends made their way over to him, examining the project and the work that he had already done, firing off questions that lost me in under a second. </p><p>They were still in their conversation about parts when I realized the time, and that I needed to get back home to start on dinner for Charlie. I sighed, getting out of the Rabbit. </p><p>“We’re not boring you, are we?” Jacob asked me, looking guilty.</p><p>“Nope,” I wasn’t lying, the company was actually quite enjoyable. “I need to get started on dinner for Charlie before he tries to get me to settle for diner food again.”</p><p>“Good luck,” he smiled, having listened to me complain about my Dad’s eating habits before. “when do you want to come back to work on the bikes again?”</p><p>I thought about it before asking if tomorrow worked, ignoring the smirks from Embry and Quil. It was easy to forget that Jake was an eighteen year old boy, but the other two made it obvious. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jake smiled at me widely. “we might have to go pick up some more parts though.”</p><p>“That’s fine, I’ll be by to pick you up in the morning!” I paused for a second. “Maybe a little earlier, and we could also go pick up some breakfast?”</p><p>“Sounds like a plan,” he nodded, but was quick to follow. “but I’m covering breakfast, okay?”</p><p>“No can do, Jake,” I laughed. “I told you I was covering food and parts, that’s my payment for the work.”</p><p>“C’mon, Bells, it doesn’t seem right that you’re paying for everything,” he tried to reason. </p><p>“How much would a mechanic charge me?” When he didn’t answer, I knew I had him. “See, that’s why I’m covering it all, and it also adds up for when you’re going to teach me how to actually ride these things.”</p><p>“Alright, fine,” he shook his head, but was smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”</p><p>I watched Quil whisper something to Embry as he smirked, and Jake’s hand shot out to whack the back of his head. “Shut up, Quil,” he said impatiently.</p><p>“Nah, Jake,” I was going to leave before they started going at it. “I really do have to go now, see you tomorrow!”</p><p>I heard smacks behind me as I left the garage, Quil and Embry shouting out and laughing, which turned into groaning and a loud “ouch!”</p><p>“Sleep with one eye open tonight, Quil,” I could hear Jake threatening them before he trailed off. “and Embry, watch it . . .” </p><p>Walking around the garage to where I had parked, I giggled to myself, before realizing that here I was, walking alone, and laughing. It felt so good, made me feel so weightless, that I couldn’t help but laugh again.</p><p>After dinner, Charlie and I sat in the living room, him watching a game and myself working on homework. When we finally retired to our rooms, I had a light feeling in my chest, and fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took another two weeks of dutiful work after that, with homework sessions scattered in between, for Jake to finish his bike. Embry and Quil stopped by every once in a while, but it was usually just Jake and I. Finally, we were ready to actually ride them. I was nervous, and I hadn’t actually thought this far ahead. Jacob hadn’t questioned my sudden interest in motorcycles at the start, but if he had I wouldn’t have known what to tell him. I had only brought the bikes along to give me an excuse to talk to him, and I thought that they would take longer to fix. It had only been a month of hanging out, and today was the day that I actually had to ride the bike. I was trying to play it cool, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be the worst thing, and that I might as well try it. </p><p>As I was driving along the coast, following Jacob’s directions from where he sat in the passenger seat, I noticed a group standing on top of some cliffs. I could barely make them out, but I knew they were people. I swerved to the side of the road in shock as the group threw one of its members over the side of the cliff, into the water below. </p><p>“Jacob! Oh my God,” I turned to him to see him laughing. “they just threw someone off a cliff! We need to get help!”</p><p>“Bella, woah, calm down,” he was still laughing but had grabbed my hand to stop me from getting out of the truck. “they’re just cliff diving. It’s some weird initiation into their gang.”</p><p>“You guys have a gang here?” Since when did La Push have a gang? </p><p>“Yeah, it’s Sam Uley and his little followers.” he grimaced. “You know one of them.”</p><p>I looked at him, wondering who I could possibly know that would join a gang.</p><p>“Embry’s one of them now,” I could tell he was hurt by this. I thought of Embry, the shyer of Jacob’s two friends. He had been so sweet, what prompted him to join a gang?</p><p>I didn’t know what to say, so I started the truck again and we were on our way. I could tell that Jake didn’t want to talk about it, so I wouldn’t push him. </p><p>“You gotta take me cliff diving one day,” I spoke before I had even finished thinking it. “not from that high, but I want to try it!”</p><p>He smiled at me, rolling his eyes before agreeing. I kept driving as he fiddled with the radio.</p><p>Once we had gotten to an empty stretch of dirt road, and gotten the bikes out, Jacob started running me through the basics. The bike was heavy, and I could barely keep it upright underneath me as I stood, and Jake was teaching me about the clutch, how to brake, where the throttle and gearshift were, and reminded me not to use the foot brake, only the hand. He reminded me that I couldn’t let go of the clutch, and then helped me by kick-starting the bike. As it roared to life under men, I wobbled to the side with the force of it, and Jake had to catch me and the bike from tipping over, and he had to kick it another four times before the ignition actually caught. My knuckles were white as I gripped the clutch, and I was regretting this whole bike thing more and more with each second that passed, but there was no going back now. He had me try the throttle, then shift to first gear, before telling me that I had to ease up on the clutch a bit.</p><p>“I have to let go of it?” I couldn’t keep the shakiness out of my voice.</p><p>“It’s how you move,” he squeezed my hand that was holding the clutch. “are you sure you want to do this?”</p><p>I nodded, letting go of the clutch slightly and the bike jerked underneath me. The movement freaked me out, and I let my hands fly off the handles all together, and the bike pulled forward, yanking me with it and then collapsing on top of me as I fell. The engine choked out, and then Jacob was lifting the bike off of me. </p><p>“Bella!,” he was helping me up now. “Did you get hurt?”</p><p>“No, no,” I was a bit dazed, but other than that felt good. I wanted to go again.</p><p>“Let’s just go home, okay? We can try this another day?” Jake was almost pleading, looking me in the eyes.</p><p>“No, I’m good! It just scared me a bit, but I want to try again!” I was insistent, I wanted to feel that little burst of panic in my chest and butterflies in my stomach again.</p><p>Jacob nodded, helping me onto the bike once again and kick-starting it. It took several tries before it took, and when it did I experimented with the throttle, letting the bike growl under me. </p><p>“Easy on the clutch, Bells,” Jake was coaching me through it. “you gotta ease off slowly, okay?”</p><p>With a nod, I relaxed my hand slightly and felt the gear catch, and I was quickly pulled forward. It felt like I was flying, wind blowing hard against my face, stomach dropping, and pulse racing as I felt the adrenaline kick in. Trees were racing past me, a blurry sea of green, and I could hear Jake hollering behind me. </p><p>Focusing on my speed, wanting to go faster, I twisted my hand for more gas, and moved my foot towards the gearshift. In the second I had taken my focus off of the road, I missed that it was curving to the left. Jake hadn’t taught me how to turn. I panicked and slammed my right foot down, as I would to brake in the truck, and the bike spun out of control beneath me. I headed straight for the trees, so I jerked the handles, trying to turn. This just made the bike even less stable as it slid out under me, pulling me closer to the trees. I was thrown against something solid and sandwiched in by the bike, which had choked out as soon as I stopped. The dizziness hit me instantly, but I couldn’t lift my head to even look around. </p><p>I heard the snarl of the other bike at the same time that I heard Jake yelling my name. He lifted it off of me as soon as he was at my side, asking me if I was fine. I waved him off, moving to sit up. </p><p>“I’m good, I’m fine,” I moved my arms and legs, everything in working order. “I wanna go again!”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he sounded worried, “We should really go to the hospital first.”</p><p>“What?” I was fine, what wasn’t he getting? I wasn’t just some delicate flower.</p><p>“You’re bleeding like crazy, Bells. You’ve got a huge cut here,” he moved his hand towards my forehead, and I reached up to feel the sticky warmth. </p><p>“I’m so sorry!” I clamped down my hand over the cut, unsuccessfully trying to stop the blood flow. </p><p>“Are you apologizing for bleeding?” he wondered out loud as he pulled off his shirt, helping me press it to the cut. “Wait here while I get your truck.”</p><p>I sat and watched as he took off on his own bike, and he had almost disappeared when he made it to my truck. I didn’t realize I had gotten so far from where we started, but the ride was so exhilarating. He drove back to me, loading up my bike and then helping me into the passenger seat. I told him that we had to drop the bikes back at his house, and then we could go. He was hesitant, but allowed it because I didn’t look too bad. After we left his house, I convinced him to drive me home so I could change before going to the ER, so that we could avoid further suspicion from Charlie. I watched him as he drove, and noticed that I was shivering, but he didn’t even have a jacket. </p><p>“Jake, we should’ve grabbed you a jacket before we left, it’s freezing!” I exclaimed, eyes widening. </p><p>“Bells, I’m fine,” he shrugged. “it’s not even that cold.”</p><p>I couldn't believe him, but as I looked at him more closely, he looked completely comfortable. He even had his arm stretched over the back of the seat. Meanwhile, I was huddled up against the door, trying to conserve my heat. Looking at him like this, relaxed and driving the truck, it was hard to think that he was just eighteen, only four months younger than me. He looked so much older, and it wasn’t just due to his height. He had filled out even more over the past few weeks, and he looked older than me now. His face was losing its baby fat, and his cheekbones stood out more now. His long, dark hair complimented his skin tone, and his eyes always looked so soft and warm. </p><p>He looked over at me, scrunching up his nose. “What?”</p><p>“You’re really beautiful, Jake, like, seriously.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, asking how hard I really hit my head and laughing at my expression.</p><p>“I’m being serious, you’re so pretty,”</p><p>He shook his head, blushing a bit. “Thanks, I guess. Focus on not bleeding out, will you?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took seven stitches to close the cut on my head, and Jacob held my hand as the doctor did the sewing. By the time it was all over, I had just enough time to drop him off at his house before speeding back to make dinner for Charlie. He seemed to buy the story I fed him about falling in Jake’s garage, which wasn’t surprising. </p><p>That night, I fell into another dreamless sleep, but my thoughts were full of my best friend and motorcycles before I drifted off. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella makes some progress with her emotional constipation. Jake is, as always, supportive beyond belief.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Charlie had been on my back this week and wouldn’t let me go over to Jacob’s house. He was upset that I had cut my head open, and I tried to appease him, already feeling guilty enough for lying to him about the true nature of my injury. So, for the entire week, Jake would come to our house to study and hangout. </p><p>We were currently sitting at the kitchen table, each of us staring at our textbooks like they were going to spring up and bite us at any second. Charlie was still at work, and we had been studying for the past hour since Jake had gotten here. It was safe to say that we were both bored out of our minds and no longer retaining anything we read. I started daydreaming, imagining myself picking up the textbook and ripping it in half before taking a bite out of it, but was snapped out of it by a loud <em> thump </em> as Jacob bashed his head on the table, groaning. I couldn’t help but giggle, and he looked up and rolled his eyes at me.</p><p>“C’mon,” I stood, piling our books on top of each other. “let’s go do something.”</p><p>“Bella,” he was whining at me now. “what’s there to do in <em> Forks </em>?”</p><p>I thought about it for a second, and he wasn’t really wrong. Other than the few small stores, the diner, and my school, there really wasn’t a lot to do. I thought about going on a hike, dragging Jake along with me. I hadn’t even thought about going back into the forest since that night in September, but I remembered the beautiful meadow. I knew it probably wasn’t the best idea, but it would be nice to replace the memories made there with better memories, ones that didn’t make me nauseous when I thought about them. Jake could help me recreate those memories, and it would be fun to try to find the meadow with no trail to guide us. </p><p>“What if we went hiking?”</p><p>“What?” he was scrunching his nose at me, “Bella. you can barely take two steps without tripping over nothing.”</p><p>I rolled my eyes, smacking his arm. “That’s enough out of you, Black. There’s this cool clearing that I found with some friends when I first got here, I wanna go see if I can find it again.”</p><p>He shook his head at me but he was smiling, and I knew he would join me. I grinned back and went over to the phone, calling the police station to tell Charlie that Jake and I were going for a hike and that, <em> yes </em>, I would be safe, I would take a first aid kit, and I would try not to fall. I ran upstairs and left Jake to call Billy while I got changed into something comfier to hike in. Soon enough, we piled into the truck and were off, driving to the spot I remembered parking the last time I had been there.</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jacob was looking at me like I was crazy when I started walking off into the forest, away from the trailhead. “Bella, there isn’t even a trail! You’re going to get us lost.”</p><p>“Oh, ye of little faith,” I rolled my eyes at him. “it’s only a five mile walk, and I remember where to go, let’s get moving.”</p><p>We walked for a while, Jacob staying close behind me and shooting a hand out to stabilize me every time I tripped. Without fail, every single time, I blushed as he laughed at my clumsiness. He was still cracking jokes about it when I saw the sun shining through a break in the trees ahead of us, and I knew that we had found the meadow. My chest tightened and I forced in a deep breath as we kept walking, the knot in my stomach weighing heavier and heavier the closer we got. </p><p>“Bells, you okay?” Jake reached a hand out, resting it on my arm.</p><p>I hadn’t noticed that I had slowed down considerably, and blinked away the tears that clouded my vision to find that we were standing at the edge of the meadow. My hands shook as I sucked in deep breaths, trying to fight the panic that was building. </p><p>“He brought you here, didn’t he?” Jacob’s voice was soft, but helped calm the panic a bit. He hadn’t brought them up before, even though I knew he was curious, but hearing him acknowledge them for the first time almost sent me into a new frantic spiral. </p><p>I could only nod in response to his question, and he pulled me into one of his bear hugs, whispering an <em> Oh, Bella </em> into my hair. I wouldn’t let myself cry, couldn’t do that here, but I let Jake hold me for a minute before I pushed him away, blinking hard and taking a few steps into the clearing. It looked different than I remembered it, but that made sense. It wouldn’t always stay the same, and it was another thing that was changing, another thing passing me by. Last time I was here it was the beginning of spring, and the flowers were beautifully in bloom, but right now it was nothing but the brown, dead stalks. I looked around, my eyes landing on a damaged tree with another branch laying at the bottom of its trunk. A frantic giggle pushed past my lips before I could stop it, and my eyes widened. Months of denial, the belief that none of it was real, all of those horrible feelings of abandonment rushed back to me and I sunk to my knees. <em> It was all real. </em> </p><p>Jake was at my side in an instant, crouching down and holding me. I was blinking hard, fast, and realizing that yeah, I knew that they had left, but this is the first real proof I had that they were ever here in the first place. I had no pictures of them, and any presents from them had disappeared. Sure, I had heard people talk about them, but seeing the proof that my memory was real, that Edward had brought me here, it was all too much. The shock of realization, combined with the warmth of Jacob’s body, and the difference in the look of the meadow was just enough to push me over the edge, and before I knew what I was doing I was sobbing into Jake’s arms as he held me. </p><p>Sure, I’d cried since they left, but only ever at night, and never in front of anybody, but I was too caught up and overwhelmed to care about Jacob seeing me cry. He was so good about it, and he held me until I was just sniffling, blushing when he lifted my face to wipe the tears that stained my cheeks. The sun was low in the sky, and I knew that we had to make our way back to the truck, but I promised myself that I would return to the meadow as soon as possible, wanting to get used to the evidence that they were here, but now they’re gone. It was a bit of a wake up call, but it felt refreshing. It was hard to stomach, but I needed to get used to it, I needed to recognize that they weren’t here and that they didn’t have the power to hurt me more than they already have, and I needed to take back some of that power for myself. </p><p>Jacob was so good with me, and I knew that it couldn’t be easy for him to just support me without knowing why, but I also knew that he would never push for an answer, and that’s what I needed right now, I needed my best friend. </p><p>We didn’t talk much on the drive back to my place, but I was glad that he was sleeping over.  I wanted to thank him, to explain a bit as to why I had broken down like that, and a late night talk, after we had settled in and were comfortable at home, would make that conversation easier. We ate dinner with Charlie, and then went up to my room, and Jake sent me a soft smile as he sat himself on my bed, opening his arms for me. </p><p>We’d always been comfortable with hugging, but I knew that this was different. He knew I needed comfort right now, and that the best way to give me that was to just hold me until I was ready to talk, and that’s what we did. After a few minutes of sitting at the edge of my bed, his arms wrapped around me, he moved us back so that he was resting against the headboard and I was propped up against his side. I took a deep breath, thinking about what words today, before reaching up to grab his hand that was wrapped around me, holding me against him.</p><p>“I’m sorry for lying,” I spoke softly, cringing at the raspiness of my voice.</p><p>“Bells, I knew you hadn’t spoken to your friends in months, much less gone hiking with them,” I could feel the vibration of his chest against my cheek as he spoke. “I wasn’t gonna question it, though, I just knew you needed to go.”</p><p>Jacob was too smart for his own good, he knew me too well. I couldn’t help the blush that rose to my cheeks, embarrassed that he had seen right through me. </p><p>“He brought me there, our first date,” I felt him stiffen, but kept going. “it looked so different then, nothing like how it looked today. It was so pretty and it was perfect. It, uh, seeing it today sort of made me realize that he was actually real. Wait, no, I knew he was real, it just made the fact that things changed real, and that he was here and now he’s not and that they all left and it made all of that real. I’m really not making sense.”</p><p>He tightened his arm around me, squeezing me in a comforting way when I started rambling. I had no clue how to explain it, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say. </p><p>“It’s fine, I get what you mean,” his voice sounded thick, like he was getting emotional. “Shit, Bella, I hate seeing what he did to you.”</p><p>“No, no, please,” why was he making it sound like that, like they were horrible to me. “Jake, really, it wasn’t that bad. I get why they needed to leave, and I know I didn’t handle it well.”</p><p>“It’s alright, you handled it how anyone would, nobody expects you to handle it any differently. It’s just, well, seeing how you reacted in that clearing, Bella, it was a bit scary. It’s like you were just stuck there.”</p><p>I sucked in a breath. “Jake, I’m watching everything around me change, I’m watching people grow and I’m watching the seasons pass by, and everything is changing but I feel likeI <em> am </em> stuck, like I’m still stuck in that forest last September. It’s like I’m just stuck there. Some days it gets harder to deal with, but it’s getting better, I know you see it. I really am feeling better, even if it sucks sometimes.”</p><p>He shifted, adjusting so that he could look down at me and tilted my head up, making me meet his eyes. “Bella, you might not see it, but you’re changing too. You rode a motorcycle, for goodness sake, and you’re smiling and laughing on your own. You’re going to graduate high school in a few months, despite everything that’s happened. If that isn’t change then I don’t know what else you want me to tell you. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”</p><p>I was quiet after that, thinking over what he had said. Even though I knew he was right, I couldn’t help the part of me that screamed that it wasn’t enough, that I was still behind everyone as they flew past me. We sat like that, him holding me, both of us thinking, until we heard Charlie turn the TV off and make his way upstairs. At the interruption, I pushed myself away from Jake, grabbing my pyjamas and heading to the washroom, leaving him to change in my room as I took a few minutes to compose myself. That was the most that I had spoken about them in months, but I didn’t have quite the same heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It stung, I knew it would, but talking to Jake helped, having him listen and support me felt good. </p><p>He didn’t ask me anymore questions for the rest of the night, and I was once again hit with the realization of how grateful I was for Jake, how he had done nothing but help me. He lay on the cot that we had put under my window, for whenever he slept over, and I faced him from my bed as we talked about mindless things until we fell asleep. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It had been a few weeks since that day in the meadow, and Jake hadn’t brought it up again, something I was thankful for. We still hung out almost everyday, and had gone back to alternating between our houses, and it was so natural. He had even encouraged me to reconnect with some of my old friends, and at school we had made a plan to go to see a movie in Port Angeles tonight. I had invited Jake, and he was excited to pick me up. He had finished the Rabbit and was going to drive the both of us to the theatre in it, and I was excited to see how it drove. </p><p>When we got to the theatre, I was surprised to see Mike standing alone, outside. When he noticed Jake and I walking toward him he smiled and raised a hand to greet us.</p><p>“Hey, guys,” he was still smiling as he shook Jacobs hand and nodded at me. “Jess and Angela both caught that bug that’s been going around, and Ben stayed back to take care of Angela, so it’s just us.”</p><p>It was nice to see Jacob and Mike getting along so well, and I was glad that Mike had finally backed off from his constant flirting with me. We joked around and got our tickets and snacks before finding our seats. About halfway through the movie I looked over at Mike, and noticed that he seemed a bit pale.</p><p>“Mike, psst,” I nudged him and he turned to look at me. “are you feeling okay?”</p><p>He shook his head and I helped him up, motioning for Jake to come with us as I led him out into the hall where he bolted for the men’s room. After a few minutes, I had Jake peek in to check on him, and he came back with his nose scrunched up.</p><p>“He’ll be out in a minute, he said he’s just going to head home.” he shook his head. “He probably has the same bug as everyone else.”</p><p>I nodded, and pulled Jake down to sit next to me as we waited for Mike. I leaned my head against his shoulder and noticed the heat radiating from him. I knew that he ran warm, and joked about him being my personal heater, but he was seriously burning up now. I watched him lift a hand to brush his hair out of his face, and noticed how it was trembling. </p><p>“Jake!” I gasped. “I think you’re sick too, you’re shaking and burning up.”</p><p>“I didn’t really want to say anything,” he turned to me and smiled sheepishly. “I don’t think I’m feeling all that well either.”</p><p>I shook my head as I told him to stay seated before I walked over to the men’s room, knocking lightly before opening the door a bit. I called out to Mike, telling him that Jake wasn’t feeling well either and that I needed to get him home, before asking if he himself needed anything. He waved me off and told me that his father was going to pick him up, and that he had a fun time tonight. I smiled lightly before excusing myself and heading back to Jake, getting him up and helping him to the car. I drove, even though it was his car, and once at his house helped him into his room before asking Billy if I could use his phone to call Charlie and ask for a ride. As I waited outside for Charlie to arrive, I talked a bit with Billy, and he thanked me for going out of my way to get his son home safely, and not letting him drive himself in that state. I smiled and waved him off, assuring him that it really wasn’t out of my way. A few minutes later, Charlie pulled up, and I waved goodbye to Billy, shouting to him to keep me updated on Jacob. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The weekend dragged on forever, as I had also seemed to pick up the bug and spent the next two days hunched over the toilet bowl, and had to call off from work, but was feeling well enough to go to school on Monday. Once I had gotten home from school, I went straight for the phone, calling the Black house. Billy picked up, sounding rough, and told me that the doctor said that Jacob had caught mono and that he was to stay isolated until he was cleared. I was upset to hear that I couldn’t even go visit him, and felt worse when Billy told me that Jake couldn’t talk on the phone, his throat too sore. He told me that they would call me once Jacob had recovered, but not to worry too much before then, and rejected my offer to bring them by a batch of soup and some other prepared dinners. I spent the rest of the night working on homework, upset that Jake had to be alone while he was sick and that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a while, at least until his fever broke. </p><p> </p><p>After three days without a call from Jake, I started calling his house, where I either wouldn’t get an answer or would have Billy tell me to stop calling. Another week goes by, and I still call everyday with no actual answer and no sign of Jake. It hit me, one night as I’m lying in bed thinking about my best friend, that he must have had enough of me. That had to be it, because there’s no way he was still too sick to answer the phone, and Billy’s excuses had gotten to be very suspicious sounding. I didn’t want to accept that our friendship was over, that he didn’t want me anymore, but that was the only thing I could think about. I didn’t know what I did, but I had messed up with my best friend. I cried myself to sleep that night, and was met with a nightmare worse than any I’d had since I started hanging out with Jacob. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoy, I always appreciate any and all feedback!</p><p>Slightly shorter than the first chapter, but this is already much more quickly than I had expected it to. </p><p>I also wanted to make Mike a better person, since he's both Bella's coworker and friend, and so he's more tolerable and respectful. And,,, I know the whole shift thing makes them angry and agitated before it happens, but Jake also has good control and deserves more credit than he really gets, and I know he wouldn't let his anger get the best of him in front of Bella, so he just says he isn't feeling well and keeps his mouth shut. I'm trying to make him more tolerable here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella is greeted by a surprise, and then it gets really angsty, and then really sad. Some nice bonding moments with Charlie as well.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next week had passed by in a blur of school, work, and calling the Black house. Once the weekend hit, on a rare sunny day so early in the season, I decided to head back out to the meadow. I knew it was a bad idea, especially to go alone, but I needed to see it again. I packed up a small bag with lunch and an extra sweater, and then headed off.</p><p>It took a while to find again, but it was easier to approach this time. The meadow was starting to look a bit more vibrant, signs of new growth peeking out through the freshly thawed ground, and I smiled to myself. I didn’t dare look over in the direction of the damaged tree, but sunk to my knees, running my hands over the dry grass. It wasn’t the same meadow I had dreamed about for all those months, one full of life, but one that brought along the reality of what had happened, and I was starting to accept that fact. I don't know how long I knelt there, eyes cast down, but when I looked up again I jumped, realizing that I wasn’t alone anymore. I squinted, placing a name to the face. <em> Laurent </em> . As soon as I made the connection I gasped, standing upright, and he sped over, stopping about ten feet away from me, smirking. As I stared at him, it hit me. He was the same Laurent that I had last seen at the Cullen’s house, nothing about him had changed. He was the one other thing that had not changed. As wrong as it was, I couldn’t help but feel some sort of sick relief, <em> he hadn’t changed. </em></p><p>“Bella?” HIs voice was like music, and he looked surprised to see me there. </p><p>I couldn’t help but smile at him. “You remembered.”</p><p>He nodded, taking a step closer as he looked me up and down. I knew that I should be afraid, that Laurent hadn’t changed, that he still had those red eyes, and that I didn’t have the same protection as last time, but I wanted him to get even closer. I hadn’t been around a vampire in months, and I could smell the telltale, sweet scent even though I was still so far from him. </p><p>“Weren’t you in Alaska?” It hit me that he wasn’t supposed to be here, and it didn’t seem like he had any company.</p><p>He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, stance relaxed. “I was, for a while. It wasn’t quite as perfect as promised, so I came to visit the Cullens. Though I didn’t expect to find their house empty.”</p><p>“They left.” The words felt hollow as they left my mouth, and left a sickening taste behind.</p><p>“That’s too bad,” he smirked. “and they just left you behind? You’re their pet, no?”</p><p>I blushed, looking down. “‘was something like that.”</p><p>He hummed, closing more of the distance between us. The closer he got, the stronger his scent became, and I didn’t want him to stop. What had been said all that time ago was true, then, about being the perfect predator. The sweet scent brought me comfort that I had lost in September, and I couldn’t find it in me to be afraid of the red eyed monster that had stopped in front of me, raising a hand and stroking my cheek. I leaned into the cold touch, light as a feather, and it took everything I could muster in me to not close my eyes, not sigh at the comfort. </p><p>“Do they ever visit, pet?” His voice was gentle as I felt his breath fan across my face, giving me a stronger, more concentrated version of his scent. </p><p>I shook my head, I couldn’t speak over the sensation of cotton that seemed to fill my mouth. </p><p>“That’s too bad, I was hoping they would be here, I have a friend who wanted to see them as well.” A friend? He was alone, there was nobody but the two of us in the meadow, and I don’t think any of the Cullens’ cousins would have visited while Laurent’s eyes were still red. </p><p>His eyes were still red. The cousins were vegetarians too, he was going to be a vegetarian. Why were his eyes red? Shouldn’t they have changed by now?</p><p>“You, um, your eyes are red,” I was confused, why were his eyes still red?</p><p>His eyes were smiling as he laughed, and it sounded like he was mocking me. “Yes, little one, the Denali’s diet wasn’t anywhere near satisfying. I slipped, cheated, and it’s so much easier.”</p><p>He wasn’t a vegetarian. He drank from humans. He still kills people. He was going to kill me. There’s no way he would just leave me here alive. I felt my heart race, but I still couldn’t find it in me to step away from him. </p><p>“You know, Victoria isn’t going to like this.” At my confused look, he continued. “She wanted to, let’s say, have a <em> talk </em>, with your little boyfriend specifically. She didn’t like that he had killed her mate to protect some little human girl.”</p><p>As he spoke he raised his hand to cup my face, and I couldn’t look away from his eyes, but my mind was running in circles, trying to make sense of his words. Victoria. The redhead from the clearing, when we went to play baseball. The pretty lady with the feline features. She was James’ mate. Edward killed James. Victoria wanted to kill Edward. Or me. Or all of the Cullens. Victoria was still around. </p><p>“I guess she would have to settle for you now, naturally,” he smiled. “but, you’ve been so welcoming. I can offer you a mercy she wouldn’t give you?”</p><p>I was confused again, what mercy would that be? He must have read the confusion on my face, and the smile contorted into a sickening smirk.</p><p>“She’ll just draw it out, make it as painful as possible. I would be done so fast that you would feel no pain.”</p><p><em> He was going to kill me. </em> Now the panic set it, and I knew that he read that on my face as well. I was going to die here, in this already dead meadow, without a friend in the world. Would anyone ever find my body? What would happen to Charlie? Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about abandoning my dad again, leaving him all alone in that house that had never gotten over the past.</p><p>“Now, now, don’t be afraid,” sick words to say while I watched his eyes darken. “I won’t let you feel any of it.”</p><p>There was no way out of this, his hand was on my face, his body towering over me. Even if he had been standing farther away, I had no chance at out running him. Nobody would hear me if I screamed, and even if someone did, he would run away faster than they could even process what they heard. Thoughts of my father, my mother, her husband, all of the friends I had made, <em> Jake </em>, all ran through my head, and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want the last thing I saw to be the face of my killer, and instead focused on a memory from a month ago, sitting at the dinner table with Jacob, Billy, and Charlie. They would never know what happened, but they would also never know that they were the only things to bring me comfort in my last moments. I felt Laurent tilt my head upwards, exposing my neck to him, and I heard him inhale deeply as his tongue darted out, licking a stripe from my collarbone to just under my jaw, his venom leaving a tingling trail. </p><p>I felt the sharpness of his teeth skim over the thin skin on my neck, before feeling him abruptly jerk away. My eyes flew open as his hands left me, and saw him standing several feet away from me. I was frozen in fear, but it seemed like he was too. </p><p>“<em>Impossible</em>.” I heard him speak softly, eyes wide as he looked into the trees that surrounded the meadow. </p><p>At his word, I sunk to the ground, trying to catch my breath. I looked back up, watching him spin in all directions, as wolves as large as horses streamed through the trees, trapping him within their circle. A shuddering breath left my body and one of the wolves, with shaggy, russet brown fur, turned to look at me, and my breath stopped again as we locked eyes, neither of us looking away. After a moment I blinked, breaking whatever weird connection I had with the animal and realized that I was in a meadow with a vampire and some huge wolves. </p><p>A shiver ran down my spine as I got to my feet, backing away to the safety of the trees. As soon as I had broken the treeline, I ran through the forest, trying to get to the safety of my truck as soon as possible. It was like my body was on autopilot; I didn’t trip once, never looked back, wasn’t even paying attention to my surroundings, but made it to the truck faster than I ever had. With shaking hands, I started the truck and drove home as fast as possible, pushing the limits of my truck.</p><p>When I got home I pushed through the door, grateful that Charlie was not yet home from work, and locked myself in the bathroom. I immediately got under the spray of the water, turning it to the hottest setting, and sat on the floor of the tub as the searing water ran over me. I stayed under its stream until the water was ice cold, then changed into my pyjamas. After quickly making Charlie a plate and leaving it in the microwave, with a note explaining that I wasn’t feeling well and was just going to sleep, I shut myself in my room for the night. I made sure my window was locked, curtain drawn, and pulled all of my spare blankets from my closet, piling them on top of my body after I climbed into my bed. I was shaking, though not from the cold, and felt the nausea rolling in my stomach. My head was throbbing too hard for me to even think, and yet I still couldn’t bring myself to sleep. My jaw clenched, I forced my eyes closed, trying not to throw up as the room spun around me. </p><p>I didn’t sleep the entire night, and when Charlie came in to check on me in the morning, he noticed that I was running a fever. He brought me cold medicine and told me that he had to go to work, to call him if I needed anything at all, and that I was to stay in bed all day. He said that he would worry about his own dinner, and that he wanted me to get some rest. I had no complaints there, and was finally able to get some sleep once the sunlight was shining through the cracks in my curtains. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I don’t know what time I woke up at, but opened my eyes to see light from the small lamp illuminating my room from my bedside table, where a steaming mug of tea and more medication sat. I blinked hard, sitting up and yawning, before looking around. Charlie was sitting in my rocking chair which he must have dragged closer to my bed, and smiled at me softly as I yawned again.</p><p>“Hey, Bells,” he spoke softly. “feeling any better?”</p><p>I nodded as he handed me the tea and pills, taking note of how there was no longer any nausea coiling in my stomach, and that my head was no longer pounding. We sat in silence for a few minutes as I figured out what to say.</p><p>“What time is it?” my voice crackled through each word, and I winced.</p><p>Charlie only smiled. “It’s around ten in the evening now, Bella.”</p><p>Ten. I had fallen asleep just after Charlie had left for work, which was around six in the morning. I had slept for something like sixteen hours. I still felt so exhausted though. </p><p>Charlie helped me to the bathroom, leaving a change of clothes for me on the counter and told me to take a shower while he changed my sheets. I had sweat right through everything, and felt sticky and gross. After a quick shower and brushing my teeth, I slipped on the clothes Charlie had left, and smiled to myself when I noticed that he had chosen one of Jake’s hoodies. They were always the best, most comfortable and soft, and smelled like him. I walked back to my room, where Charlie was sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for me. He patted the spot beside him, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder once I sat down. I knew my relationship with my father was awkward, but it was moments like these that reminded me of how good of a parent he was, and how much I loved him.</p><p>“Thank you, Dad,” I murmured to him, just loud enough that he could hear it. “you’re the best.”</p><p>I felt the chuckle rumble through his chest as I slumped against him, growing drowsy as he ran his fingers through my hair. </p><p>“Let’s get you back to bed,” he shifted me so that I was lying down, and pulled my blankets over me. “you’re wiped out, kid.”</p><p>I smiled, enjoying the feeling of fresh sheets around me, and love for my father swelled in my chest. He kissed me once on the forehead before shutting off my lamp and making his way out of my room, letting the door softly click shut behind him. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took a few days for the shakiness to go away, but after a few weeks I was back to my somewhat regular self. I had been dreaming about the wolves from the meadow every night following the incident, and always caught a flash of bright red hair just before waking up. I felt somewhat hollow as I went through my daily routines, and I attributed it to having almost been killed, as well as the lingering impact of losing my best friend. I could tell that Charlie was worried about me, but I kept my grades up and was eating properly, so he didn’t bug me about it. I still checked in with the Black house daily, but had limited myself to only one call per day. It had been about a month since I had last heard from Jacob, and the fact that he really wanted nothing to do with me was finally sinking in. </p><p>One last phone call, I told myself, and this time I left a message.</p><p>“Jake, I don’t even know if you listen to these or not. Listen, I can’t keep doing this. I’m not giving up, and if you ever want to reach out I’ll be here, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. If you didn’t want to be friends you could’ve just told me, I would’ve understood. Why didn’t you at least tell me? Anyway, I’m really sorry for whatever I did, and I would take it back in a heartbeat if I knew what it was. I just want my best friend back. God, this is so hard. Okay, I’m going to come sit in your driveway, tomorrow. You can come see me if you want, but I won’t push you. I’ll stop calling and bugging you after that, it would just be nice to get some closure or something, I guess. I’m sorry, Jake.” </p><p>I choked on a sob as I slammed the phone back into its cradle on the wall, and sunk to my knees on the floor of the kitchen. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but I must have fallen asleep at some point. I woke up to Charlie gently shaking me, concern written on his face. </p><p>“Bells, what happened?” he was sitting on the floor with me, rubbing my back, and it took everything to not break down into sobs again.</p><p>“He still won’t talk to me, Dad. What did I do wrong?” my throat was tight and it hurt to speak, but I kept going. “I’m going to drive to his place tomorrow, and I’m going to just sit outside. If he comes out, he comes out. If not, I told him I would leave him alone until he reached out. I don’t want to lose him, Daddy, I can’t.”</p><p>I was choking on sobs now, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I hated who I had become, some girl crying into her dad’s chest, sitting on the floor of the kitchen, all over some boy. But I was so glad that my dad was here, that he was so supportive. He might not be the best with words, but his strong, silent comfort was more than enough. We sat there for a while longer before he kissed my forehead and got up, pulling me with him. He brought me to the living room, sat me down in the middle of the couch, and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, before going back into the kitchen to order the two of us a pizza and coming back to settle in beside me. We watched TV silently for a few hours, simply sitting in a comfortable silence, before turning in for the night. I knew that the next day would be rough, no matter what the outcome would be, but I was able to fall into a deep, undisturbed sleep. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After waking up, I threw on some sweats and packed myself some snacks, and then drove to Jacob’s house, setting up camp on his driveway. I never left the cab of his truck, sitting there silently, sometimes daydreaming, other times watching his house, until it started to grow dark. I had spent the whole day there, but was leaving with nothing more than I had arrived with. I let a few tears slip out as I drove away from his house, and my breath caught when I saw a figure walking down the street, back facing my direction. Getting over my initial reaction to thinking they were Jake, I recognized them as Quil. I pulled over behind him before opening my door, shouting his name. He turned, looking confused, before smiling soft once he saw it was me.</p><p>“Need a ride anywhere?” I offered as he walked closer. I took note of his appearance, and how tired and withdrawn he looked. </p><p>He nodded, smiling and thanking me as he climbed into the passenger seat. As he got settled, he turned to me. “Did you see Jake?”</p><p>I shook my head, explaining how I hadn’t seen him in around a month and what I had been doing at the Black house today. He nodded along before telling her that it had been the same on his end, but that he had seen Jacob out and spending time with Sam and his gang. I could’ve sworn I felt my blood freeze when Quil said that, and I could tell that he felt the same. We didn’t say much after that, but he gave me his number before I dropped him off at his house, and we parted with the mutual promise to call each other if we heard anything from our friend. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>That night was one of the hardest, but I fell asleep quickly, so tired from the constant emotional exhaustion. </p><p>
  <em> I was walking through the forest, surrounded by dark trees, and I recognized the route as the one that took me to the meadow. I followed, moving in a haze, until I reached the edge of the clearing. It was dead and grey, all the plants dry and gone. There, I saw Edward, glowing in the pale moonlight, with Jacob by his side. Though they had space in between them, they had matching looks of disgust on their faces.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Did you really think you could ever be enough, Isabella, for anyone?” Edward’s words sliced right through me, and I struggled to stay standing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You really thought I would want you?” Jacob had his lip curled in disgust, and he gestured towards Edward. “You thought I would want this guy’s leftovers?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They laughed, walking towards me. I was shaking now, I wanted to run away, but it was like I was rooted to my spot. Edward raised his hand to my face, cupping my cheek, and Jacob had reached out to take my hand in his. Though their words were sharp, they were so gentle when they touched me. First Edward leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead, resembling the day he had left me in September, before walking back to the center of the meadow. Then Jacob pulled me closer, pressing his lips to the spot where Edward’s had just been, before he joined Edward. They both smirked at me, before turning away from each other and leaving the meadow, disappearing into the trees. I wanted to chase after one of them, both of them, but I still couldn’t move. I was all alone in the meadow, stuck in my spot, as it changed around me. I watched as the flowers grew back rapidly, as the grass filled out, until it was perfect. But I still couldn’t move. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You think you could get away from me?” A voice like wind chimes sounded across the meadow, and I watched as the woman with fiery red hair strolled over to me. Panic gripped my chest as I watched Victoria get closer and closer, until she was right in front of me. I squeezed my eyes shut, but she was quick to grab me by the chin and hiss, making me pop them back open. I took in the two new figures standing behind her, and my stomach dropped when I recognized that Edward and Jacob were back, but they were smiling and with her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She grabbed my hair and pulled, forcing me to expose my neck to her. I gasped, tears escaping my eyes as I heard the combined laughter of all three of them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I felt Victoria’s sharp teeth dig into my throat and I screamed, then everything went dark. </em>
</p><p>I woke up with a gasp to someone shaking me. I flailed, pushing myself backwards, breathing heavy. </p><p>“Bella! It’s me, it’s Dad!” Charlie was grabbing my shoulders, making me look him in the eyes. I blinked a few times before I relaxed, slumping over. I heard him let out a sigh in relief as he watched me calm down, and he brought me into a hug. </p><p>It took a few minutes before I could breathe properly, and I looked around, noticing the dim light that made its way through the cracks in the corner. It must have been just before dawn. </p><p>“I thought they were getting better, Bells,” Charlie’s voice cracked as he looked at me in concern. “you were screaming bloody murder.”</p><p>I just shook my head, eyelids drooping, and he took the hint that I wanted to go back to sleep. He helped me get back under my blankets, kissed me on the forehead, and then quietly left the room. I fell back asleep, but this time there were no dreams or nightmares to greet me. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This got angsty really fast but Bella comes clean about some stuff!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had been existing in a haze for the past week, since that day at Jacob’s. I was barely sleeping, always waking up to Charlie shaking me, throat sore from screaming, and it was getting hard to stomach food. I still went through my daily routine of school, work, homework, and making dinner, but I flew through the tasks on autopilot. I had once again isolated myself from my friends at school, and was barely talking. Charlie would watch me, always on edge, with worry strongly written on his face. He was always hesitant to leave me alone, but I urged him to go see Billy, go fish with Harry, and to pick up as many shifts as he wanted at work. I no longer called Jacob, but I always had one of his sweaters in my bed, sitting by my pillow. As much as I missed him, I needed the reminder that he was real, just as I had needed the reminder that Edward was real. </p><p>When I wasn’t thinking about Jacob, I couldn’t help but think of Laurent and Victoria. There was no way that those wolves had been strong enough to kill Laurent, even though they were huge. I now constantly worried that Laurent was out there, somewhere, waiting for a chance to come and finish me off. I knew that he must have told Victoria that I was here, unprotected, and I broke out in goosebumps whenever I thought of what she was going to do to me. I couldn’t help but to let the paranoia grow, always looking around when I left the house, and I could swear that I saw flashes of red hair through the trees that surrounded Forks. </p><p>The weekend had rolled around, and Charlie had gone on a two day fishing trip with both Billy and Harry, so I was home alone. I woke up screaming from another nightmare on Saturday morning, and sat for a few minutes, breathing heavy and trying to calm my racing heart. The dreams were always the same, with Jacob and Edward watching as Victoria finished me off. Sometimes I would see Laurent standing in the back, smiling at me. There was one night, where it was only Edward and Victoria in the clearing, and right before Victoria killed me, the same russet brown wolf walked into the clearing and met my eyes. I hadn’t woken up screaming that night, but instead with a shuddering gasp. </p><p>Charlie being gone gave me time to go through with what I had been planning for today. I was going to head down to La Push, but not to see my best friend. I had been thinking about him being in Sam’s gang, which had led me to the memory of their supposed initiation, cliff diving. Jake had promised to take me cliff diving, but decided that he would only take me from a shorter spot along the cliffs, and that we would wait until the summer, when the ocean wasn’t as choppy and the temperature wasn’t as cold anymore. It was stupid, but I was sick of sitting around, feeling numb, and clinging to memories of people who had left me. I was going to go find the cliffs for myself, and jump from the same one I had watched Embry get thrown off of those few months ago. If it didn’t kill me, the jump would be enough to make me feel something, anything again, and that was just what I needed.</p><p>I packed a small bag, left Charlie a note, in case he returned to an empty house tomorrow, and swallowed the lump in my throat as I hurried to my truck before I could lose the nerve. Charlie would understand, he had watched me cry enough and I knew it was wrong but maybe this could give him some relief from the stress of having to look after me.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long to find a good place to park, but it did take a while for me to find the rough trail that eventually led me to the highest cliff. The wind was blowing wildly, whipping my hair across my face as I approached the edge. The towering height made me queasy, made my stomach knot up with nerves, but it wasn’t enough to stop me. The ocean was black below, breaking with rough waves against the rocky cliff face at the bottom. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but willed myself to not break, and stepped forward until I was standing with my toes over the edge. I closed my eyes, smelling the damp air, mixed with the smell of the salt from the ocean, and smiled softly as I broke, letting the tears run down my cheeks. This was it, I would either feel something more, or not have to worry about how I was feeling at all. I was ready. </p><p>With a deep breath, I pushed myself forward, and suddenly I was falling. I twisted through the air, wind whistling past me, and screamed. All too quickly I hit the water, and the air was punched out of my lungs as the waves threw me against the rocks. My head jerked back, and I felt the blinding pain as it bashed against a sharp rock. I was panicking now, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. This isn’t what I wanted to feel. My head broke the surface but I couldn’t get a breath in before I was pushed under again, and I opened my eyes in the stinging water. A wave pushed me violently against the rocks again, and my skull cracked against it, in the same spot as the last time. I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, but right before darkness consumed me I saw red darting towards me, before nothing at all. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“<em>Bella! Breathe, come on,” </em></p><p>I was coughing, my lungs were burning, my head was pounding, everything hurt and everything was cold. Salty water kept pushing past my lips and there was a weight repeatedly pushing on my chest. The weight lifted, and then there was something warm on my face, brushing the hair out of the way. I forced my eyes open, and was met with sharp light. I blinked hard, trying to clear the fuzziness, and once clear I was met with the sight of familiar brown eyes, trying to catch my own. <em> Jake </em>. It couldn’t be him. I must’ve died, and this was my own personal hell. </p><p>I tried to lift my arms, push his face away, get away from him, but I found that I barely had the strength to even move. I whimpered as he pulled my into his chest, cradling me there as he walked across the beach to where a group of guys were waiting. I swayed in his arms as he walked, and felt my eyes grow tired. I didn’t want to know what was waiting for me now, so I let my eyes fall shut, and drifted off into sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When I came to, I was no longer freezing cold, but my head was pounding. I blinked and tried to sit up, groaning as the pressure in my head increased. I felt hands make contact with my shoulders as they steadied me, and they didn’t let go until I was leaning against the back of what I assumed was a couch. My vision was swimming, and I could barely make out anything in front of me. A sharp pain at the back of my head made me reach my hand up, trying to find the source, but I was stopped when a hand grabbed my wrist.</p><p>“Slow down, Bella,” I recognized the voice as they spoke softly. “you banged yourself up pretty badly.”</p><p>They let go of my hand and I rubbed my eyes, trying to help them clear so that I could see who and what was around me. After a minute of rubbing and blinking, I was finally able to make sense of things. Jacob sat to my right, watching me closely, and I was sitting in his living room. I could hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen, but knew that it wasn’t Billy. </p><p>“What’re you doing here?” My voice was rough and cracked on the last word, and I cringed at the sound.</p><p>“What am <em> I </em>doing here?” Jake was raising his voice now. “Bella, you threw yourself off of a damn cliff!” </p><p>Suddenly the memories of the past day caught up with me, and I was sent reeling at the fact that I had jumped off of the cliff, and that Jacob had saved me. </p><p>“Oh,” I didn’t know how to respond. Should I thank him? What does someone say in this situation?</p><p>“<em> Oh </em>?” I watched Jake look at me incredulously. “What the hell were you doing up there?”</p><p>“‘Got bored, Jake,” I wasn’t going to tell him the other reason. “I wanted to try and have some fun.”</p><p>“Go to a movie for fun! You don’t go jumping off of cliffs, especially alone, just because you’re bored!” the more his voice rose, the more the throbbing in my head increased, but I didn’t want him to stop talking. This is the most he had said to me in months, and I didn’t want it to end. </p><p>I must’ve flinched at the volume of his voice, because his face immediately softened and he pulled me back into his arms. He was so warm, and he smelled the same as I had remembered. I never wanted him to let go. We sat like that for a minute, but were interrupted much too soon by two more people walking into the room. I recognized one as being Sam, the man who had found me in the woods in September, but the other was a woman with scars marring the side of her face. Sam’s face was hard, his mouth pressed into a thin line, but the woman smiled at me softly. Jake pulled away from me, but stayed seated beside me. The two walked over to me, Sam sitting himself on the recliner across from us, and the woman walking closer before she knelt in front of where I was sitting.</p><p>“Hi, Bella,” her voice was soft and sounded almost musical. “I’m Emily! How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Hello,” my own voice was soft, but more hoarse. “pretty sore, and my head really hurts.”</p><p>She nodded, getting up and going back into the kitchen, then returning with a full glass of water and some pain medication. She had me follow her finger with my eyes and asked me a few questions before deciding that I didn’t have a concussion, and that the pain must be coming from the wound at the back of my head, which I found out that she had stitched up herself. She explained to me that she had been studying to become a nurse before changing her mind and dropping out, and that if I needed anything to tell Jacob so that he could call her. She smiled once more at me as I thanked her, and then walked over to where Sam was now standing. After he and Jacob exchanged nods, they left, and I was alone with my best friend.</p><p>“I’m going to bring you home, okay?” we were still sitting on the couch next to each other, but he had turned to look at me. “I’ll stay over with you.”</p><p>I couldn’t really argue, as Emily had instructed him to keep an eye on me, and let him lead me out to where my truck was parked out front. He must’ve gone to get it while I was napping, but I didn’t really care much to ask. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When we got back to my house I let him carry me inside, absolutely exhausted from the day I had. He dropped me on my bed before going to run a warm bath for me, leaving me to get undressed and wrap myself in a towel until he came back. Though he left me in the bathroom alone, he sat outside against the door and talked to me the whole time I was bathing. I didn’t respond much, but it was nice to hear his voice again after so long. After pulling on pyjamas and leaving the bathroom, I noticed how late it was, and Jake and I settled into my room for the night. He tucked me into my bed and was getting up to go to the cot, but I reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could get too far. </p><p>“Stay,” I could only whisper, trying to push down the panic I felt at the thought of him leaving.</p><p>“Bella,” he looked torn, and shook his head. “I’m not going to do that to you now.”</p><p>“No, Jake,” I just wanted him to stay. “only to sleep, please.”</p><p>His face broke into a small smile like this, and he climbed into the bed, pulling me into his arms. The bed was too small for us to be any further apart, but I didn’t want to be anywhere but his arms. He felt so warm, so much like home. </p><p>“Missed you, Jake,” I whispered after he had gotten settled in. My voice cracked, but I willed myself not to start crying. "Thought you were gone too."</p><p>“I missed you too, Bells,” he leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead and I smiled at the feeling. “‘m not going anywhere, never again.”</p><p>His words sent me spiralling into a blubbering mess, and I could hear how genuine they were, how solid his voice was. It wasn’t like the last time I had heard it, where they sounded pained, but instead Jacob sounded strong, as if it were written in stone that he would never leave again. He held me as I sobbed, stroking my hair and whispering reassurances. I fell asleep soon after that, comfortable in the arms of my best friend, the boy I had missed so much. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Really, pet, you didn’t think that those animals could stop me, did you?” Laurent was circling me, and we were in the meadow again. His eyes were a blazing red, and he laughed when I began to shake. On the ground in front of me I recognized the large, russet furred wolf. Its chest was heaving and it whimpered in pain, blood oozing from a huge gash on its neck. I wanted to go to it, to stop the bleeding and save it, but I was rooted to my spot.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I heard Laurent’s laughter trail off, and noticed that he had vanished, Victoria in his place. Edward stood behind her, watching and smiling. She darted towards me, grabbing my face in her hand, and jerked my head to look at the wolf again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “This is on you,” she hissed in my ear before she was suddenly in front of the wolf, ripping into it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Edward watched on, and I couldn’t do anything but scream. I was sobbing, and watched as she finished off the wolf before she stalked over to me again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That was your fault, Bella,” she spat my name out, and I hated the way she said it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She gripped my chin and pushed my head up, revealing my neck to her. I couldn’t do anything but murmur her name before I felt the pinch of her teeth and everything went dark. </em>
</p><p>“Bells, shit, wake up!” warm hands were shaking me, pulling me out of my dream. I wasn’t screaming, but I could feel the tremors in my hands and chest. “C’mon, Bella, it’s Jake! I’ve got you,”</p><p><em> Jacob. </em> Jake was here, he was in my bed and he was holding me and I was okay. I let out a shuddering breath and started crying as he tucked me into his chest. He held me like that long after my sobs had been reduced to nothing but whimpers, both of us lying in silence as he rubbed my cheek with the hand that had rested there. </p><p>“You okay?” his voice was rough, and I couldn’t help the twinge of guilt I felt when I realized that I had woken him up. </p><p>I nodded, not trusting my own voice right now, and reached up to grab his hand that rested on my face. My hands were shaking, but I held onto his and it helped me calm the tremors a bit. We lay like that for another few minutes before he spoke up again.</p><p>“Who’s Victoria?” </p><p>I froze, body tensing, and screwed my eyes shut. I could barely breathe and felt the panic bubbling in my stomach, and squeezed his hand with my own. Could I really tell him the truth? Should I? He wouldn’t believe me, but I needed to get it out. I needed to tell someone. A hysterical giggle pushed passed my lips and Jake was shushing me, holding me tightly against his side. </p><p>“She’s after me, Jake,” I whimpered. “she’s not going to stop until she kills me.”</p><p>I felt him stiffen, and prepared for him to tell me I was crazy, that there was nobody after me. But he didn’t, he just sat there, stiffly holding me before speaking again.</p><p>“What does she want with you, Bells?”</p><p>“Edward killed her mate, now she wants me. She has to get revenge, she needs him to hurt. She doesn’t know that he doesn’t care anymore, but she’s still going to kill me anyways.” </p><p>“Mate? What, Bella, what does she look like?” Why was he taking this so seriously? Why was he asking what she looked like?</p><p>“She’s got all this red hair, so bright, and she’s pretty.” I didn’t know how else to describe a vampire to someone who doesn’t know about them. </p><p>“Anything else?” he kept pushing. I didn’t know if I should tell him, if I should pull him into this world and the mess that I had made.</p><p>After a few minutes of inner deliberation, I had decided. </p><p>“She’s a vampire, Jake,” I closed my eyes, waiting for him to laugh, again thinking he would call me crazy. What I didn’t expect was for him to start shaking, pulling me more tightly against him. He spent a few moments trying to calm his breathing before he stopped shaking, and then he was up, packing a bunch of my clothes into a bag before leaving my room. I sat up, switching the lamp on and watching as he returned, shoving my toiletry bag into the larger duffle bag. </p><p>“What are you doing?” he was for sure getting ready to ship me off to some institution. </p><p>“We need to go, <em> now</em>,” his voice was deep and serious as he pulled me out of bed, picking me up and carrying me down the stairs, out to my truck. I was still so confused, and tried to ask him where we were going, but he wouldn’t stop. He drove, pushing the truck to the limits of its speed, until we pulled up outside of a small house that was near his own. He waited outside my door as I hopped out of the truck, and led me to the front of the house, where Sam was already waiting. Why were we at Sam’s house? The confusion just kept building, but seeing the serious expressions on both of their faces, I decided not to question it. </p><p>“Jacob,” Sam barked. “what’s going on?”</p><p>“She knows about them,” at this, Sam’s face hardened even more before he turned, leading Jake and I into his home. Jake brought me to a couch, telling me to sit and wait, before he left with Sam, going into what I imagined was the kitchen. </p><p>I jumped as a knock sounded on the door, bringing Sam and Jacob back into the room. Jake came to sit next to me on the couch, and Sam answered the door, letting in three more men. I recognized Embry as one of them, but only remembered Paul and Jared once Sam greeted them. They all came to sit or stand in the living room, and then Jake turned to me. </p><p>“Tell them what you told me, Bella,” I was confused, he wanted me to talk about Victoria? He must have picked up on my confusion, because he continued. “tell them about the red head.”</p><p>At this, the three newcomers stiffened, looking to Sam and then back to me. They had looks of recognition on their face, like they knew who Jake was talking about. Sam nodded at me, and I took a deep breath before starting. </p><p>“Her name’s Victoria,” my voice shook, but I kept going. “she’s a, <em>God</em>, do I really have to say this, Jake?”</p><p>“Yes, Bella, now,” his face was grim as he looked into my eyes, and I couldn’t help but shrink back a bit.</p><p>“I swear I’m not crazy, okay?” I waited until all five of them nodded before speaking again. “Victoria is a vampire, and she really wants me dead.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things are explained to the pack. Victoria makes a move.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was like a switch flipped, all of the guys started shaking and yelling at each other. I heard pieces, and could tell that they weren’t upset with me, but their reaction still scared me. Suddenly, Paul was snarling loudly, and it took Sam and Jared to push him out of the house. The rest of us followed, Jake tucking me under his arm, and I could feel a rubbing growl building in his chest. What was going on? Why were they so angry about this? Did they believe me? Did they know about vampires too? My conversation with Jake, all of those months ago on the beach, hit me and I realized that they did know, from their legends, and that their legends were real. Before I could even think about the other half of that story, I watched as Paul exploded into a hulking figure covered in dark silver fur. Jake was still leading me forward, but I staggered as I watched Paul, or whatever had exploded out of him, rise to his full height. He was one of the wolves that was in the meadow. Were they all wolves? Were they all in the meadow? They were the protectors Jake had told me about. </p><p>“Get Bella back inside,” Sam turned to Jacob. “tell Emily what happened if she comes down, and keep them both inside.”</p><p>I was still shaking when Jacob sat me down on the couch, and he disappeared into the kitchen again before coming back a minute later with a mug of tea. He helped me drink a bit before my hands were steady enough to hold it on my own, and he sat beside me, throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his side. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and turned to see Emily walking into the room, coming to sit on my other side. Jake explained what had happened, and then we sat in silence for what felt like forever before Sam walked back into the house, the other boys following him. </p><p>“You okay, Bella?” Sam asked as Emily walked over to stand with him. </p><p>I nodded and gave him a small smile. It was easier to be around him now that I knew that he wasn’t the leader of some gang, but instead a part of a group dedicated to protecting people. I had relaxed quite a bit, especially with Jake beside me, and I knew that I would be okay explaining what had happened to me, and who Victoria was, more in depth. </p><p>“You <em> are </em> good with weird,” Embry was laughing as he said this, shaking his head. </p><p>I narrowed my eyes at him, but laughed along nonetheless. It felt like truer words had never been spoken. I’d only been in Forks for a little over a year, but I had seen enough weirdness to span a lifetime, and I was still just taking it in stride. </p><p>“At least it’s nice to know that none of you think I’m crazy,” I tried to keep going with the lighter energy in the room, not wanting to get into the heavy stuff just yet. </p><p>“No, we still think you’re crazy,” Paul smirked at me as he spoke. “you willingly spent time with cold ones, Bella, and you knew what they were. No sane person does that.”</p><p>As much as I thought it would hurt to hear that, I couldn’t help but laugh. He wasn’t lying, and looking back, it was so stupid that I had put myself in that situation. The whole group was laughing now, and it took a few minutes for conversations to lull before Sam spoke again. </p><p>“We do need to know as much as you can tell us, so that we know a little more about her plans,” Sam’s face once again hardened, and Emily held his hand, smiling at me again.</p><p>“I don’t know too much about how mates work, but the Cullens killed Victoria’s in order to protect me, and now she wants revenge, so she’s finishing the hunt.” my voice shook, but their curious looks kept me going,. “I don’t know if you guys knew about it, but I sort of ran away last year and then came home with a bunch of injuries?”</p><p>Sam nodded, and told me to keep going. “I was hanging out with the Cullens when three nomads showed up. Edward tried to conceal the fact that I was human, but one of them caught my scent. The leader of the nomads got them to leave, but it was too late. The one who had caught my scent was a tracker, wait, how much do you guys know about vampires?”</p><p>“They stink,” that was Jared, scrunching up his nose. “and they’re cold. They kill people. They can be really strong and fast. Anything else?”</p><p>“So much more,” I breathed out. “some of them, if not most, have powers. In the Cullen family, Edward could read minds, Alice could see the future, and Jasper could feel and manipulate the emotions of others. The rest didn’t have specific powers, which they called gifts, but they had their strengths. Carlisle had incredible control, that’s how he was able to work as a doctor as well as change the others. Esme had so much compassion and love that she made others warm up to her very quickly. Emmett was as strong as a newborn of their kind, who are stronger than older vampires because they still have their own blood in them, and Rosalie was more beautiful than most of their kind. Anyways, two of the nomads had gifts too. James, the one who wanted me, was a tracker, and could find anybody in any corner of the world if he wanted to hunt them. I’m not sure about Victoria, but the Cullens thought she had some sort of gift that allowed her to survive and escape death.”</p><p>“Hold on,” Jacob spoke from where he sat beside me. “you said there were three nomads at first, but that was only two.”</p><p>“You guys know the other one already, Laurent.” I couldn’t help but shiver, remembering his breath on my face. “He was the one in the clearing.”</p><p>I watched as the guys all smiled at this, and was confused. Why were they happy to hear about him? He was the reason behind so many of my nightmares but they were all <em> laughing </em>?</p><p>“He’s dead, Bella,” Sam must have noticed the discomfort on my face. “leech didn’t even make it out of that clearing.”</p><p>I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and leaned against Jacob a little more. Laurent was dead. He wouldn’t get to me. There was one less vampire out there to worry about. </p><p>“Thank you, oh my gosh, thank you,” I let a smile spread across my face. “you have no idea how amazing that is, oh my gosh.”</p><p>The guys just waved my thanks off, and asked me to keep going with my story. </p><p>“Right, so James, the tracker, caught my scent and saw how the Cullens reacted to protect me, and it made it a game to him. Edward read his mind and told us that James was excited for his best hunt yet, and that he had never lost a target before. I left for Phoenix with Jasper and Alice, so that they could keep an eye on me, and the other guys led James on a false trail, while Esme and Rosalie stayed behind to protect Charlie. Victoria stayed in town, Laurent went up to Alaska, to stay with some cousins of the Cullens, and James followed the guys before realizing he was being tricked, and then showed up in Phoenix. When he got there, Alice had a vision that I would meet him in an old ballet studio I went to as a kid, so we went to the airport to find somewhere else to hide. James found a way to call me and convinced me that he was holding my mom hostage, so I slipped out in a crowd and caught a taxi to bring me to the studio. I met with James there, and he had tricked me. He never had my mom, but now he had me alone. He beat me up and bit me as Edward got there. They killed James, but he had already bitten me and I was starting to change. Edward sucked the venom back out, and then we came home with the story that I had fallen down a flight of stairs and then out a window, and the Cullens never mentioned any of the nomads again. I had honestly forgotten that Victoria even existed until Laurent showed up.” By the time I had finished the guys looked pissed off again, Paul shaking, but they were able to stay in the room, and I gave them a few minutes before I started talking again.</p><p>“Victoria wants me because she thinks it would hurt Edward. It’s like an eye for an eye kind of thing. He killed her mate, so she kills his. I don’t think she knows that I’m not actually his mate, but I doubt that it would make a difference.”</p><p>“But, why did James even want you in the first place?” Jacob asked me. “I know you said the whole competition thing, but that doesn’t seem like <em> that </em> strong of a motivator, and how do you know that you’re not Edward’s mate?”</p><p>“It’s actually the same answer for both,” I started explaining. “for Edward, I was his blood singer. For all the others, the scent of my blood was just more appealing than other people’s.”</p><p>“What the hell is a blood singer?” Jared asked the question, but I could see that all of the boys were also wondering.</p><p>“Most vampires come across one or two humans in their lives whose blood appeals to them more than anything else, it practically sings for them, hence the <em> singer </em> part of the name. Edward convinced me that because I was his singer, it also meant I was his mate. I didn’t understand until after he left that it was impossible, because a vampire could never be a danger to their mate, and because he was able to leave so easily. Mates physically can’t leave each other, nor can they hurt each other. Edward had done both, and continued to put me in dangerous positions.” Even as I explained it, I still had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that he had lied to me for so long. </p><p>“What made them leave in the end?” Emily spoke up. “Why’d they just disappear like that?”</p><p>“I honestly couldn’t tell you. Edward blamed it on me, but it happened after Jasper had almost killed me, so I think that was a part of it,” <em> He left because I wasn’t good enough, he didn’t want me anymore</em>.</p><p>I felt Jacob stiffen against me. “What do you mean? When did that happen?”</p><p>“It wasn’t that bad, I had just gotten a papercut and Edward made it worse by overreacting, and then they left. I don’t think Jasper would have actually hurt me, it’s fine.” I waved off his worry, not wanting to get into the details of what had happened, how Edward had basically blamed it all on me. </p><p>“They never should have put you in that situation anyways,” Emily spoke softly. “they had no right to put you in danger, and you don’t have to make excuses for them.”</p><p>I blinked, unsure of how to respond for that. I had never told anybody about what had happened, but Emily’s words made sense. As much as they claimed to protect me, they also managed to put me in constant danger by just spending time with me. </p><p>“Okay, well, it’s still pretty early, so let’s try to go get some sleep before we meet up again tomorrow,” Sam addressed the room before turning to Jacob and I. “Bella, can I ask that you two stay here for the next few nights, at least until we can figure out how to make sure that you and Charlie are protected? I can pass along the message that you and Emily met at the grocery store and hit it off, or something like that, and that you wanted to sleepover and spend time with her for the next few days? I understand that he worries about you having friends, and this will probably be a relief to him.”</p><p>I nodded, happy that Sam had included my dad in the plan. I didn’t want to worry him more than I had to, and I didn’t want him to get home from fishing to find the house empty, my room looking like it had been ransacked as Jake had left it. Emily showed Jake and I to a spare room before wishing us a good rest of the night, and we settled into the bed. I was exhausted still from the day before, combined with the past few hours, and fell asleep almost immediately. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next few days passed by in a blur of activity. I had called Charlie a few times, and he was happy to hear that I was enjoying my time with Emily, not even questioning the nature of our new friendship. I had taken to helping Emily in the kitchen, preparing what seemed like a never ending supply of meals for the pack. We were expecting another mouth to feed, as Jacob had told me that Quil was showing the signs that he would be shifting any day now, and I was excited for him. I felt so bad, knowing how badly he was taking the fact that his two best friends had abandoned him, and couldn’t wait until they could be reunited. </p><p>Emily and I were just finishing up with preparing next when we heard the whoops and hollers of the boys from outside the door. Jacob and Sam had left early this morning, called to the woods by a loud howl, and we hadn’t seen them since. Emily and I shared the same opinions on the boys just disappearing for hours on end, how we waited anxiously for them to come back safely, and today was no different. We smiled at each other as the door swung open, and the pack walked in. My smile widened when I noticed Quil trailing behind them. </p><p>“Quil!” I couldn’t help but rush to him, pulling him into a tight hug as the boys laughed at me. They had listened to my musings for days, how I had gone on about feeling bad that I had to lie to them like they did, but it was all worth seeing him here now.</p><p>“Hey, Bella,” he pulled himself away, smiling at me. “you promised to call, jerk.”</p><p>I smacked his shoulder and laughed. “Listen, I was sworn to secrecy, but I didn’t make it easy for any of them!”</p><p>As I pointed over my shoulder the rest of the boys groaned, and launched into a full conversation about how I had done nothing but talk about <em> poor, lonely Quil </em> since I had found out. We were all joking around, but Quil shot me a smile that told me he appreciated the fact that I had been in his corner. I soaked in the warm feeling that came with hanging out with the pack. It felt like a family, and I was glad that they had taken me in with such a warm welcome. </p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Later that night, while Sam, Emily, Jake, and myself lounged on the couches in the living room, watching TV, the phone rang. Emily had gotten up to answer, and upon hearing her gasp, Sam was immediately at her side, pulling the phone from her ear to his own. He spoke lowly to whoever was at the other end, and then turned to Jacob and I.</p><p>“Bella, we need to get you to the hospital. Charlie’s hurt.” I felt my heart sink and a lump grow in my throat as Jake hurriedly got me up and out into Emily’s car, much faster than my truck, and sped off to the hospital.</p><p>By the time we got there, we were met with the rest of the pack waiting for us in the waiting room, as well as Billy. </p><p>“What happened?” Jacob spoke directly to his father, pulling me alongside him.</p><p>Billy shook his head, catching my eye. “She got to him, Bella. It doesn’t look good.”</p><p>A sob caught in my throat and I felt my knees threaten to give out. <em> No, no, no, no, no. </em> She was supposed to go after me. Not Charlie. Not my dad. </p><p>“I need to see him, right now.” I forced the sob back down, voice shaking. “Where’s my dad?”</p><p>Billy called over a doctor and explained that I was Charlie’s daughter, that I needed to be with him as long as I could. A nurse quickly led me back to his room, and Jake followed. My breath caught when I got to his door, and I took in the sterile scent mixed with the sharp aroma of blood. I hesitated, but pushed myself into the room, where I saw my dad lying on the bed, hooked up to machines, covered in gashes.</p><p>I could vaguely hear a doctor listing his injuries; <em> broken ribs, punctured lungs, brain bleed, broken legs, medically induced coma, not breathing on his own, not likely to wake up from this, must discuss next steps</em>. I felt like I was underwater, but I registered what the doctor had said. My dad was going to die. I hadn’t seen him in days, and now I was never going to see him again. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I don’t know how long it had been since I had gotten there, but at some point Jacob had moved me into a chair at his bedside. I was holding my dad’s hand, and watching his face. He was here because of me. <em> God, </em>my dad was going to die because of me. I couldn’t help but sob at that revelation, and felt Jacob rest a hand on my shoulder. A doctor had come in after Charlie had flatlined about an hour ago, and told me that he had been pronounced braindead, that the decision to keep him on life support was now up to me. This had sent me into a whole new spiral of sobs.</p><p>After what felt like hours of crying, I rubbed my eyes and looked up at Jake. </p><p>“I have to call my mom,” my voice was hoarse, but I kept going. “I’m going to tell her not to come, and that I want to stay with you. She can’t get dragged into this too.”</p><p>Jacob nodded, and pulled me over to a payphone. I called, trying my hardest not to cry, and explained to my mom that Charlie had been attacked, and that the doctor had told me that it was up to me to decide whether to keep him on life support or not. I told her that I was going to pull him off of it, that I didn’t want him to be in any unnecessary pain, especially if he wasn’t going to wake up anyways. I could hear Renee crying over the phone as I told her that she couldn’t come back to Forks, that it wasn’t safe, and that whatever had attacked my dad was still out there. She tried to argue, but gave up after I told her that it was safer if she stayed away, that I couldn’t lose both of my parents. After that, she quickly agreed to letting me stay with the Blacks, and told me to call her every day, before she hung up. It stung a little, how okay she was with handing me off to some other family, but I brushed it off.</p><p>Joining my father at his bedside. I watched his chest rise and fall with the rhythmic pumping of the machine that fed him oxygen, and brushed my hand across his forehead. I heard a doctor walk in behind me, and she offered me the papers I had to sign in order to release him from life support. I insisted that I stay in the room while they do it, but sobbed through it with Jake standing with me, as a team of nurses came to unhook him. Now that he no longer had a tube down his throat, obscuring his face, I could rest my hand on his cheek as I sat beside him. </p><p>I watched as he slowly stopped breathing for himself, and smiled softly through my tears. “Goodbye, Daddy, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>I sobbed even harder as a loud beeping sounded from the machine monitoring his pulse, which a nurse quickly shut off. I watched the colour leave my dad’s face, feeling it cool slightly beneath my hand, and I knew that he was gone. I sat there as long as I could, holding my dad’s face, until I couldn’t stomach the waxy feeling of his skin anymore. I got up slowly, sending him one last smile, before I let Jake lead me away from his room, back to the waiting room. The pack, along with Emily and Billy were still there, and Harry had joined them. They all stood, taking in the look on my face and the fact that the only thing holding me up was Jake’s arm around my shoulders, and their faces broke. I watched as Billy and Harry turned to each other, tears slipping through their eyes, and Emily turned into Sam’s side, sobbing. The rest of the boys had grief written all over their faces, and they trembled slightly. Quil came over to me first, and I let myself fall forward into his outstretched arms. He rocked me slowly as I sobbed, whispering <em> sorry </em> over and over again. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After what felt like forever, we finally left the hospital. Harry and his wife offered to take care of the funeral organization, and I willingly let them. I was only eighteen, I had no clue how to plan my own father’s funeral. Jacob brought me back to his house that night, and let me wear some of his sweats before we both got into his bed. He held me through the night, waking me from nightmares and consoling me when it got too hard to breathe properly over my own sobbing. It felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, and I couldn’t stop comparing the face of my dad in his hospital bed to the one I remembered from only a week ago. He had been so healthy, and even though his face was creased with worry lines from the stress I put on him, he was alive. Now, my most recent memory was of his waxy, cold, pale skin, marred by cuts and bruises. He didn’t deserve to die, and it had been all my fault. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay so I don't know why I did this. I was sitting at dinner and was like "Why don't I really just,,,,, hurt Bella as much as I can?" and then wrote this. </p><p>Feedback? What did I even do?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella starts to adjust to life without Charlie, has an interesting conversation with Jake, and has a hard time visiting home.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had spent the past two weeks in a fog, my time split between both Emily and Jake’s houses, and had yet to go back to my own. Jake had gone, one day pretty early on, to get some more clothes for me, but had told me that it was still considered a crime scene and that it was best if I didn’t have to see it that way. I was itching to go back to my own home, to sit in my dad’s chair, to feel like there was some part of him left, but I really didn’t want to see any evidence of the attack that had happened there. I was in contact with lawyers, settling my dad’s estate, and apparently he had left me the house, something I was relieved to hear. I wouldn’t have to worry about missing out, because the house would wait for me as long as I needed it to. </p><p>The boys had been a great support, giving me my time, and Emily always made sure I had whatever I needed at the moment. I hadn’t spoken more than I needed to,  could barely stomach any food, and I could tell that it was worrying everyone but they were good at trying to hide it. Emily had taken to making me small, but filling, meals, to make sure I was staying as healthy as possible, and the boys would take turns talking to me, spending time around me, telling me about their days. The constant stream of support felt like the only thing keeping me from going insane with grief, and I was grateful for it.</p><p>The funeral had come and gone a week after he had died, and I was surprised to see how many people showed up. I knew that Charlie was respected in Forks, but he had never really spent time with anyone other than Billy and Harry. It was heartbreaking to see how many people had actually cared for him, and they all made sure to tell me stories about my dad. Though it was hard to listen, hard to think of the fact that he wasn’t going to make any more memories with these people, I made sure to soak up as many as I could, not wanting to let go or forget about a single aspect of his life. Even though my mom was only following my instructions in not attending, it still stung that I had to go through the death of one parent without the support of the other. Sue, Harry’s wife, had tried to fill the role and help me through everything, but it wasn’t quite the same. </p><p>In the weeks since my father’s death, it seemed like everybody was on edge. The council members, Billy, Harry, and Old Quil, were alarmed at the bold attack from Victoria, and more of their children were showing signs that they would shift. Harry’s son, Seth, had shifted after an argument at their dinner table one night, and Leah had surprisingly followed. Both of their shifts were extremely worrying, as Seth was only fifteen years old, by far the youngest to have shifted, and Leah was the first and only woman to shift in their history. Leah didn't spend as much time with us, still hurt by Sam but more understanding of what had happened, and everyone was pretty respectful of the space she needed.</p><p>The only things I had been feeling were grief and guilt, and I could barely sleep from the sheer amount of nightmares I had been having. I felt like it was my fault that my dad had been killed, and now, because of the mess I had brought on, children were being thrown into the mix too. If I hadn’t gotten involved with this stupid world of vampires and werewolves, my father wouldn’t be dead and the wolves wouldn’t have the stress of being a protector weighing on them at such young ages. </p><p>Since I was spending all of my time on the rez, I had been taking classes remotely. Billy would go by the school and get any work, and then deliver it back at the end of each week. I was still on track to graduate on time, but I was the only one. Any of the pack members that were still in school had been forced to drop out due to both their patrolling schedule and their tendency to burst into a ball of fur at any heightened emotion. While the older wolves ran patrols, Seth was often left at Emily’s house with me, and I would tutor him as much as I could while he kept me company. I felt bad that he had to drop out at only fifteen, and wanted to make up for it as much as I could. It helped that being around Seth made me feel more normal again, the kid was a ball of optimism and helped heighten my spirits during the day. His habit of talking helped me avoid the panic that would grow in me during moments of silence. In those moments, my thoughts would consume me, the grief and guilt building until I could barely breathe, and I could rarely pull myself out, usually relying on Jacob or anyone else to snap me out of it and calm me down. </p><p>At night, Jake and I still slept together in his bed. Most of the time, even though I was exhausted, I would just stay up and listen to the sound of him breathing. Eventually, when I would finally pass out, he would be the one to wake me from my nightmares. I felt guilty when I noticed how tired he was during the day, and had offered to sleep in a different bed, let him get some rest, but he had refused, telling me he didn’t mind and that he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was a relief to have him near me, and I was glad that he had refused, even if I still felt bad about his lack of sleep. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tonight, the council members were hosting a bonfire, where they would tell more of the histories to the wolves, as the newer ones hadn’t yet heard all of them due to the stress of the past few weeks. Emily and I had spent all day in the kitchen, making sure there was enough food to feed all of them, and Jared would be in charge of the barbecue later. Billy had come to me a few nights earlier and asked if I would be comfortable with him sharing about Charlie, and asked if he could share some of what had happened to me. I gave him the okay, but asked that he let me know before he started, so that I could go sit in the car with Jake. I didn’t want to hear the details yet, didn’t want to know exactly what Victoria had done to him, and everyone was respectful of that choice. </p><p>Once we were all seated around the fire, stomachs full from the food that Emily and I had prepared, Billy gave me a nod, telling me that he was going to start. Jake follows me to the truck, and I sit pressed against the passenger door while he sits in the driver’s seat. We spend a few minutes in silence before Jake sighs and rests his arm across the top of the seat, beckoning me closer to him with a nod of his head. I scoot over, pressing myself to his side, and sink into his warmth. He holds me for a moment before he takes a deep breath and starts talking.</p><p>“What would you do if the Cullens came back?”</p><p>I immediately stiffen at his words, and try to keep my breathing under control. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about it before, whether or not I would welcome them back, what would happen between Edward and I, but had never come to an actual conclusion. </p><p>“I really don’t know, Jake,” I turned my face up to look at him. “I don’t want to see them again.”</p><p>He nodded, and sent me a small smile. “Sam’s been trying to decide on whether or not he should call their leader to tell them about Victoria. He doesn’t want them to come back, but they might be able to tell us some things about tracking their kind that you don’t know.”</p><p>“Would they all come back?” my voice sounded small, and felt strained as I pushed it out.</p><p>“No,” he shook his head. “he would only ask that Carlisle comes, nobody else.”</p><p>That was a relief. Though I didn’t quite have the best feelings toward Carlisle, he hadn’t really done anything to hurt me directly, and I wouldn’t want to get in the way of any help the wolves could have. As long as he didn’t bring Edward with him, that would be okay. </p><p>“You wouldn’t have to see them,” he continued. “we would meet outside of our lands and they would just stay close enough to help if needed.”</p><p>“Them?” I was confused. “I thought it was just Carlisle?”</p><p>“You caught that,” Jake murmured. “we don’t think that he would be comfortable coming alone, for his own safety. Sam wanted me to ask you who you would be comfortable with him bringing if he were to agree.”</p><p>I thought about it, and ran through the options out loud. “I don’t want Edward, and I don’t think Alice or Jasper should come either. Alice probably saw that Dad would get hurt, I don’t know how she could miss it, and she didn’t really do anything to help. She tells Jasper everything, and he didn’t help either, so not him. I don’t want to involve Esme, she’d probably worry too much and I don’t want to have to shut her down. I couldn’t. Emmett would probably try to fight you guys, just for fun, and I don’t want that either. I think Rosalie is the best option. I was never really close to her, and she is pretty level headed.”</p><p>He nodded along. “Alright, I’ll let Sam know. You wouldn’t have to see them unless you ask to, and I would be there right beside you.”</p><p>We sat there, talking quietly for a few more minutes, before we saw Seth approaching us, waving us back over. Billy had finished telling the stories, and now everyone was just sitting by the fire talking amongst themselves. Jake went over to talk with Sam and I sat beside Quil, who threw an arm over my shoulder once he noticed that I was shivering. I thanked him, and we talked and laughed, Jake joining us eventually, until the fire was dying down and everyone got up to leave.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until later that night, lying in bed with Jacob, did I realize that this was the first time I had felt somewhat normal in weeks. I had talked, I had laughed, and I had genuinely enjoyed my time with the pack. The thought brought a smile to my face as I drifted off.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It had been a month since the attack on Charlie, since his death, and the house had been cleared of its status as an active crime scene, and cleaners had been through it to get rid of any evidence that remained. Today was the day that I would visit, for the first time, and I was bringing Jake with me. I wouldn’t be staying at the house, because the rez was still the safest place for me, but I would be able to collect anything I wanted and finally sit in Charlie’s favourite spot. Sue had gone by the house earlier to clear out the fridge, making sure there was nothing rotting that would greet me, and I was grateful for that. It would be hard enough to visit the house knowing what had happened there, but having to deal with cleaning would make it even worse. </p><p>Jacob drove, since my hands were shaking too hard, and I felt my breath catch in my throat as we pulled up and parked on the driveway. I don’t know why I was expecting anything different, but I didn’t think the house would look as peaceful as it did now. It still looked the same as it had when I had first arrived in Forks. It made me queasy to think about how much had changed since that day, how nothing was the same anymore. I don’t know how long we sat there, staring at the front door, before I finally got out of the truck, Jake following me as I unlocked the door and let myself in. </p><p>It looked the same as I remembered it, picture frames still hanging in their places, Charlie’s coat hanging in the entrance, his boots kicked underneath it. I picked up his coat, pulling it on, before I kept walking through the house. The jacket still smelled like him, and tears were prickling at the corners of my eyes and I breathed it in. I missed him, so much. The tears spilled out once we made it to the living room, and I collapsed into his chair curling myself into a ball. It still felt the same, and my heart ached from the realization that my dad would never get to experience the feeling again. </p><p>“Jake,” my voice broke as I looked up at him, and I didn’t have to continue, he already knew what I was going to ask as I reached out a hand to him.</p><p>He picked me up wordlessly, before he himself settled into the chair and held me in his lap as I sobbed. He rocked me, rubbing my back, as I cried for my father. Other than when I woke up from nightmares, I hadn’t let myself cry about him since the night he had died, and it was all coming out now. We sat there for hours, him holding me as I pressed my face into his neck, trying to stifle the whimpers that pushed past my lips every time a new bout of tears would start. Eventually, after I had tired myself out from crying so much, Jacob carried me up to my room, explaining that he had asked that some of the boys run a patrol outside my house tonight. He had known that I would want to sleep here before I even knew it myself, and I clung to him as he helped me change into pyjamas, which consisted of some sweats and one of my dad’s hoodies. </p><p>When he set me down in my bed, I shook my head and whispered to him. “‘wanna sleep in Charlie’s bed,”</p><p>He smiled in a sad way, shaking his head. “Oh, Bells, sweetheart, his bed is gone.”</p><p>“Gone?” I echoed. “Where is it?”</p><p>“Bella, please,” Jake's voice was thick with tears, and I was so confused. “just stay here.”</p><p>“No,” I was more awake now, angry. “where’s my dad’s bed? What happened, Jacob?”</p><p>He cursed under his breath. “Bella, it’s where he was attacked.”</p><p>I froze at the words, and stopped breathing. She had attacked my dad in his bed. In his safest place. The place he was supposed to sleep and not have to worry about anything. Did she wait until he was asleep? No, she would’ve wanted him awake as she hurt him. She did to him what she wanted to do to me. She didn’t bite him, but tortured him. I remembered the gashes on his face, his broken bones, and felt sick as I realized that she had attacked him as if he were me. I bolted from my bed, stumbling to the bathroom where I emptied my stomach into the toilet. Jacob followed me, but kept his distance. My lungs were heaving but I felt like I wasn’t breathing, like I was trapped under water. I needed to get out of here. I couldn’t be in this house, not knowing that my dad had been killed in the room next to me. </p><p>After getting his coat from my room, and almost tripping down the stairs, I pushed myself back outside, running to my truck. I left the front door open, knowing that Jake would lock up behind me, and waited for him to join me in the truck, where he started the ignition and drove us back to the rez. He drove us to Emily’s house, where I locked myself in the bathroom the minute we were in the door. I sat in the tub, no water running, and pulled my dad’s coat tighter around me, breathing in his scent. I bit back a sob as I rocked, trying to calm myself down. I could hear Sam and Jake’s frantic voices outside of the door, and Emily’s soothing one calling out to me, but I didn’t let any of them in. I must’ve dozed off, because I was startled away by the sound of a lock clicking and the door flying open.</p><p>“Bella, oh my gosh,” Jake was kneeling on the floor in front of me, pushing hair out of my face. “are you okay?” </p><p>I shook my head, and whined when he tried to pull me out of the tub. I could see Sam and Emily standing in the doorway, faces showing concern, but I didn’t want to leave the bathroom. I didn’t want to face anything outside. Jake sighed once he realized that I wasn’t going to leave the tub, and instead climbed in beside me. In any other moment I would’ve laughed. Jake was huge, way too tall to be in the tub, and he shifted us so that I was in between his legs, leaning back against his chest. Emily tossed us a blanket, and Sam closed the door behind them as they left. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I blinked awake to the sound of Jake’s snoring behind me, and looked around, disoriented. We were still in the tub, and I could hear footsteps approaching the bathroom before a knock sounded on the door. This seemed to wake Jake up, and his snoring cut off with a loud snort. I pressed my hand to my mouth, giggling as I felt him moving behind me. </p><p>“Huh?” he turned his head to the door, before raising his voice. “Yeah?”</p><p>Sam let himself in, telling Jake that the two of them were needed, that someone new had shifted, and Jake helped me out of the tub before heading out the door with Sam. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before going to the kitchen, where Emily was making some breakfast. I smiled at her softly before grabbing an apple and cutting it up for myself. We sat there for a little while, enjoying each other's company, before talking about what we wanted to make for the boys for lunch. It was just before noon, and we knew that if there was another wolf joining us, given that they learned how to phase back in time, that we would be cooking for more. As we cooked, she asked me how I was feeling after last night. I told her that I wasn’t sure if I would be going back to the house anytime soon, but that it was nice to sit in my dad’s chair, and that it made me feel like he wouldn’t be forgotten. </p><p>Soon enough, just as we were finishing up with our preparations, we heard the sound of the boys outside, some new voices mixed in. I wondered who else had shifted, and smiled at Jake as he walked through the door. </p><p>“We’ve got two more, now,” his smile was tense. “Sam’s bringing them in a minute.”</p><p>I nodded, and waited while the rest of the boys filed in. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was sort of a filler, but feedback is still welcome!!</p><p>I don't really like this chapter, but it's more of a transition into the next chapter, so I just sort of threw it together. Hope it wasn't too bad!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella freaks out, Jake and the pack learn more about exactly who the Cullens were and the impact they had on Bella. </p><p>CW - Suicidal Ideation, Referenced Attempts, &amp; Referenced Drug Use</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two new faces followed Sam into Emily's kitchen, and my stomach dropped at the sight of them. I froze for a second, and then turned and ran to the bathroom, barely closing the door behind me in time to empty my stomach into the toilet. The two boys barely looked old enough to be out of middle school, much less the fierce protectors that their brothers were. Though their bodies seemed to be at the beginning stages of a growth spurt, resembling how Jacob had looked in the weeks leading up to his first phase, they still had those round faces, baby fat still lingering. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><em> It’s my fault. God, those children had just gotten their youth stripped from them and forced into this new world with way too many responsibilities, all because of me. If I had just avoided the Cullens, if I had just behaved like a normal person and turned Edward away once I knew how dangerous he was, we would never have gotten to this point. I wouldn’t have a deranged vampire after me, my dad wouldn’t be dead, and this group of men - </em> boys <em> - would never have been pulled into this nightmare and stripped of their ability to make their own choices. I did this to them. I took all their chances at normal away. I ruined them, I ruined all of them. This is all on me. No, no, no, no, no. They’re all kids, they’re all so young. They shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here. I did this. It’s all my fault. </em></p><p>“Bells, stop. Hey, stop it, nobody blames you,” Jacob was behind me now, rubbing my back and pulling me away from the toilet bowl, reaching up with this other hand to flush it. </p><p>I must've started speaking out loud at some point, and my cheeks would’ve been on fire had they not already heated up due to my shame. I shook my head, turning to look my friend in the eyes. </p><p>“<em>I'm </em> the one who brought this on,” I shuddered, a hysterical feeling bubbling in my throat. “<em>you could all die</em>. They’re so <em> young</em>, Jake. They’re like <em> kids</em>. <em> How old are they</em>?”</p><p>Jacob lowered his eyes and blinked hard, and that was answer enough until he spit it out. “<em>Thirteen</em>.”</p><p>My breath caught in my throat at this, and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. <em> They really weren’t out of middle school! They were still kids, They were babies. They should be worried about passing the eighth grade, not chasing and killing bloodthirsty monsters.  </em></p><p>“<em>I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,</em>” it rushed out of me like a mantra, like the only thing tying me to the earth. I was a blubbering mess at this point, the taste of vomit still in my mouth, my eyes and nose leaking. </p><p>“<em>I </em> took it away, Jacob! Their childhoods, they’re <em> gone</em>! I’m so <em> sorry</em>,” my voice broke as I apologized again, unable to say anything more over my own sobbing. </p><p>“Bella, you weren’t the one to do that.” he sighed. “the Cullens knew that their presence here would trigger our shifting, and nobody was to know that those other leeches would target you like that and stick around.”</p><p>“But they did! All because I was <em> stupid </em> ! I was so stupid. I fell for <em> him </em> and by the time I realized how dangerous and toxic our relationship was, I couldn't get out!” I was really panicking now, telling him things I hadn't told others before. </p><p>“Bella, what do you mean?” Jake was looking into my eyes, his hand on my chin, not letting me look away. “Why couldn’t you get out?” </p><p>I could barely breathe at this point, never mind try to explain. Jake seemed to pick up on this and pulled me into his side. We were still sitting on the cold floor of the bathroom, but his heat kept me warm. He talked me through some breathing until my heart rate slowed down, and I could start talking again. </p><p>“You know all of those months I spent at home, before I came to see you more?” I was looking down at my lap, but I waited until I could feel him nod against me before continuing. “I was trying, well, it was, God, I have no clue how to say this.”</p><p>I shook my head, taking a moment before starting once again with a different approach, “Y’know when an addict is trying to get clean, cold turkey, and they go through an intense withdrawal?” I waited until I could feel him nod again. “I had to spend a few months like that. Long months of hot flashes and cold flashes, of tremors, of not being able to keep down any food. I had headaches for days at a time, could barely sleep, and when I did I would wake up screaming from the nightmares. For the first week I had a high fever, but I tried to hide all of it from Charlie. It felt like I was dying, I <em> wanted </em> to be dead. I had no control over my body, I just wanted it to stop.” </p><p>At this point he had shifted us so that I was leaning against the wall, and he was sitting in front of me, tense and with his jaw locked. I could see each emotion as it passed over his face, and the questions in his eyes. </p><p>“To, well, to humans, a vampire is made to draw us in. He used to say that they were the perfect predator, and part of that was because their scent was so appealing.” he scrunched up his nose at this and I shook my head slightly. “No, seriously. It’s a pheromone thing or whatever, but because I spent so much time around him, around all of them, it was like I was constantly being drugged. I was always on a high with them. I only realized after they left, and they might not have even known that they had that power over me, at least they didn’t completely know. They might’ve had some idea, but humans don’t usually last long enough around them to go through the impact of the separation afterwards. That trap that attracted prey to them ended up being like a drug, and I was constantly buzzing with it.” </p><p>He thought over my words for a moment before taking a deep breath. “You just said that you didn’t realize until after they left, but what did you mean when you said that you <em> couldn’t </em> leave?”</p><p>I had hoped that he would’ve forgotten that slip up when I explained my withdrawal, but he was always so quick, always listening to everything I said.  </p><p>“Well, the high was enough to keep me from ever wanting to leave, because it always felt so good to be around them. It was like I was being conditioned to need them,” I blinked hard as tears filled my eyes once more. “but Edward also had other precautions in place to keep me with him.”</p><p>At that I couldn’t help but to start sobbing again, gasping as memories ran through my head. Jacob didn’t say anything, but moved and once again pulled me under his arm, holding me close to his side and letting me press my face into him as he waited out the flood of tears. Once I had composed myself enough to talk again, I shared with him some of the memories.</p><p>“He always made a point to comment on the fact that I was fragile, that he was the only thing that stood between myself and the members of his family who wanted to kill me so that they could keep their secret safe. Whenever I would spend time alone, or try to do things independently, he would make me feel so inferior, like I was some ditsy pet. He would isolate me from my friends, telling me that, based on their thoughts, they were below me. If I hung out with them he was always sure to condescend to me, making comments on how we were just simple, stupid humans. If I didn’t hang out with them, he treated me as more of an equal, so I stopped spending time with them. Eventually, he would just bluntly tell me that I didn’t have the option of leaving, that it was their law to kill or turn any human that found out about them. There were a few times where I would tell him about plans to go to a friend’s house, and he would disconnect things in the truck, so that I had no choice but to stay home.” I could feel Jake shaking, but he still held me tightly. “But he would also act so sweet. He would compare us to the classic romance novels that he knew I loved, he composed a lullaby that he said was inspired by me. He acted like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.”</p><p>Jacob just held me closer as I explained, taking my hand into his own. </p><p>“Remember when I busted my head open on the bike, and I apologized for bleeding?” I asked him, hearing him hum in response. “I was so used to taking the blame for my own injuries. Whenever I got hurt I would apologize to them, because they would make me feel bad for bleeding. Then Jasper almost killed me on my birthday, all because of a paper cut that turned into so much more.”</p><p>I rubbed at my arm, feeling the scars from where Edward had pushed me back with so much force that I was surprised I hadn’t gotten more hurt, and shivered at the memory as Jake tensed beside me when I brought up that night with Jasper again.</p><p>“It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t in the wrong for bleeding, but instead that they should have never put me in a position where I was around those who had such little regard for my well being.” It was hard to talk about, how stupid I had been. “Edward always made me feel so guilty for simply being human, always had things to say about it. Whenever I got hurt, no matter how small, he would act like it was life or death, and he would tell me that he didn’t want to exist if for any reason I left. He knew how to get me, he knew that I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t ever push him to that point. That’s what always made me stay.”</p><p>I could feel the growl rumble through Jake’s chest at the last thing I had said. He was still shaking, I could hear his heavy breathing, and I watched as he clenched and unclenched his fist. It took him a few minutes, but after taking a deep, shaking breath, he had calmed down enough that I could continue talking. </p><p>“I know now that he was just saying that to manipulate me into staying, but it took awhile. It was only after he left me in the forest.” I shivered, thinking back to how he had just left me to die. “He told me he didn’t want me, that I wasn’t good enough for him, and then he was gone. He used every insecurity that I had shared with him against me, and then left me, lost in a forest. I can recognize, now at least, that if I had meant anything to him he wouldn’t have done that. Alice had explained the mating bond to me once, and she said that since Edward and I were mates, even though I was still human, we wouldn’t be able to leave or hurt each other without great pain. At first, I thought my withdrawal symptoms were the product of us being apart, our mate bond being strained or broken, but then I realized we were never mates to begin with. He wouldn’t have been able to leave me to die if we were true mates.”</p><p>We sat in silence for a few minutes, Jacob stroking my arm in a soothing way, before I spoke again.</p><p>“I wanted to die, Jake.” I screwed my eyes shut, tightening my fists so that my nails dug painfully into my palms, drawing blood, and hid my face in his side once again, not wanting to have to look at him while I said this. “I tried, a few times. At first, I just wanted to stop the withdrawal, and I thought that if I got high it would help. But I couldn’t even get high. Being around them made me build up a tolerance, and safe amounts of drugs couldn't compare to the feeling of being around them. I ended up overdosing after a while, knowing that even if I couldn’t feel the high as much, it would kill me. It didn’t work, it just made the symptoms worse. Then I kept trying, with different methods. You, uh, you were actually there the last time.”</p><p>At this admittance Jacob went stiff, and his arm tightened around me, and his voice was breaking as he said. “When you jumped off the cliff.”</p><p>I could only nod as a lump lodged itself in my throat, and I tried to tuck myself further into his side. That was the attempt that should’ve worked. It would’ve worked if Jacob hadn’t pulled me out of the water. That had been one of my worst moments, and I still felt so guilty for dragging Jake into it. He had to drag my body out of the ocean. He was too young for that, and I hated that I had exposed him to that. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” my voice cracked, but I kept going. “it was just so hard, and I never intended for you to be the one to find me like that.”</p><p>“<em>Bella</em>,” God, the thickness of tears was present in his voice and it was heartbreaking. “please, Bella, no. Don’t apologize for that, <em> ever </em>. I’m so glad I got to you, so glad you’re still here. Bella, please, never say sorry for that again. You were going through so much more than anyone thought to give you credit for, you were going through hell, never apologize for that. You belong here, you deserve to recover and you deserve to be happy.”</p><p>Again, I was reduced to tears, shaking in Jake’s arms and barely breathing. My nails were still digging into my palms and I could feel the slick coating of blood on my hands as they shook. He held me through it, still, even as I soaked through his shirt and started sputtering, coughing, trying to breathe through my sobbing. I was so grateful to have him in my life, and as hard as it was to talk about, I was so glad that he finally knew about most of what had happened. He was still here, he had just heard about the worst of me and he was still here, he didn’t leave. Jacob was the one thing that had kept me from ever trying again, after that day at the cliffs. He had checked on me everyday, he dropped everything to be with me in an instant, the second he could tell I was having a rough day, and he had stayed here, with me, for months, without even knowing everything that had happened. He supported me unconditionally, even when I was unresponsive, too caught up in my own grief, he stayed. I don’t know what I would’ve done had he not stayed around. He was shaking, but it wasn’t the kind that happened when he was angry, these shakes were the product of his own sobbing as he cried with me, for me.</p><p>“Bells,” his tone was softer now, voice hoarse from crying. “you don’t ever have to feel that way again, okay? You’ve got me, you’ve got the pack, you’ve got all of us, here to help you. You can’t get rid of us, not unless you tell us to leave. We're not going anywhere.”</p><p>How did he always know exactly what to say? How he always managed to console me in my worst moments was beyond me, but I was so glad that he could. </p><p>“Thank you, Jake,” my voice shook, my throat was sore from the sobbing. “thank you so much.”</p><p>I looked up at him now, looking him in the eyes, trying to show him everything I was incapable of telling him. He smiled softly, and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I exhaled deeply, letting go of all the tension in my body and slumping into him. Exhaustion slammed into me like a train after crying so hard and for so long, and Jake was so warm, it was hard not to fall asleep right there. </p><p>“Bells, hey,” he lifted my head up so that I could meet his eyes again. “I gotta ask, and I’m so sorry, please don’t feel forced to answer, but did they ever do anything else to you?”</p><p>I sucked in a breath, knowing what he was implying, before giving him a jerk of a nod. “Nothing too bad, Jake, he just liked that he was stronger than me. ‘Would always show off, pin me down and stuff like that, feel me up, touch me, and I couldn’t really move. He never went further than that though, that was it. ‘Said he liked making me feel human. Most of the time I was so out of it from being around his family all day that I didn’t really know what was going on.”</p><p>I watched his face screw up, eyes shutting tightly as his breathing sped up. It took a few moments for his face to loosen, breathing slowly until he could talk. “Alright, <em> shit</em>, Bells, you’ve really been through it, huh?”</p><p>My only response was to lower my eyes, slumping into his side again, whimpering a bit. I could feel myself starting to doze off, but he started shifting around until he was standing above me. </p><p>“C’mon,” Jake was helping me get up, getting a spare toothbrush and some gauze from the cabinet under the sink, where Emily kept a supply of them for the pack. He helped me brush my teeth, getting rid of the taste of vomit, and used a warm, dampened washcloth to wipe down my face, then rinsed the blood from my hands before wrapping them in the gauze. He sat me down on top of the closed toilet seat so that he could take off his shirt, stained with my tears, snot, blood, and remnants of my vomit, and tossed it into the hamper in the bathroom. I felt like I was in a haze as I let him lead me through every action. I was too tired to even be disgusted with myself for ruining his shirt, and simply settled closer into his side, basking in his heat and enjoying the direct contact with his warm skin, without the barrier of his shirt between us. He let me lean heavily on him as he guided me out of the bathroom, towards the living room. The pack and Emily were all still there, and I knew that the pack members had heard everything, but I couldn’t even be bothered to be embarrassed about it. </p><p>As Jake sat on the couch and pulled me down with him, I tucked myself back into his side, and looked around the room. The pack were all holding their breath, tense, as they looked back at me, and I gave them a timid smile. At this, they collectively relaxed, sending small smiles back, and resuming whatever conversations they had been having. I closed my eyes, the low rumbling of their voices, feeling Jake’s through his chest, combined with the comforting warmth of him lulling me into a deep sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>DUDE!! Okay, so this was actually the first chapter I had written, the idea hit me at like, 2am, about 4 days ago, and I wrote it down and was like "I need to make something out of this," because it makes no sense as a one-shot, and I wanted to make a whole story out of it. In the past 4 days I've written about 25k words for this,,,,,, I don't even know how I did that. This is the longest fic I've ever written, and I've been attempting to write for the past nine years. I'm so excited to keep going and I'm so glad that I found the motivation for this. </p><p>Hopefully this gave some more insight into Bella, and feedback is appreciated! </p><p>I have a plan for the rest of this, but updates might slow down now that I've gotten to the part that inspired it all. Hope you're enjoying this so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Big conversations, and Bella is reunited with some of the Cullens.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I blinked open my eyes to see sunlight pouring through the windows, and looked around to notice that I was now on Jacob’s couch. He must’ve brought me back to his house after my freakout, moving me while I was still asleep. It was morning now, and my freakout must have tired me out enough to sleep through the entirety of yesterday afternoon and last night. My head was throbbing as I sat up, and Jake immediately appeared in front of me. </p><p>“Hey, Bells,” he rested a hand on one of my knees. “how’re you feeling?”</p><p>I just shook my head, not trusting my voice. My throat was sore, probably from the crying, and it felt like I had swallowed broken glass. I watched him as he looked at me, and saw that his eyes were glistening with tears, but he didn’t cry. I felt my chest tighten at the idea that I was hurting him, and felt another stream of guilt pour through me. </p><p>“Do you want to take a shower?” he was speaking softly, like he didn’t want to scare me. </p><p>I nodded, letting him help me up and following as he guided me to his room, to pick up a change of clothes, and then into the washroom. Once in the bathroom, he left the pile of clothes on the sink, and turned to leave. </p><p>My hand shot out, grabbing the back of his shirt before he had gotten too far, and whispered “Stay.”</p><p>He turned back to look at me, noticing how I was still shaking, and his face softened. </p><p>“Are you sure?” He held eye contact, and I felt my cheeks heat up. </p><p>“‘Need some help,” I was embarrassed by my words. “don’t wanna be alone, Jake, please.”</p><p>He nodded, and I watched him turn the faucet on and let the water heat up before he turned to me, telling me to undress, climb in, and sit down. I followed his instructions, telling him once I had completed them, and he turned to help me. He washed my hair slowly, and the feeling of his warm hands massaging my scalp helped relieve some of the pain from my headache. The warm water helped soothe me somewhat, and I stopped shaking after a few minutes. Jacob helped me out, letting me wrap myself in a towel, and then sat on the closed toilet seat with his eyes shut while I changed. I smiled at the sight of him. I felt so safe with him, and he was always so sweet and respectful of me. A lot of the time, I didn’t even have to mention things, it was like he just knew what I needed the second I needed it. </p><p>Once I was ready, we went out to his kitchen, where he made us some breakfast and gave me some pain medication for my headache. When we had finished eating and he had cleaned up our dishes, he turned to where I was sitting, and he leaned against the counter behind him. </p><p>“You up for a visit to Emily’s house?” he was still speaking to me so softly. “The pack wants to see how you’re doing.”</p><p>“Yeah,” my tone matched his. “they probably have some questions, right?”</p><p>Jacob smiled and nodded, and I slipped Charlie’s coat on as he ushered me out of the house. He drove us to Emily’s, and I was surprised that the whole pack was already there, waiting for us. Everyone smiled at us as we walked in, and it was easy to return the smile. There was nothing but warmth with the pack, and they had continued  to feel like my family throughout everything. Pleasantries were exchanged, everyone worried to see how I was feeling, and then we were all pulled into our own conversations. I was sitting with Jake, Embry, and Quil, and they were all mocking each other as I laughed. </p><p>“So, Bella,” Embry had turned to me, smirking. “can we have an official near-death-experiences-because-of-leeches count?”</p><p>He laughed, and I shook my head, but smiled sheepishly, “The direct ones, or indirect?”</p><p>It seemed like the whole room froze at this, and all conversations stopped, everyone turning in our direction. Quil smacked the back of Embry’s head, and I smiled at them. </p><p>“No, it’s fine,” I addressed the two, before speaking to the rest of the room. “you really want to know?”</p><p>I was met with nods, everyone’s faces drawn and serious. I took a deep breath, doing a mental tally of all of the times I had almost died. My stomach sunk a bit as I realized that the total added up to over ten different occasions. </p><p>“Okay, so, some happened as a product of just being near the Cullens, while others were at the hands of the Cullens,” I started. “the first was on my first day at school. I had biology with Edward and it was the first time he caught my scent. Me, being his singer, was really hard for him, and he spent the whole class period trying to stop himself from killing me. But he didn’t so it was fine. The second was when I almost got hit by a van. Edward and his family had all been glaring at me from their car, so I stayed in my truck until the last possible second before I had to get to class, I wanted to avoid them. Because I had stayed in my truck so long, I was only getting out when a van peeled into the lot quickly, they were running late, and they hit some ice. Edward saved my life, but I wouldn’t have been there if they had just not scared me into staying. Then, the third was the night after the accident, when the Cullens were deciding on whether or not they should kill me, because they didn’t know if I would expose their secret. The fourth was on blood testing day. Edward had skipped class and I had to leave early because I felt sick, and he offered to drive me home. Later, I learned that he had planned to take me out into the woods and kill me, but decided against it at the last moment. What is that, four times now?”</p><p>The group nodded at me, eyes wide, and I kept going. “The fifth was when I went to Port Angeles. I had split up from my friends and a group of guys cornered me. Edward was there to save me, but then he told me about how much he wanted to kill me, how easy it would be, and told me their secret, putting me in even more danger. The sixth time was on our first date, when he took me to that meadow you guys first saw me in. He showed me how strong he really was, told me about what made him the perfect predator, and that there was barely anything stopping him from killing me right then and there. He always followed those threats up with nice things, so I didn’t really have the time to think them over before he was moving on. He made it seem like it was romantic and sweet that he wasn’t killing me. The seventh time was when he brought me to meet his whole family for the first time. Great mix, right there; one human with really tasty smelling blood, seven vampires. They took me to watch them play baseball, and that's when the eighth time happened. That was when the three nomads showed up. After they didn’t kill me in the field, the ninth time happened when James tried to kill me in Phoenix, then the tenth quickly followed when Alice almost lost control from smelling my blood, and the eleventh when Edward had to suck the venom out and almost didn’t stop.”</p><p>Most of the pack were shaking now, but stayed to listen to me talk, not interrupting. “I forgot about it before, but James probably would’ve come to Forks anyways. He had tracked Alice during her human life, but lost her when she changed. He had picked her back up and that’s what brought him to where the Cullens were staying. If I hadn’t distracted him, he probably would have tried to get her. Anyways, the twelfth was during that party at the Cullens house, and everyone but Carlisle were almost sent out of control by my blood. Lucky number thirteen was when Edward left me alone in the woods in September. Sam, I probably would have died if you hadn’t found me when you did, so thank you.”</p><p>Sam nodded at me, and Emily sent me a small smile, before I kept going. “Fourteen was the withdrawal. The initial sickness from it almost killed me, and then I tried to kill myself a few times to escape the symptoms. I never once tried in a way that made me bleed, though, because I still felt guilty about bleeding. The fifteenth was when Laurent tried to kill me, so thanks for helping me on that one. Number sixteen is sort of ongoing, with Victoria. And the one I can’t really count is all of those nights that Edward spent in my room, when he would watch me sleep.”</p><p>The room was silent for a few moments, before Leah broke it. “Hold on, he watched you <em> sleep</em>?”</p><p>I nodded, and the room exploded into exclamations of disgust, everyone talking over each other about how creepy that was. It took a few minutes for Sam to calm the room, before he turned to me. </p><p>“I’ve been meaning to ask about one thing,” he started. “what happened in that clearing with Laurent? Before we stepped in, it looked like you were completely relaxed?”</p><p>“I mean, I sort of was,” I scrunched up my nose, thinking about how easily I had given in to him. “it was my first time being around one of them in months, and I had only just gotten over the withdrawal period. Being around him was like taking the first hit after being sober for years, and I couldn’t get enough. I was completely intoxicated by him, and couldn’t even think about the danger I was in. Even as he was telling me about how he would kill me, I still wanted to stay.”</p><p>This started a whole new round of conversations in the room, and I excused myself to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Collin and Brady, the two newest, and youngest, wolves followed me in, smiling at me. </p><p>“Hey, Bella,” Collin was the first to speak. “we wanted to talk to you, if that’s okay?”</p><p>I nodded, motioning for them to follow me as we sat down at the table. They looked at each other before they started. </p><p>“We wanted to tell you that we don’t blame you, for our phasing.” Brady spoke softly. “It was pretty inevitable.”</p><p>Before I could argue, Collin picked up where his friend had left off. “The Cullens would have made it happen anyway, and since James would have come after Alice regardless, the more cold ones would trigger more shifts. It really didn’t have anything to do with you.”</p><p>I watched the two boys in front of me as they smiled, their posture relaxed, and realized that they really didn’t blame me. I knew I would always feel guilty, but it felt good knowing that they didn’t hold any of this against me. I smiled and we all got up, and I pulled each of them into hugs before we went back out to where we had left the rest of the pack. A few people had left, and I made my way over to where Jacob was sitting, settling in beside him, where I would spend the rest of the day. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Another two weeks have passed since I had broken down at Emily’s house, and I found that I had been spending more time as a functioning person now. I was still sick with grief over my dad, but I found it easier to eat, easier to breathe, and easier to be around everyone now. I spent almost everyday with Emily, because it was easy for the pack to protect the both of us while we were together, and the amount of times Victoria had been spotted was increasing with each day. The wolves, during several patrols, had had run-ins with her, and she was often accompanied by other vampires. Upon hearing this, I had been sent into another spiral of fear. The idea of there being more vampires, especially young ones, from what the pack had talked about, was terrifying. It seemed as though she had four more vampires with her. The wolves were not too concerned with fighting them, but were concerned with them being so close to town. </p><p>Sam had finally made the decision to reach out to Carlisle, and he had immediately agreed to help as much as he could, and was okay with only bringing Rosalie along with him. Sam, Jacob, Paul, and Jared had met with the two Cullens on the edge of the treaty line, and the vampires were going to be staying at their own house until the situation with Victoria was taken care of. They shared what they knew about newborns of their kind, and then helped the wolves come up with a plan to lure them out, so that they could attack them. I was glad that the Cullens were being so helpful, but had made the decision not to see them, even though they had asked about me several times. </p><p>The plan to lure out the newborns was simple; I was going to rub some of my blood onto a few rags, which the Cullens were going to spread around the clearing in which I had watched them play baseball all that time ago. This would lure out the newborns and Victoria, and then the wolves would ambush them. Seth, Collin, and Brady would stay back with Emily and I at her house, to protect us in case any vampires make it by the rest of the pack, but it was more to keep the young ones out of the fighting, out of harm’s way. The fight wouldn’t take long anyways, with seven wolves and two old vampires against five vampires, four of which were young and inexperienced. </p><p>They were going to start planting the rags tomorrow, and I was an anxious mess in the hours leading up to it. I didn’t sleep much before, all too soon, the sun was breaking through the curtains in Jake’s room, and he was stirring awake. </p><p>My hands shook as we went through the routine of getting ready, making breakfast, and I packed a small bag to bring with me, before he drove us to Emily’s house. He met up with the rest of the pack, and left after laying a small kiss on my forehead. He phased, and I whispered at him to be careful as he bounded off behind Sam, the rest of the wolves in tow. The younger boys stayed in their wolf forms the whole day, and Brady shifted only once to tell us humans that the plan had worked and that the fighting had begun. Emily and I waited anxiously as we heard the wolves outside whining, watching the fight through their pack mates’ eyes. Only ten minutes had passed since the fight began when I heard a sharp yelp from one of the boys outside, and Seth rushed into the house on two legs. </p><p>“Bella, we need to get to Jake’s house right now,” he panted. “you’re going to have to ride on my back.”</p><p>I rushed outside, feeling sick with worry, and climbed on his back after he had phased. Collin and Brady were staying behind with Emily, but I didn’t pay them much attention before Seth was taking off, running as quickly as he could to the Black house. </p><p>When we got there, I was met by the rest of the pack waiting outside, faces drawn. Before I could ask about what was going on, I heard a scream come from inside the house. I staggered as I realized that it sounded like Jake, and Embry reached out to catch me before I could fall. </p><p>“What happened?” I asked frantically, searching all of their faces for a hint of an answer. </p><p>“Jacob’s hurt,” Sam’s voice was low. “one of the newborns got their arms around him. He’s broken a lot of bones.”</p><p>I gasped, feeling tears well in my eyes. I made to step towards the door as I heard another scream, but Embry pulled me back.</p><p>“Carlisle is in there, rebreaking Jake’s bones so they set right,” he whispered in my ear. “stay out here.”</p><p>I felt my heart stop and let Embry pull me closer to him, and watched Quil step in front of me. It was only then that my eyes found Rosalie, standing further away from the group, and she was already watching me. Embry pulled me further back as more of the boys moved in front of where I was standing. I was grateful to have their bodies blocking me from her, and I couldn’t smell her at all. I sagged against Embry, letting him hold me up as we listened to the sound of Jacob’s screaming for what felt like decades. Eventually, they stopped, and I watched the door swing open as Carlisle stepped out. He and Billy, who was sitting in front of the door, shook hands, and then he turned to the rest of the pack. Now, with Carlisle standing closer to where I was, I could catch a bit of his scent, and the effect was immediate. My heart raced as he opened his mouth to speak. </p><p>“He’ll be okay now,” I felt my knees grow weak as I heard his musical voice. “but he needs to rest. He’s been asking for Bella.”</p><p>I could barely process what he was saying, too caught up in the scent that had a buzz running through my body. I blinked, feeling sluggish, and leaned harder against Embry. </p><p>“Shit, Sam,” I felt Embry’s voice through his chest, and closed my eyes at the vibration. </p><p>“What’s wrong with her?” my eyes snapped open at Rosalie’s voice, like wind chimes. She was approaching us now, and I felt the pack growl as she stepped closer</p><p>“You.” Quil spat at the two. “You guys messed her up with your scent.”</p><p>I saw Carlisle’s face fall at this, and watched as Rosalie’s face pinched in anger as she spoke again. “What do you mean our <em> scent </em>?” </p><p>I blinked hard, before barely opening my mouth and mumbling. “Perfect predator.”</p><p>At my words, the only ones I could get out in this state, Rosalie spun to face Carlisle. “I told you that this was a bad idea. Look at what we’ve done to her, Carlisle. This is why you don’t keep humans around.”</p><p>She stalked off, and Carlisle turned to Sam, speaking quickly. “We never knew that we would have this much of an impact on her, please believe me when I say how sorry we are.”</p><p>He turned to me, raising his voice a bit. “Bella, we aren’t going to come back, okay? We are done with Forks forever, and we will leave you and the pack alone. I will ensure that Edward never makes contact.”</p><p>With that, he and Rosalie sped off, and I was left gaping at their retreating forms. My focus was broken as Embry started moving, leading me into the house and to Jacob’s room, where I sat myself on the floor beside his bed, resting a hand on his face before settling to watch him sleep. I was shaking, tremors radiating up my arms, and the nausea found a home in the pit of my stomach, but I stayed by Jake’s side as he healed. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback, thoughts?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jake got hurt, the pack celebrates a win, Bella does some cleaning, and then hangs out with some friends.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was jolted awake by the feeling of a hand patting my head. My neck and back were sore from having fallen asleep on the floor, and even though the heat radiating from Jacob was keeping me warm, I was shivering. </p><p>“Bells?” Jake’s voice sounded like a croak, and I turned to look up at him. He was lying so that his injured side was closer to the wall, and his uninjured arm was extended towards where I sat on the floor beside him.</p><p>“Hi, Jake,” I smiled at him softly, lifting myself up so that I was kneeling beside him, looking into his eyes. He tried to get up, but immediately let out a small cry and settled back down, face twisting with pain.</p><p>I hushed him, resting my hand on his uninjured shoulder. “Jake, you have to stay still. Do you remember what happened?”</p><p>“We were fighting,” he said after a few minutes. “we were winning, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, you guys won,” he smiled at this, and I shook my head. “but one of the newborns got their arms around you, Jake. It broke a lot of your bones, and Carlisle had to rebreak them so that they could set properly.”</p><p>He blinked at me, looking confused. “How long have I been out?” </p><p>“Only a few hours, hasn’t been too long,” I lay my hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes softly. “try to get some more sleep, it’ll help you heal faster if you’re not moving.”</p><p>“Lie with me?” He stretched his arm out, motioning for me to climb onto the bed.</p><p>I hesitated, sitting back on my heels. “Jake, I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“C’mon Bells, just be careful getting in,” he smiled at me softly as I sighed.</p><p>I stood, then climbed into the bed beside him, curling up under his arm with my head on his chest. He was feverishly warm, even more so than he usually is, and I knew that his body was working overtime to heal him.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” I whispered after a few minutes, trying my hardest not to move.</p><p>He started nodding, then sucked in a sharp breath, groaning softly, and I took that as a yes. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much pain he was actually in. Embry had come in earlier, before I had fallen asleep, and told me that he had broken almost every rib on his left side, as well as his collar bone, and that his shoulder was dislocated. I knew that he would heal quickly, because of the shifter gene, but that it would take longer than usual because of the amount of injuries. I remembered the pain of James breaking my leg, but that had to be nothing compared to what Jake was going through right now. On top of that, his internal temperature meant that he burned through any medication too quickly for it to actually provide any relief, so he just had to sit in his pain until it went away. Curled up against his side, I could feel how shallow his breathing was, and realized that on top of it hurting to move, it was also hurting him to breathe. Slowly, I felt his breathing even out, and he started snoring softly. I smiled, glad that he could find a way to sleep while in pain, even though small whimpers left his lips every time he breathed a little too deeply, or shifted in his sleep. Soon enough, with the sound on his snoring creating a nice rhythm, I was lulled into sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next time I woke up, I found Emily standing over us. She smiled at me, and I shifted as slowly as possible off of the bed, to stand beside her. We watched as Jake frowned softly in his sleep, and he shifted to roll over before he woke up with a sharp gasp, eyes snapping open. He was breathing heavy, and I watched as he lifted his uninjured hand to clutch at his injured ribs. I rested my hand on his, pulling it away so that he couldn’t accidentally do any damage to himself. </p><p>“Stop moving,” I whispered to him, not letting go of his hand. He tilted his head back, letting out a small puff of air, before settling down again. </p><p>“How are you feeling, Jacob?” Emily asked, catching his eyes. “Do you want to try to eat something?”</p><p>“Better than last night, Em, thanks,” his voice was hoarse, but he smiled at her. “and I could do with some food.”</p><p>“Soft food, Jacob, nothing too crazy,” she shook her head at him, smiling, before she left the room and returned with a bowl of oatmeal, an apple that had been cut into small slices, and a cup of water with a straw. She set it down on the small table beside his bed, and sent one of the guys in to help Jake sit up a bit. </p><p>It was really hard to watch as Quil resituated Jake. He was groaning in pain the whole time, and Quil just kept apologizing under his breath. I had settled into the corner, watching the whole thing with wide eyes and shaking slightly. A seed of guilt planted itself in the bottom of my stomach, but remembered what Collin and Brady had said to me. None of them blamed me for anything that was happening here. I shoved down the guilt, and smiled as I sat on the bed, close enough that I could help Jake eat.</p><p>It was a long process. I had to help feed him, as it jostled his injured side too much when he fed himself, and he couldn’t take large bites. The oatmeal was the easiest, as it was soft enough for him to swallow without chewing, but he managed to get through the apple as well. After he had finished, he opted to stay seated for a while longer, not wanting to lie down again just yet. We talked quietly as some of the boys passed by to visit, and Billy joined up for a little while. </p><p>I tried to avoid telling Jake about what had happened outside, with Carlisle, but couldn’t get out of it once he asked me why I was shaking. The tremors in my hands hadn’t gone away yet, but there wasn’t much nausea or dizziness left over. </p><p>“I got a little too close to Carlisle before he left, but it wasn’t too bad this time,” I started. “I didn’t get as close as I had gotten to Laurent, so the recovery is much faster and easier. Just some tremors left over, they’ll be gone soon.” </p><p>He frowned at me, then gestured with his head for me to get closer to him. I understood what he wanted when he opened his arm, and I settled into his side, leaning a little on his chest. We stayed like that for most of the day as his body slowly repaired itself, taking naps and talking. I only left once, to use the bathroom, and called Embry to help Jake get to the bathroom a little later as well. When Jake got hungry again, I went to the kitchen to find that Emily had left a pot of stew on the stove, and brought Jake a big bowl, helping him eat it. He fell asleep soon after that, stomach full and the remnants of pain still bothering him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took Jake two days in total to heal fully, and he was itching to get out of the house. I forced him to take a shower before he left, as he had been sitting in his own sweat for days, but as soon as he was done he dropped me off at Emily’s house and ran outside, shifting on the fly. He ran a patrol with Embry and Quil while Emily and I prepared a big celebratory dinner, and soon the entire pack was filtering through the doors. I was happy to see Jake run in, laughing with his two friends, fully recovered. His cheeks were flushed with a healthy glow, and it was relieved to see that he was back to his happy self. We all sat around the living room, plated balanced on our knees and sitting wherever we could find space, as Sam called for everyone’s attention. Jake was sitting on the couch and I was on the floor in front of him, leaning my back against his legs. </p><p>“A toast,” he cleared his throat, as side conversations quieted down. “to our pack. We will always come out on top of whatever challenges we face, and try not to get anymore hugs from leeches,” he turned to look at Jake, and everyone laughed before he continued, “to our wonderful support, and the people we work to protect. And one last toast, to Charlie Swan, an amazing father who was stolen from us. May we strive to protect our people with a fraction of the same passion that he used to protect his, and never forget who he was. His story will now be told alongside our legends to the future generations of protectors, to show them exactly who we are protecting.”</p><p>Tears were running down my face, but I smiled widely at Sam as everyone cheered in agreement. Knowing that my father, who was pulled into this fight unnecessarily and in such a cruel way, would be commemorated forever warmed my heart. Finding out that his story would be told as a way to motivate future pack members was not what I had expected, but I was glad that he would never be forgotten. Jake patted my head from where he sat behind me, and I twisted around to face him. He had a huge grin spread across his face, and held out a hand for a high five, and I laughed. We all ate, talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company until it started getting dark. </p><p>We all headed out, making our way down to First Beach, where we would be having a bonfire and Billy would be adding to the legends. He was going to tell of what had passed, how boys too young to shift and a woman had phased, how the pack grew to protect a woman from a group of cold ones who were acting out of revenge, and add a commemoration for Charlie. We gathered around the fire as it grew, and as soon as the stars were shining, Billy was calling everyone to attention.</p><p>“Tonight, we add to the legends we know to be true, with a story from our own generation” Billy’s voice halted all other conversations. “The descendants of Taha Aki, those who protect us, are victorious yet again against the cold ones, but not without loss on our side. A cold one, a blood-drinker, was angry that her mate had been killed in order to protect a human, and planned revenge against those who had taken her mate from her. She was unaware, however, of the fact that those who had killed her mate had already moved on, leaving the human alone and defenseless."</p><p>He paused, and I watched him make eye contact with Sam before continuing. 'There were only three protectors at this time, and though they knew the cold one was in the area, they did not know why she lingered. As the pack grew in numbers, another cold one made himself to be known, trying to attack the same human. Our protectors stopped him, but still the female stayed. It was only once the human had come to the protectors, sharing with them her history with the cold one, were they able to plan on how to eliminate the threat. However, they were distracted by planning and the cold one slipped through the cracks, and was able to attack the human’s father, killing him. The human’s father was also a protector of sorts, and the attack was merciless and cruel. The father was a friend to many of our people, and the pain that followed the heartless attack was felt by many."</p><p>I could hear Billy's voice thicken with emotion, and it reminded me of just how close he was to my father.</p><p>"Our protectors were spurred into action, motivated by the loss, to ensure that there were no more humans lost to the monsters. The cold one attempted to strengthen her own numbers, creating four newborns of her kind, but our protectors’ numbers also increased to double theirs, and the cold ones were no match. Though one of our protectors was badly injured, the cold ones succumbed quickly, and the fight was over. Yet again, the protectors had done their duty, and our people were safe.”</p><p>Though everyone attending was either in the pack or connected to them, many of us were holding our breath through the story. Billy, a natural storyteller, captivated his audience, even when everyone already knew the stories. </p><p>He had paused, looking around at the group. “This story will be told to future protectors, to show them that the threat is not ancient, but instead ongoing. The cold ones are still a danger to those we protect, and we must treat them as such. Those in this generation who do not know of the reality of our legends will not yet hear this, as we wish to mask the identities of our protectors, but everyone is grateful to your service. You, as a pack, keep these people, keep your families, safe from harm, and for that I hope you feel proud.”</p><p>The pack were all smiling at each other, and it was contagious. Once the serious air of Billy’s story lifted, everyone was back to joking and laughing around the fire, and after Emily and Sue had gone inside to get things for s’mores, the pack were all stuffing their faces again. Those of us who were not constantly hungry teenage wolves laughed as they started fighting over the last few s’mores, and I felt so happy to be there with them. It struck me, again, that though I was not a part of this family, they made me feel welcome no matter what. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I woke up one morning with the realization that it was now June. I would be graduating at the end of the month. In under six months, I had made a best friend, brought my grades up, learned how to ride a motorcycle, found the meadow, lost my best friend, almost gotten killed by a vampire, gotten so much closer to my dad, tried to kill myself, found my best friend again, told Jacob about my vampire problem, found out that said best friend was actually a shape-shifting wolf, gotten my dad killed, moved in with my best friend, broken down multiple times in front of the pack, had the pack kill a vampire that was hunting me down, reconnected briefly with some of the vampires I used to consider <em> friends </em>, and so much more. I couldn’t believe all that had come to pass since January, since I had first visited Jake with those bikes. It had only been a little over a month and a half since Charlie had died, but I finally had a chance to catch my breath and actually deal with my grief without also having to worry about being hunted down. </p><p>Today, bright and early, Jake and I were heading back to Charlie’s house. I wanted to clean up his room and move some of his things into it. Jake joked with me, telling me that I was essentially building a shrine for my dad in his room, but it was a half truth. I wanted to move all of his sports memorabilia, his favourite chair, and a few other of his things into the room, making it a space where I could go to feel connected with him. I had also made the decision to move into the house after I graduate, and I wanted to freshen the place up before I move in. </p><p>When we got there, it took a while before I could actually go into his room. After standing outside of the door for about half an hour, I finally pushed it open, and was surprised at what I found. I had thought that it would look like a bloodbath in there, as if there would be stains everywhere, but it was surprisingly clean. His bed was missing, even the frame, and there was a big empty space where it used to be. I didn’t go in his room often, when I did live here, but it looked exactly like it always had. He had a few picture frames scattered on the walls and his dresser, pictures of him, myself, and my mom, from when I was a baby, pictures of him and I from when I used to visit over the summer, pictures of him, Billy, and Harry on their fishing trips, pictures of me that Renee had sent him over the years, and pictures of him with his parents. Looking through all of them brought a lump to my throat, but I didn’t let myself cry. I needed to get this done, needed to create a space for him, and I couldn’t let a break down get in the way of that. I turned to where Jake was standing by the door, watching me, and gave him a small smile. </p><p>“Do you think you can carry his chair up?” I knew it was pointless to ask, since he could probably carry a house or something else freakishly heavy, but humoured him anyways. </p><p>After he had gotten the chair situated in the room, I started going through the things that I wanted to put on display around the room, and put everything else in empty drawers or his closet. I bagged up his clothes that I wanted to keep, to try to deter moths from getting to them, and put another pile of them in a box for donations. I had to take a few breaks in between, when it got to be a little too much, but had worked steadily through the day. Jake had helped when I asked him to, but mostly just sat in Charlie’s chair and watched me as I worked. He kept up a constant stream of talking, and I was grateful for the noise. Had we been in there in silence, I probably would have started crying or freaking out. </p><p>We took a break for lunch, and I drove us to a hardware store while we were out to get some things I needed to hang stuff around the room, and then to a small home store to get a rug. When we got back, I went out to the garage and grabbed his fishing pole, then to the lockbox where he kept his rifle and grabbed that as well. After Jake made sure that it wasn’t loaded, and locking any ammunition back into the safe, I brought both objects up to the room. I got to work, getting Jake to move the chair so that I could fit the new rug under it, and hanging the pole and rifle on opposite walls, making sure that they were surrounded by pictures. I wanted all of the things that were most important to my dad to be in that room, to be fairly represented. I stood back, looking around the room, before turning and almost running back to the garage. Jake followed me, looking a little concerned, but I kept going. I found a screwdriver, and then made my way into the kitchen. I sat myself down in front of a smaller cabinet, and Jake stopped me as I started to unscrew the door. </p><p>“Bella, woah,” he grabbed my hand. “what’re you doing that for?”</p><p>“‘Need to put one in the room,” I huffed, pulling my hand out of his before starting again with the screwdriver. “he never changed them after Renee left, he loved these cabinets, Jake. I need to keep one, especially if I end up renovating the kitchen soon.”</p><p>He sat beside me, and bumped me out of the way. “At least let me unscrew it, Bells, you’re going to strip the screw at this point, and you’ll never get it out then.”</p><p>I sat back and smiled as he quickly got the door off, and led him back to the room. He handed it off to me, and I propped it up on top of the dresser, leaning a picture of him, my mom, and me as a baby against it. I stepped into the doorway and looked back around the room, smiling when I saw the finished product. It was perfect, and it was everything that Charlie loved all in one place. Jake was standing beside me, but watching me, and I knew that he must’ve seen the tears welling up in my eyes as he tugged me into his arms, closing them around me. He hugged me tightly, and moved us over to Charlie’s chair, where he sat down, pulling me onto his lap and letting me cry, holding me like he had the first time I had visited the house again after the attack. </p><p>I don’t know how long we sat like that, but I felt myself drifting off before I was startled awake by the phone ringing from the kitchen. Jake hopped up, settling me back onto the chair and then ran to get the phone in time. I heard his muffled voice downstairs, and was about to close my eyes again to try and sleep when I heard him shout my name. I hummed, knowing he would hear me, and he paused for a second before yelling up again.</p><p>“Embry and Quil want to know if they can come by,” he stopped yelling for a second, and I heard him talking into the phone again before he kept going. “they said they’ll bring dinner!”</p><p>“That’s fine Jake, how long until they’re here?” I called down in a normal voice, still feeling drowsy. </p><p>He didn’t answer for a moment, and I was starting to doze off when he appeared in the doorway, grinning. “They’re sort of already in the driveway, that was Emily on the phone.”</p><p>As he finished, I heard a knock on the door, and Jake turned and ran back downstairs. I laughed, got up and pulled on one of my dad’s sweatshirts that I had laid out, and then followed the sound of the boys’ voices to the kitchen, where Quil was pointing at the missing cabinet door and Jake was shaking his head, eyes wide. The three of them froze, staring at me like deer in headlights when they realized I was there, and I started cracking up at how comical they looked. Quil was still pointing at the door, but he was blushing bright red, Embry was looking back and forth from Quil and I, and Jake’s eyes were opened wider than I thought possible. Embry was the first to start laughing with me, and soon we were all laughing while Jake smacked the back of Quil’s head.</p><p>“It’s fine, Quil,” I waved off his rushed apologies. “my dad really loved the doors, they reminded him of before my mom left him, and I wanted to keep one. I’m going to be renovating the kitchen, and didn’t want to forget to keep it later, so I just got it done today.”</p><p>The boys had stopped laughing as I explained, but still had smiles on their faces as they started setting the table. I grabbed some soda that was left over in the fridge, and we settled as comfortably as we could around the small kitchen table. After spending so much time around the pack, even though I was considerably shorter than all of them, it was still easy to forget that they were so tall, and they were all bumping elbows around the table. I was funny to watch, and I laughed every time one of them almost spilled a drink or shoved someone else’s arm out of their personal space.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>We joked around for a while, eventually moving to the couch and putting movies on, but not really paying attention to them. It felt good to relax and laugh until my stomach hurt, and it helped pass the time quickly. Before we knew it, it was approaching one in the morning and we were all starting to get tired, and I felt my busy day catching up with me. I offered that everyone could stay here, and the boys all accepted, and I started to delegate where everyone was sleeping. </p><p>“Embry, Quil, you guys decide who gets the cot and who gets the couch. Jake, take my bed, I’m sleeping in the chair.” I announced, going to the closet to grab extra blankets and tossing them to the boys on the couch. </p><p>“The chair?” Jake was shaking his head at me. “No way, Bells, you’re not sleeping on a chair.”</p><p>“C’mon, Jake, it’s comfortable and I want to,” I was glaring at him, fixing him with my best don’t-fight-me-on-this look. “we don’t have any other beds and you guys are all too big to sleep on the chair.”</p><p>“Ouch, Bella, are you calling me fat?” Embry had his hand clutched over his chest, feigning hurt. </p><p>I rolled my eyes at his antics, not even bothering to answer as I turned and went up the stairs. Embry stayed on the couch, and the other two followed me up. Jake helped me pull the cot out, and Quil sat on it while making a joke about my underwear drawer. I heard Embry laughing loudly from downstairs as Jake growled, and I shook my head at them before grabbing my pyjamas, changing into them in the bathroom, and going to Charlie’s room, closing the door behind me. </p><p>“Goodnight, Daddy,” I whispered as I settled into the chair, pulling one of my dad’s bigger flannels around me. I knew the boys could probably hear me, but it didn’t bother me much, and they knew I missed my dad. As I listened to the sounds of the house settling around me I pressed my nose into the flannel, taking in a big breath of my dad’s scent, and closed my eyes, falling asleep with a small smile on my face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I genuinely hate the way I write because I get inspiration for a future chapter, write the whole thing, but then have to fill the spaces in between and lose motivation while doing it.</p><p>I hope this wasn't a complete dumpster fire!! Feedback is more than welcome!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A sleepover, graduation, and an unwelcome reunion.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW - IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT {"*****" marks the beginning of it. though there is no full description, if you wish to skip it you will not miss any plot.}</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My last month of school passed by in a blur and there were only two weeks left until I was officially done with high school. Finals were coming up, and Angela had called me last week asking if I wanted to study with her and some of our other friends. I had been neglecting my friendships in Forks again, and though they all understood that what had happened with Charlie was tough, I still felt bad about leaving them all like that. So bad, in fact, that I had invited the group of them over to Charlie’s house, which I guess I could call my own now, for a study session and to hang out. They were all ecstatic, and I realized that I had never hosted anybody from school before. </p><p>They were all coming over tonight, and I had also invited Jake, Quil, and Embry to join us. We were going to make a whole night of it, and it had somehow turned into a sleepover as we were planning. I ordered pizzas ahead of time, and had gone grocery shopping to stock up on soda, snacks, and anything else we might need. </p><p>Jake had been with me at the house, helping me tidy up, and Quil and Embry had brought us lunch and stayed to assist with the set up for tonight. Soon enough, six o’clock rolled around and people started arriving, bringing in their sleeping bags and settling into the living room. For the first hour or so we had tried to study, but mixing Jake, Quil, and Embry with Tyler, Ben, Eric, and Mike turned out to be a disaster. If they weren’t arguing loudly over what movie to put on, they were rough housing on the floor, and Jess gave up on studying the first time the boys had spilled soda on her textbook, Angela, Katie and I quickly following. </p><p>It turns out I had missed quite a bit in the past few months, as Eric now had a girlfriend, Katie. She was a nice girl, and fit in easily with the rest of us. Her personality was closer to Angela’s, but she could also keep up with Jessica’s energy. Mike and Jessica were back in the on-again zone of their on-again off-again relationship, while Ben, Tyler, and Angela were all single. It was nice to catch up on some gossip and learn about everyone’s plans for college, as well as hear about everything else I had missed out on by not going to school.</p><p>Embry had gone to the kitchen to grab some more snacks, leaving Jake and Quil to wrestle in the middle of the room with Tyler and Ben cheering them on, while Mike and Eric went back out to the car to grab something they had claimed to have forgotten. They walked back in, dragging a huge cooler between them, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t have anything against them drinking, but they seem to have brought enough for a raging house party, way more than ten high school students. As they opened it up and started passing drinks around, I got up and started bringing some of the empty pizza boxes into the kitchen, Jake grabbing other garbage and following me. We tidied up a bit, laughing to ourselves every time the volume rose in the other room, and then leaned against the counter together for a moment. </p><p>“Thanks for doing this,” I turned to him, smiling.</p><p>“Hanging out?” he looked confused, and I laughed at the goofy face he made. “Bella, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but you’re actually not that hard to be around.”</p><p>“Shut up,” I elbowed him, still laughing. “you know that’s not what I mean.”</p><p>“I genuinely have no clue what you’re talking about then.” he laughed, but his smile shrunk when he noticed the serious look I was giving him.</p><p>“You’re only eighteen, Jake, you shouldn’t have to be stuck as a babysitter,” I shook my head as he opened his mouth, ready to interrupt. “you’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t want anything different, but I hate that I’m always relying on you when I get bad. You deserve to have your own fun with your own friends! I feel like I’m always taking up all of your time.”</p><p>“Bella, honestly, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. You just said it yourself, I’m your best friend! That means that I’m here to support you, and it really doesn’t bother me. I’m here for whatever you need me for, Bells. If I wasn’t happy about it I would tell you. As for hanging out with my own friends, I’m pretty sure Quil and Embry like you better anyways.” Though his words were serious, I couldn’t help but smile at him. He rolled his eyes with the last sentence, and opened his arms towards me, pulling me into a hug. I laughed as he squashed me against his chest, squealing when he squeezed even harder. </p><p>“Let’s get back in there before they break your living room,” he sent me a wink before turning and pulling me down the hall. “are you drinking tonight?”</p><p>I nodded after thinking about it for a second. Jake was here, and everyone was just having fun, so I didn't see any harm in it. He grabbed a couple of bottles from the cooler as we made our way back into the living room, and sat on the couch, pulling me down to squeeze in beside him. I had a nice buzz running through me from the few drinks, and was just happy sitting there, listening to everybody talk. The boys seemed to calm down as the night went on, and soon there was a lull in conversation as everyone quieted down.</p><p>I felt Jake’s chest shaking, trying to stifle his laughter, a second before Quil cleared his throat and clapped his hands together loudly. “Alright, let’s play a game!”</p><p>Everyone startled at his clap, and that pushed Jake into loud peals of laughter, and soon enough all of us were laughing as Quil pouted.</p><p>“No, seriously, guys, truth or dare or something!” he was wiggling his eyebrows at the group before Embry elbowed him in the ribs. I knew that the two of them and Jake weren’t drunk or anything, their body temperature and healing rate making it nearly impossible at this point, but it was nice to watch them let loose. A few of us nodded along with his suggestion, and then we were all resituating so that we were sitting closer together.</p><p>We ended up playing truth or dare until we could barely keep our eyes open, deciding that it was time to turn in and head to sleep. We had learned about a few embarrassing secrets - like Ben’s CareBear collection, and Tyler’s crush on one of his middle school teachers - and we also got to watch Jake go streaking down the street. Eventually the game had just turned into asking stupid questions, so I got everyone started on figuring out sleeping arrangements. Quil, Embry, Jake, and myself would be upstairs in my room, Quil on the cot, Embry on one of my dad’s old air mattresses, and Jake and I were taking my bed. The rest of my friends would be downstairs in the living room, splitting up on the couches and in sleeping bags. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I had finally made it through all of my finals, and was set to graduate in two days. Billy, Jake, Quil, and Embry were going to be in the crowd as I walked, and I couldn’t wait to get it over with. After graduation, there was going to be a bonfire and party down at First Beach, a combination of Forks kids and a few kids who live on the rez - mostly pack members. </p><p>The graduation ceremony was fun, but really emotional too. It was nice to have the boys cheering for me as I walked, even if they went a bit over the top, but it was hard to not cry with the amount of people who came up to tell me how proud Charlie would’ve been. Jake had to come to the rescue a few times, pulling me away from the crowd to help calm me down, and I was grateful for the short breaks. Soon enough, the crowd started thinning out, people going home, and we all left to go for lunch at the diner. </p><p>“So,” Billy started talking as we were finishing up with our meals. “what’s the plan for tonight?”</p><p>“Jake and I were going to get ready at my house, and then try to get to the beach early to help set up.” I said. “That’s fine, right?”</p><p>“Yup!” Quil smiled. “Embry’s going to drive us back home and we’ll meet you two at the beach later.”</p><p>“Be careful tonight, and keep an eye on each other,” Billy’s face turned serious. “I know you boys are going to be fine, but there will probably be drinking and it isn’t the safest, especially so close to the ocean, and after dark.”</p><p>The boys all nodded, Sam had already put them all on watch duty, and while they would still be having fun, they were also to be on the lookout for anybody who seemed to be starting trouble, getting too close to the water after drinking, and to make sure everyone would be safe. </p><p>I blushed when Billy fixed a look on me. “I better not catch you complaining about a hangover or anything tomorrow, missy.”</p><p>“C’mon, Billy, when have I been the one to cause trouble?” I laughed, shaking my head at him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After Jake and I got to my house, he hopped in the shower as I started getting dressed for tonight. Over the past few months I had learned to adjust what I was wearing to accommodate for the fact that Jake was like a furnace, so I now wore a little less than usual, knowing I’d be by his side the whole night. Jake had told me earlier that if I was drinking he wanted to always be near me, to make sure I was okay, and though it came off as controlling I shook off the feeling, knowing I had a habit of getting myself in trouble and that I’d be safe with him. Besides, I had grown to love his near constant company, and felt more comfortable with him by my side than anywhere else.</p><p>Once we were both dressed and ready we drove over to the parking lot at the beach before walking up to Emily’s house, splitting up when we got there. Sam had all of the pack members dragging logs and benches to create circles around multiple fire pits, and making sure the area was well lit and set for a party. He had waved Emily and I off every time we offered to help, telling us to just sit back and relax on the porch. We talked for a few hours, watching the progress on the beach, before cars started pulling in and people started making their ways down to the beach, bringing coolers and folding chairs with them. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Soon enough, the sun was setting and a few of the boys went around lighting the fires. People were pulling out drinks, and I found myself sitting with Angela, the both of us laughing as we watched Embry and Quil as they tried to toss Jake into the ocean. After a few minutes they caught him off guard, but he grabbed them both by their shirts and tugged them in with him. The three of them were laughing, as they ran back over to us. Angela and I shrieked when they started shaking like dogs, spraying us with the cold ocean water, and it just made them laugh harder.</p><p>“Jake!” I yelped as he sat down beside me and pulled me into his side, drenching me. He laughed as I pushed him off. </p><p>“Sorry, Bells,” he didn’t look too apologetic as he said it. “how can I make it up to you?”</p><p>I hummed, tapping my chin and pretending to think for a second. “You could go and get Ange and I some more drinks?”</p><p>He laughed and nodded before jumping up to make his way to the closest cooler, grabbing as many drinks as he could before plopping back down beside me, handing each of us a bottle. We sat around in front of the fire for another hour or so, different people joining us, joking around and drinking, before I started to shiver. </p><p>“Hey,” I nudged Jake, pulling his attention away from where Mike was telling a story. “I forgot my jacket in the truck, I’m going to go grab it.”</p><p>“Want me to come with you?” he asked as I stood up, but I shook my head.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, I’ll just be a minute,” I waved him off before making my way up the path that led to where I had parked the truck. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The parking lot was empty when I got there, and I could just barely make out my truck through the dark. When I got to it, I tugged open the passenger and reached behind it, to where I had shoved my jacket, and pulled it on as I turned around. I was looking down, fiddling with the zipper, and accidentally moved forward into a hard wall, which turned out to be a person. </p><p>“Sorry!” I looked up with my eyes wide, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw who it was. I took a step back, stuck between the open door of the truck and the person in front of me. My hands were shaking, and I quickly abandoned all efforts I was making in zipping up my jacket. </p><p>“No blood, no foul,” he smirked, and I took a deep breath. Bad idea. As his scent washed over me I felt the buzz I had from drinking increase, my knees going weak. </p><p>“No,” I whispered, locking eyes with him and gasping when I saw that his were a bright red. I tried to take another step back, but I bumped up against my truck, and I knew I had nowhere to go. </p><p>Before I could even think to call for Jacob, to yell for help, he was grabbing me and running. I felt like I was going to throw up, the alcohol sloshing in my stomach as he ran through the forest, the trees passing in a blur. I whimpered and turned my face into his shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut. Before I knew it we stopped, and I looked around, noticing that we were in his room. </p><p>The metal storm shutters had been pulled down over the windows, but he had a lamp turned on in the corner, casting a dim light over the room. It looked almost identical to the first time I had been here, but a few of the books and music albums were missing, leaving spaces on his shelves. He stood over me after setting me on the couch, and grabbed my chin, turning my face up to look at him. </p><p>“I hate to see how much you’ve let yourself go, my love,” he shook his head at me. “but spending so much time with those mutts will do that to a person.”</p><p>I felt the wetness of tears on my face, and tried to swallow a sob that threatened to force itself out. In an instant his cold fingers were wiping at my cheeks, and I tried to pull away. He blew in my face, drying the tears and sending the concentrated stream of his scent over me. I felt my body relax further, giving into the buzz and feeling my eyelids slip shut as I whimpered quietly. </p><p>“You know, I knew Carlisle was hiding something for me, being so protective over his thoughts after coming home smelling like dogs, but I never imagined it would be something like this.” his cool breath fanned over my face as he spoke. “I knew the effect I had on you was strong, but this is so much better. You can barely even move, love.”</p><p>He was chuckling as he tilted my head back, running his nose across my neck, trailing down over my collarbones, and then he was resting his cold cheek against the base of my throat, like he had that first time in the meadow. His hair tickled the underside of my chin, and a whine pushed itself through when he turned his head and pressed a kiss to where his cheek had been. He let go of his hold on my head and trailed his hands down my body, making me shiver, before he started talking again.</p><p>“Look at what you’ve gotten yourself into without me here, my Bella. You’re getting drunk on a beach with those simple humans, with those stupid dogs. Where is my love, the one I left behind?” he was holding my face again, tightening his hold and forcing my eyes to meet his. “What became of you when I left?”</p><p>“Please,” I whispered, feeling another round of tears spill onto my cheeks. </p><p>“Come now, Bella,” Edward was shaking his head. “I see now that I shouldn’t have left you. You’re not the same, you’ve been soiled by those dogs. Look at what you’re wearing! You would have never dressed like this if I were here, wearing shorts that barely cover anything!” </p><p>He was pulling my jacket - my dad’s jacket - off of me as he kept speaking. “What does your father think of all of these changes? Does he approve of you barely dressing to go drink with boys?”</p><p>I whimpered, thinking about my father. I was in a haze, barely listening to what he was saying, but the comment about my dad caught me off guard, and he must have picked up on it.</p><p>“Come to think of it, when I went by your house earlier his scent was stale, almost gone, but there was a fresher scent of blood. What happened to your father, Bella?” He was smiling down at me, and his eyes softened. “Where is Charlie now, is he going to be looking for you?”</p><p>“Victoria,” I choked out, squeezing my eyes shut. He went silent for a moment, but gripped my chin tightly, forcing my eyes back open.</p><p>“Victoria?” there was confusion in his eyes, before recognition set in. “Ah, the nomad! Well, it makes sense that she would come back for you. For your sake, I am truly sorry she went after Charlie, but he was only human.”</p><p>I was crying again, but he pulled me into his chest, shushing me. I was too close to him, his cold skin causing shivers to run through my body, covering me in goosebumps. With my face in his chest, I was hit by more and more of his scent every time I took a breath, and the high buzz was slowly sedating me. I felt my eyelids grow heavy, and as much as I wanted to push him away I couldn’t even manage to raise a finger.</p><p>He pulled away abruptly before I could fall asleep, setting me on my back on the couch and stepping away. He watched me for a few minutes, with those red eyes, smiling with his teeth on full display, before he walked at a slow human pace and sat beside me. </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’ve missed me, Isabella,” he hummed my full name, running his fingers down my sides. </p><p>I blinked at him, tears still running down my face in a steady stream, as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts, tugging them down. I tried to lift my arms, cover myself, but he batted them out of the way quickly, chuckling at me. </p><p>“Come on, my love, don’t be difficult,” his eyes flashed, and they appeared black now. “I’ve missed how good you always were for me. You’ll be good for me now, won’t you?”</p><p>I whimpered, shaking my head and squirming on the couch. He held my hips down, thumbs digging in, and I let out a cry at the pressure, knowing that I would bruise. </p><p>"Edward, please, no," I looked him in the eyes before shaking my head violently.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you,” he moved one hand so that it was pushing at my lower stomach, holding me down, as he moved to hover over me. “you know I’ve never wanted to hurt you.”</p><p>I shut my eyes, preparing for what I knew was coming next, and could do nothing but scream as the pain broke through the haze. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>bro I don't even know why I did this lol this is honestly just turning into a game of "how traumatized can Bella get before she finally gets a break?"</p><p>NEXT 2 CHAPTERs ARE GOING TO BE FROM JAKE'S POINT OF VIEW!!<br/>It'll probably be some of the only times we'll see things from his perspective, but I might mix it up again in the future!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jacob helps Bella.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I got super critical of what I had initially posted as chapters 11-13, so I’ve rewritten them!</p><p>If you’ve been following along with updates as of March 31, 2021, then I ask that you go back and reread chapters 11 through 13. </p><p>I’m going to be including this note before the aforementioned chapters, just as a reminder!</p><p>CW - Sexual Assault {starts at beginning of chapter, end is marked by "*****" - you will not miss plot if you skip that part, and dialogue follows.}</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I could barely even lift my arms on my own, intoxicated by his presence, but he still held me down. He kept one hand holding my wrists above my head, and the other locked on my hip. Every time I tried to move he would squeeze just a little harder, hissing at me to stay still, to not make it harder than it has to be. He laughed as I cried out, and told me how much he had missed my voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rocked against me, into me, relentlessly, and searing pain followed every movement. The rusty scent of my blood hung heavy in the air, but it didn’t seem to phase the man above me. I felt nauseous from the smell, but couldn’t even try to hold my breath, panting through the pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only was the pain nearly unbearable, but he taunted me with his comments throughout. He sounded condescending as he assured me that he had used protection, citing the fact that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t stomach being in the same place as dogs</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What felt like an eternity later I felt his pace stutter, and then he was pulling away from me to sit at the other end of the couch. I shivered, pulling my knees up to my chest and trying to put as much distance between us as I could. I let the tears stream down my face, not even bothering to wipe them away as I choked on my sobs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>*****</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We never did go all the way, did we?” He turned to me, and I avoided looking at his glowing eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed when I didn’t answer, and moved closer to me, pulling at my hands with his own. I sobbed harder, trying to take my hands back and shrink into myself, but he just squeezed harder. “I asked you something, love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shook my head, hoping that that was a good enough answer for him, and he seemed to accept it as he loosened his grip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I came to visit,” his voice was soft, but I still flinched as he spoke. “I saw a vision that Alice couldn’t quite hide from me, but decided that this little reunion would be a good way to lead into my final moments.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was confused by his words. Alice knew that he would do this to me? She saw it? What did he mean by his final moments? I mustn't have done a good job of masking my confusion, because he chuckled before continuing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your dogs are loyal,” he was sitting beside me now, pressed against my side as he grabbed my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I figured this would be a way to remind you of who you really belonged to, before them. It’s an added bonus that I get to hurt them in the process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re going to kill you.” My voice was hoarse as I spoke through my tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” His tone sent a chill down my back. “But I had to finish what I started, had to make sure you remembered how much you meant to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Small details, Bella. Surely not anything to get too worked up over.” He smiled at me, the same sweet smile he had given me in our meadow, and when he had first played the lullaby he composed for me. My breath caught in my throat as I noticed how it contrasted his blazing red eyes. “You have been my favourite pet, though, and it was so very worth it to come and visit you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat there, not speaking or moving, still gripping my chin, for another minute. I had so many things I wanted to ask him, had so many thoughts running through my brain. As much as I wanted him to let me go, to leave me alone, I couldn’t help the physical reaction to the buzz he gave me as I relaxed into his hold. Panic and pain had kept me lucid, kept me awake, but physically I was like putty in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My tongue felt heavy as I spoke. “Why didn’t you just let James change me?” It wasn’t the question I wanted to ask, but it seemed like my mouth had a mind of its own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to be burdened with you forever, especially when you believed you were my mate.” He let go of my chin, but stayed beside me. “I should have drained you right then and there, but I had to keep up appearances for my family. I knew they wouldn’t approve of how I truly felt about you, and I wasn’t going to let them stop me. You were a good pet, the perfect toy, but it was just that. I never wanted anything more than a toy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After I had left you, my singer, and no other blood appealed to me any more. I even tried to find other humans, but it was always disappointing. It would never compare to you, and I needed to see if you still had the same effect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A fresh sob caught in my throat at this. It was one thing to see his red eyes, but to know that he had killed humans, and more than one, because of me was a whole different story. He was truly a monster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to kill me now?” I thought of Jake, of Billy, of the pack, and all that they had done to keep me safe these past few months. It would all be for nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he stood, sounding bored, and I watched as he walked to the door of his room. He picked up my dad’s coat along the way, tossing it at me, before glancing in my direction. “It seems that our time is over, my Bella. I hope you live a long life, and never forget the precious time we have spent together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood in the doorway, watching me as I wrapped the jacket around me, breathing in the remnants of my dad’s cologne and trying to block out the smell of my own blood. I could hear howls outside, and knew that the pack were on their way, that they were close. This is what he meant when he said that our time was over, and I couldn’t help but sob harder, in slight relief that he would be gone. As the growling grew louder, he disappeared from the doorway, and I let out a shuddering breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard the muffled sounds of voices downstairs, accompanied by snarling. After a minute or so the sound of the wolves outside came to a peak, and I shook slightly as I heard the explosion of barking. I couldn’t help but fear for the worst, fear that one of the pack members had been hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was quiet for a moment, and I strained to even hear a hint of a voice, and then startled when I heard Edward’s voice louder than I had ever heard it before. Pushing myself off of the couch, I hit the floor hard, and heard my wrist snap under my weight before the pain caught up. I cried out, cradling my arm to my chest as I moved backwards, pushing myself to the closest corner and curling up into it, making myself as small as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the same moment, the shrieking sound of metal being torn apart pierced my ears, and I cringed back. I could vaguely connect the sounds to the same ones that had filled the ballet studio a year ago, but the barking was loud again, snarls bouncing off the walls. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the silhouette of a man filled the doorway, and I whimpered as I tried to pull the jacket tighter around me, as I tried to make myself impossibly smaller. I covered my face with my hands, ignoring the pain that radiated through my wrist, and willed myself not to pass out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I heard someone talking from the direction of the door, but was too focused on my own pain to try to make out what they were saying. I heard footsteps approaching, and curled in on myself further when I heard a sigh from right in front of me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took me a moment, and a few deep, calming breaths to register that the person in front of me was asking me to uncover my face. I cried out again as I did so, my wrist shouting its protest to the movement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jake,” my voice was hoarse as I looked up at him, taking in his worried expression, before I reached out to him with my good arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips were moving, but I could barely understand what he was saying through the pain I was feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurts, Jake, hurts.” Was all I could manage, my voice catching in my throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was still shaking, and I watched as he shifted, moving from a crouch to sitting down properly, and as he opened his arms towards me. Without even thinking I pushed myself forward, latching onto him and settling into his embrace. I sobbed harder into his chest as he rocked me, but froze when I heard another set of footsteps coming close. A strangled sound escaped me, and I gripped Jacob’s arm with my hand, as hard as I could. I felt Jake moving and held on tighter, not wanting him to leave me, but he stayed as the footsteps retreated again, and I heard the door click shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Bells,” I turned to look up at him as he spoke, making eye contact and feeling myself relax a bit as I took in his brown eyes. This was my Jake, his eyes so different compared the last pair I’d seen, and that fact in itself was a huge relief. I knew that Jake had never hurt me before, and allowed myself to relax a little more into his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get these sweats on you? So we can bring you home nice and covered?” He kept his voice low as he spoke to me, and I noticed the pants he held in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded in response, and kept my hand latched onto his arm as he pulled the pants up until they settled around my waist, and then I was curling back up into his arms. I kept my other arm cradled to my chest as it throbbed, and bit back a sob that was brought along when I was shifted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His eyes were red, Jake.” I couldn’t get the image of them out of my mind. The amber I had grown used to was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a bright, ruby red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, honey.” I heard Jake murmur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It got harder to breathe as the knowledge that Jake had seen him hit me. I could feel the hysteria bubbling in my chest, and I didn’t even try to keep it out of my voice as I spoke. “Where’d he go? Is he still here? Jake, he’s going to hurt me, please, we have to go! Please, don’t let him-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bells, hey,” His voice was calm in my ear as he cut me off. “He can’t hurt you again, he’s gone now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’d heard that before, all those months ago, the first time he left. Dad had said those same words, had told me that he was gone and that he wouldn’t hurt me again, but he did! Why didn’t Jake understand that it wasn’t safe?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll come back! I thought he was gone and he still came back and he’ll come back again!” I was barely able to breathe as I started sobbing again. He was going to come back and hurt me again, I knew he would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s dead, Bella.” Jake’s voice sounded even, but there was an edge to it as it rose above the noise of my crying. “I took care of him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was gasping now, searching for a way to fill my lungs with air as I took in what he had just said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? He’s dead?” I tightened the hold I still had on his arm, unable to believe what I was hearing. “He’s gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” his tone was sure, and there was no way he would lie to me about this. I promise that he’ll never get to you again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was dead. He would never come back. I let out a sigh as I shivered slightly, feeling the pain coursing through my body as exhaustion set in. The knowledge that he was dead sunk in, and I felt relief fill me, and finally let myself fall into the pain, promptly passing out.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <span>My mind felt heavy - fuzzy - as I woke up, and I whined as I felt different pains throughout my body. I spent a few moments in that place, eyes still closed but slowly willing myself to wake up fully, before I shifted slightly, wanting to turn over. Pain shot through me and my eyes snapped open, and I sat up with a gasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a heavy hand on my shoulder and I squeezed my eyes shut, flinching and pushing myself back, falling onto a hard surface. Tears had filled my eyes as my whole body throbbed, and I groaned, blinking several times but staying where I was lying down. I finally looked up, and made out that Jake was above me, looking down with a smile that didn’t quite look right. He offered me his hand, and I reached up to accept the help before stopping short. There was a cast on my arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that there?” My throat felt like it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, and I grimaced at the pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jake pulled me back up onto the couch, where I nestled in under his arm. “You broke your wrist, Bells.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” I didn’t remember doing that. Come to think of it, I couldn’t think of much more than the pain. “Everything hurts?” I tilted my head, looking up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what happened?” his voice was soft, almost a whisper. I started to shake my head as I thought about anything that had happened before I had woken up, before stopping and nodding. I lowered my head into his chest as it all hit me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came back. He took me. His eyes were red, and he brought me to his house. He taunted me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He hurt me.” I whispered, not trusting my voice to speak any louder. “He took me and he hurt me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a series of sounds from another room and I flinched at the volume. I looked up quickly, first towards the sound and then scanning the rest of the room. Sam, Emily, and Leah were all standing there, watching me, and I blushed at the fact that I hadn’t noticed them earlier. I looked back down, toying with my cast as I avoided their eyes. I heard two of them walk away, but one of them stayed and walked toward Jake and I. My head shot up at the approaching footsteps, but I relaxed when I saw that it was just Emily. She crouched down in front of me, resting a hand on my knee, and she smiled at me softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about a bath, Bella?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know why I looked up at Jake, but his encouraging nod had me nodding at Emily’s suggestion. I moved to get up but froze as pain shot through me, before I rocked back to where I had been sitting and groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurts,” was all I could get out, panting a little as I became more aware of my body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I carry you up?” Jake’s voice sounded far away, muffled by what I was feeling, but I nodded. He pulled me into his arms as he got to his feet, and I stifled another groan at the movement as he carried me up the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I kept my eyes shut, breathing through the waves of pain, as I heard the tub being filled, and felt someone wrapping my cast. The door to the bathroom shut, and the faucet turned off, before I opened my eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jake was kneeling in front of where he had sat me down on the toilet, his warm hands holding my uninjured one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it okay if I help you out of your clothes, help you wash up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt my heart skip a beat as I thought of him seeing me without my clothes on, in such an intimate way, before I realized that he had been the one to find me and that he had probably already seen everything. I nodded slowly and he smiled softly, before he began to help me undress. I was grateful that he moved slowly, and he even looked away once I was completely bare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I held onto his arm as I stepped into the tub, and he helped me settle into the warm water while keeping the cast hanging over the edge. I curled into myself, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my one good arm around them, trying to protect as much as myself from his view. I closed my eyes and sighed softly as I rested my chin on my knees, letting the warmth of the water soothe the aches and pains in my body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, I turned and looked up at where my friend was sitting beside the tub. Even though the water was warm, I couldn’t help but feel the chill of the hands that had been all over me, and I shivered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get in with me?” I spoke before I could overthink the implications, the intimacy of the action. Jake was warm, and I knew that his hands would help pull away the cold that seemed to settle into my bones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” His voice was quiet, and his face was worried as he looked at me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned my head away after nodding, resting my chin back on my knees and slipping my eyes shut as I heard him undress. I tensed as I heard him unzip his pants, remembering the same sound from right before </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> had hurt me. I sucked in a deep breath, reminding myself that he was dead and that this was Jake. Jacob, who had never once hurt me and who had just saved me. There was a moment of silence as I relaxed, and then I felt him slide into the tub in front of me. He had one leg on each side of me, and I almost laughed as I looked at him, seeing his size compared to the tub. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I let my eyes fall closed again as he washed my hair. He was so gentle, massaging my scalp with his warm hands and then brushing his fingers through the ends slowly, mindful of knots. He moved down to my shoulders, and I felt the ache as he rubbed softly over the new bruises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn around,” he whispered softly, and I let him help me adjust until my back was to him. He continued his careful washing down my back, and I sighed as I felt his fingers ghost over sore spots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he got to my lower back I felt his hands pause, and he rested them there. They were stopped right over the backs of my hips, and I relished in the soothing feeling that came from his warm hands on the bruised flesh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, do you want me to wash anywhere else?” He cleared his throat after he asked, and I felt my face heat up with a blush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” I said quietly, embarrassed. “I’ll wait until I can shower myself. Just the water is fine for now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was silent after that, and we sat in the water for a few more minutes. He rubbed my back slowly, and I grabbed his hand as it neared my shoulder. It was awkward, holding his hand like this with him behind me, but he didn’t seem to mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shivered slightly as the water cooled, and felt Jake stand behind me, getting out of the tub. I heard the sounds of him putting clothing on before he reached in front of me, pulling out the stopper and draping a towel over my shoulders as I watched the water, tinted pink, swirl down the drain. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he helped me up and out of the tub and to the toilet seat, where he helped me get dressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sue wants to drop by and do a checkup, get you anything for the pain. The pack also wants to see you, make sure you’re okay with their own eyes. What are you comfortable with right now?” He was kneeling in front of me once I was fully dressed, catching my eyes with his as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay for Sue to come,” I spoke softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, and went to get up, but I grabbed his arm to keep him where he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s probably a good idea for the pack to see me as soon as possible, before . . .” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bella?” He blinked at me as I trailed off, and I felt my cheeks heat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, the withdrawal symptoms are probably going to kick in soon. I don’t think any medication from Sue would really do much for me.” My voice lowered as I kept talking. “I’ll be a mess, Jake. It’s better that the pack sees me as soon as possible. I don’t want them to see me like that.” My voice cracked, but I forced the tears away. I could feel the fuzzy feeling starting to disappear, and knew that it would only be a matter of time before I started feeling really sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jake picked me up carefully, telling me that Sue was on her way, and carried me down to the living room, where the rest of the pack was waiting. He went to sit me on the couch, but I clutched onto his shirt, not wanting to sit alone, and he shifted so that I could sit on his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked around at the pack, taking in how they all seemed to be holding their breath, and smiled at them softly. They all seemed to relax after that, turning to their own separate conversations, and I was grateful when they left me alone. I looked to where Quil and Embry were standing together, leaning against the wall opposite to Jake and I, and exchanged nods with them. I let myself zone out, feeling a dizziness fill my head before Sue arrived, and Jake carried me to a more private guest room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lay me down on the bed and sat down where my head was, and I let out a long, shaking breath as I felt Sue pulling down my pants after she draped a blanket over my legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sue walked me through everything she was doing as she examined me, but her words did little to prepare me for the pain as she prodded at my bruises. I held Jake’s hand in my own and squeezed it every time the pain got to be a bit too much, barely listening as he reminded me to breathe. I froze as Sue asked me to spread my legs, tears sliding down my face, but let them fall open. The pain of her examination between my legs was the worst, and I turned my face into Jake’s thigh, trying to hide myself. I really didn’t want to be here, but I knew that it would be over soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, sweetheart,” Sue’s voice was thick and I noticed the tears in her eyes as she helped me get dressed. My chest felt tight as I heard her tone, reminding me of my mother’s when I was little and would get hurt, and I realized just how much I missed my mom, or what she should’ve been. “You’re covered in bruises, but your wrists, hips, and lower stomach are the worst. You've got a little bit of tearing, but not bad enough for stitches. Please stay off of your feet as much as possible, until everything heals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jake had propped me up against his side as I nodded, and I let the tears run freely down my face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to ask,” her voice sounded apologetic as she looked me in the eyes. “Do you need any contraceptive options?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” my voice broke, but I pushed on. “He said that he couldn’t stomach using the same place as dogs, that he needed protection.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I let the implication hang in the air, and knew that Jake understood as I felt a growl vibrate through his chest. I brought my hand up to my face, wiping at the tears, and noticed that the tremors were already starting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sue gasped quietly, and I knew that she had noticed too. “The withdrawal, ‘course” she spoke mostly to herself before looking between Jake and I. “Do you want to stay here for it, or go to Jake’s house?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jake’s?” I didn’t even have to weigh my options before I asked. If I stayed at Sam and Emily’s, they would have to bear witness to everything that happens, whereas at Jake’s it would only be himself and Billy, who had already been with me throughout everything.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>We moved quickly after that, Jake bringing me out to where someone had left the truck and Sue staying behind to talk to the pack. Billy was already waiting by the door when we arrived, and he held it open as Jake carried me in.I could barely keep my eyes open as he carried me, nausea settling in the pit of my stomach. He walked us to his bedroom but I shook my head as he went to put me on his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, bathroom. ‘m going to be really sick, got to stay close to the washroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was shivering as he carried me to the bathroom, and they only got worse as he sat down on the floor, keeping me in his lap. Billy followed us to the bathroom, but I was barely even aware of him as he asked if I needed anything. I shook my head, curling further into Jake’s warmth.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella goes through withdrawal, then bonds with Emily and Leah, and learns more about the pack.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I got super critical of what I had initially posted as chapters 11-13, so I’ve rewritten them!</p><p>If you’ve been following along with updates as of March 31, 2021, then I ask that you go back and reread chapters 11 through 13. </p><p>I’m going to be including this note before the aforementioned chapters, just as a reminder!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“If it gets to be too much, don’t feel bad about taking a break. I’ve done it alone before, and it’s okay if you can’t be here the whole time, I don’t expect you to stay.” I had said as the shivering got worse, and I could barely keep my eyes open. “I don’t really know how bad it’s going to get. I wasn’t around him for as long as the other times, but I was so much closer than I’ve ever been. He was everywhere, Jake, all over me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had felt his hand on my back, stroking slowly, as he assured me that he wouldn’t be going anywhere, that he would stay with me no matter how bad it got. I let myself slip into sleep after that, trusting him. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It ended up taking five days for the really bad symptoms to start to clear up, and on the sixth they were nearly gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those five days were spent entirely in the bathroom, and I was either in Jake’s lap on the floor, kneeling over the toilet bowl, curled up with my face pressed to the cold floor - which, though absolutely disgusting, offered the sweetest relief - or on his lap in the shower, with the water turned to the coldest temperature. I had full body tremors, the whole time, and I would float in and out of consciousness. Most of my time awake was spent throwing up, and when I was asleep I could barely get any rest with the nightmares that hounded me. I ran a high fever that never seemed to break for days. I would go from having the worst chills, clinging to Jake, but sweating buckets, to shivering so hard I thought my teeth would fall out, but pushing Jake away because of how hot I felt. We sat in darkness for all of those five days, my pounding headache making me insanely sensitive to the light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy would stop by with food from Emily, mostly for Jake, and I could only stomach crackers, tea, and sports drinks. I would hear Jake and his dad talking as I drifted in and out of consciousness, but never enough to make out what they were saying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if the physical symptoms weren’t already bad enough, the nightmares made everything much worse. If I wasn’t remembering what had happened with Edward, I was dreaming of my dad, and his final moments. I would wake up to Jake shaking me lightly after I had screamed my throat raw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke early in the morning, just after midnight, on the sixth day, and was relieved to find that my fever had broken. I decided that my stomach had settled enough for me to leave the bathroom, and Jake had carried me to his room, where we both crashed on his bed. I fell asleep instantly and stayed that way until I woke up screaming as six in the morning. I clung to Jake as he rocked me, sobbing into his shoulder for almost an hour before I fell back to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At around nine I opened my eyes again, but much more peacefully than the last time. I yawned and carefully sat up, looking down to where Jake was groggily smiling at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G’morning,” I mumbled, my voice raspy, and I scrunched up my nose at the sound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Morning,” Jake’s voice held the same rasp, and he yawned into his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel better!” I smiled, relieved that I no longer felt nauseous or dizzy, and that my headache was gone. I was bordering on giddy as I realized that the worst of the symptoms had passed, and that I could get on with my life and with working to recover.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad,” Jake grinned up at me.”You up for some breakfast then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hummed and nodded, and he got up, carrying me to the bathroom so that we could brush our teeth and wash our faces, before he carried me out. I was still on orders from Sue, and couldn’t walk on my own, but now that I wasn’t basically intoxicated and understood what it meant, I was complaining freely at the fact that I had to be carried around everywhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, Jake,” I sent him my best pout as he carried me to the kitchen table, and he laughed. “I’m not some damsel in distress!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>princess</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he stuck out his tongue at me. “Doctor’s orders.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I huffed as he sat me down, but didn’t bother arguing. He got started on breakfast, but it was more for himself as I couldn’t stomach much more than toast yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go see the pack,” I said half way through breakfast, looking down at my plate. I couldn’t help but think of how they had last seen me. “I need to thank everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bells, you know they don’t need any thanks, right? We protect our family.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I just,” I huffed, glancing up and seeing the confusion on his face. “I really want to thank them. You guys do so much and barely anybody actually knows about it. You deserve the recognition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true. Even though everyone in the community knew the legends, they didn’t know that there was any truth to them. Instead of seeing the pack as the protectors that they are, they see them as some sort of gang. The only recognition they ever got was from the council members, myself, or Emily. Half of them couldn’t even tell their own parents, and there were only so many excuses they could come up with before it was easier to just let their parents think that they were in a gang. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was a relief when we got to Emily’s, and Jake had to carry me out, that he carried me on his back instead of in his arms. I had felt so frail and helpless over the past week, and it means something for me not to have to be carried in like I was weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Quil, Embry, and Seth came running out and I couldn’t help but laugh as they fooled around - they treated me like it was just any other day and I was relieved. Emily reprimanded them of course, but I didn’t mind it. I reached for her hand as I was carried past her, into the house, and made sure she knew to come sit with me once Jake sat me on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed off into the kitchen, and I caught sight of the rest of the pack in there before the door swung shut behind him. I was glad when Emily didn’t ask me any questions, and instead told me about how she had basically grounded the pack for the past week, barring them from bugging Jake and I at his house. She told me about all of the trouble they had gotten up to and how they had taken over her own home, and I laughed along with her stories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We spent the rest of the day there, joking around and enjoying each other's company. Sue had stopped by to check in on my injuries, and it lifted my mood even more to hear that I was healing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, some of the boys seemed a little shy and like they were hesitating to even look at me, but I made sure to catch their eyes and send them smiles. I knew that it was a rough situation, and that nobody really knew how to approach me properly, but I wasn’t upset by their hesitance. Besides, all of their shyness disappeared after I insisted on funding a makeshift pizza party as a sign of gratitude towards the pack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pack had some weird thing about not needing any recognition, and claimed that they were just doing what they were destined to do, but I could tell how much they loved the fact that at least someone was able to thank them. Even though they would never mention it, the judgement from their community took its toll. They were putting their lives on the line before they had even had a chance to start said lives, and hardly anybody knew about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the day went on, the pack had all warmed up and everything seemed normal, like it had been on the days we spent together before, but I caught the guys sending me looks every once in a while, when they didn’t think I was focusing on them. I knew they were worried, but  I shook it off for the most part. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, as the sun was setting and some of the younger pack members were making their ways home, I asked Jake if he could bring me up to the spare bedroom and leave me to talk with Emily and Leah. He joked about me kicking him out of someone else’s house, but took it in stride and kicked all of the guys out. I wanted to talk to the girls separately, and I knew it would be easier with them. I wasn’t sure what I could talk about without upsetting the guys too much and I didn’t want to accidentally trigger a phase, but I had faith that Leah had the control not to phase. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” I started after we had settled in and talked lightly for a few minutes. “I know some of the guys are worried about, well, how I’m acting. I know they won’t say anything, but I don’t really know how to show them that I’m not covering up what I’m feeling or whatever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched Leah and Emily exchange a look, before they both smiled at me, “Bella, honestly, I don’t think any of us know how to react to you right now,” Emily started. “I don’t mean that in a bad way, of course! I just don’t think anyone was expecting you to seem this, well, okay!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, especially the guys,” Leah added. “everyone is here to support you, but they’re really feeling out of their element.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean to worry everyone,” I confessed. “I don’t even know how I’m feeling. I’m upset, and hurt, and so scared, but I’m also beyond happy to know that he’s gone for good, and that he can never get to me again. It feels horrible to say, but I’m so glad he’s dead! I don’t know how to tell the guys that without them thinking I’m crazy, but I’m really just happy he’s dead.” I let out somewhat of a hysterical laugh before continuing. “I don’t have to worry about him coming back again, I don’t have to constantly feel like I need to look over my shoulder, like he’ll appear and take me away again, because he’s dead!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can assure you that </span>
  <em>
    <span>none </span>
  </em>
  <span>of them would think you’re crazy for saying that.” Leah shook her head and laughed. “I’ve been in all of their heads this week, and everyone is ecstatic that he’s gone, and that his family are never coming back. Seriously, some of them were even trying to figure out how to pitch a celebration without upsetting you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but smile at that. I wouldn’t go as far as throwing a party about it, but I was glad to hear that everyone was on the same page as me. Knowing that the pack was there for me, still, just reminded me of the fact that they were a real family, and an amazing one at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” I shook my head and kept talking when both women tried to interrupt me. “Really, I know the pack doesn’t like thanks, but I wouldn’t have made it through these past few months without all of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re family, Bella,” Emily pulled my hand into her own and smiled at me warmly. “You’re a part of the pack, whether you like it or not! We protect our own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not a part of any of your families,” I was confused by this. I couldn’t be pack, I was just a human friend of Jacob. “I don’t even really have a connection to the pack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think it was ever an option not to help you.” Leah smiled at me, rolling her eyes. “And it doesn’t matter that you’re not connected to us by blood, you’re still our family. How much has Jake really told you about the pack? We’re a pretty ragtag group.” She smiled as Emily laughed at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much,” after thinking about it, he hadn’t told me much more than the legend about the cold ones. “He told me the order of who phased when, and that your shifting, Leah, was unusual, and that something happened with you and Sam. He also told me a few of the legends, but not much else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Leah was smiling a bit, and I wondered what I had really missed out on. “Huh, he really does mind his own business then!” She was speaking to Emily at the last part, and the other woman nodded along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much did I miss?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if the other guys want us to tell you their stories, but we can tell you ours.” Leah started. “You’re right that my shifting was unusual. The guys have all been pretty good about it, considering they unwillingly have to share their thoughts with a girl. The first few weeks were rough, but eventually we all learned to filter our own thoughts, and to not look at each other before and after phasing. I really struggled with having to strip in front of them, but they were all pretty understanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed before continuing. “That doesn’t mean they didn’t all get a glimpse, and I’ve seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>of them too. Every once in a while people’s thoughts slip and it gets a little weird, but we all try to ignore it. I think the worst part is having to see my brother and ex-boyfriend’s thoughts, as well as have them see mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ex-boyfriend? You dated one of the guys?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam and I dated for a few years, yeah.” Leah said it like it was something casual, but I blinked hard, looking between the two girls and remembering that they were cousins. I hadn’t known that Leah and Sam had been dating, but he and Emily seemed pretty committed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There didn’t seem to be any bad blood between the two girls in front of me as they smiled at each other. “It was hard at first. He was the first to shift, and had to go through everything alone. We dated all throughout high school, but he disappeared for a few weeks at the end of our senior year, and wasn’t the same when he got back. He was all distant, and wouldn’t tell me what had happened to him. I know now that he couldn’t tell me, that it really was a huge secret, but at the time I just felt like he was hiding from me, and our relationship was spiralling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leah kept her eyes on her hands as she spoke, and Emily was watching her with a sad smile. “He started to adjust, and he seemed to be getting better. Then my lovely cousin here came for a visit, and it all went belly up from there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily rolled her eyes at the comment, but Leah kept going. “He stormed out almost as soon as she entered the room, and then disappeared for another week. Then he showed up at my door, and broke up with me. I couldn’t understand what had happened, what had led to a four year relationship ending. Em was there for me though, the whole time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had no clue what had happened either.” Emily picked up where Leah left off. “I walked into my cousin’s house and then all of the sudden her boyfriend - who I had met countless times before - bolts? And then disappears for a week? Then breaks up with her? Of course I was going to support her! We were on the phone almost every night for weeks, and then one day Sam shows up at my door.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m barely processing what I’m hearing at this point. Leah and Emily seem to be so relaxed saying this, but I can’t get past the fact that Sam left Leah for her </span>
  <em>
    <span>cousin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and that they’re all on good terms! The girls must see the confusion on my face, but they keep going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First of all, he didn’t even bring a car! He just showed up at my door, shirtless and without shoes, and tells me that we need to talk.” Emily says incredulously, and Leah laughs at her tone. “He brought me out to the forest and told me everything, and then turned into this huge wolf right in front of me. I honestly thought I was having some weird dream, but it was all true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was really scared at first. When I was a little kid, I was attacked by a dog. That’s how I got these scars.” She rubbed at her cheek as she spoke. “I had a major fear of dogs after that, so I nearly passed out when he went from having two legs to being a huge wolf, the size of a horse. And then he tells me I’m his imprint!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before I can ask, Leah starts talking again. “Now, you have to understand that he was still the only wolf, and that the only information he had - or any of us still have - comes from experience or the council members. Billy, Old Quil, and my dad had all been kids when the last few of the last pack were on their way out, so they have limited information regardless. Most of what we know comes from legend, and for as thorough as they are, they don’t have every answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I nodded, and kept my eyes on Leah as she went on. “Imprinting is rare, and Sam was the only wolf at the time, so it was all really confusing for him. All he knew was that the second he had made eye contact with Em, his whole world had changed. He thought he was going crazy, and that’s why he took off. He figured it out after he returned and finally spoke to my dad. He explained that imprinting is basically our own version of finding our soulmate, so to speak. We don’t know why it happens, only that we need to be close to our imprints.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An imprint can be anything, in theory.” Emily explained. “Nobody really knows what the intention behind an imprint is. The council thinks that they’re for reproductive purposes, to create the next generation of strong wolves, but they’re not even sure. The imprint can manifest itself as a friend, a parental figure, a sibling figure, a lover, whatever the imprintee needs at the time. Sam didn’t understand what he was feeling, didn’t understand that being romantically involved wasn’t our only option, but he didn’t want to hurt Leah even more. He broke up with her because he didn’t know what he was feeling, and he didn’t want to mess things up even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It still stung, hurt like a bitch.” While Leah’s words were bitter, her tone was anything but. “We had planned a future together. But Emily called me as soon as he left her house. She couldn’t tell me about any of the shifter stuff, but she told me that he had come to her claiming that he needed her in his life. For almost a month after that he would call and show up at her house, but she would send him away after they argued. She didn’t want to hurt me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eventually he stopped coming around as much.” Emily had taken Leah’s hand in her own as she spoke. “I thought he had finally given up. Turns out Paul and Jared had joined him, and he had taken on the position of Alpha. Once they had become more accustomed to being wolves, he started coming around more. The more he came, the more we fought. It went on for months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At that point I had started getting over him. Before we broke up we had been planning on going to the same college, but I ended up taking a gap year to sort out what I really wanted to do. Then, my mom tells me that she heard from my aunt that Sam and Emily were officially together, and that set me back a bit. Last time I had heard from Em, she hated Sam for what he had done to me and what he was trying to do with her, but then they were dating? Yeah, that one messed me up.” Leah shook her head after she spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t talk for a while after that.” Emily sent another sad smile to Leah. “Sam had eventually convinced me that we were meant to be together, and I couldn’t avoid my own feelings anymore. It killed me to hurt Leah like that, so I gave her the space she needed. She couldn’t find out about the imprint, because she wasn’t a shifter, so it just seemed like her cousin had shacked up with her ex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was really angry for a long time. I only found out about the imprint and everything else after I shifted. Even then, I was still angry. I saw it as Emily getting the future I wanted, one where she would marry Sam, have his kids, live happily ever after, all that. The kids thing was especially hard. I stopped getting my cycle after I shifted the first time, and it hasn’t come back, so I had to deal with the fact that I was suddenly unable to bear children, as well as turn into a giant wolf. Do you know how hard that is?” I saw tears well up in Leah’s eyes at this, and couldn’t help but feel a lump in my own throat as I nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leah froze at this, blinking at me. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, that she was just upset, but it still struck a chord. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine stopped when I started going through withdrawal the first time, probably because of the stress. But it never came back after I recovered, but I didn’t have a chance to go to a doctor with everything that’s been going on.” Leah reached out and held my hand in her own, and I knew that we had a moment of understanding. While the circumstances were different, we were in the same situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got used to being around the two of them, being in Sam’s head, and being around them as a couple. I was over Sam at this point, but the situations still sucked. It was only recently, over the past two weeks maybe, that Emily and I reconnected. It wasn’t hard to get back to where we were before, now that I understood what had happened.” Leah finished off their story and smiled at the other girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily and Leah continued to talk to each other for a few minutes while I sat there, thinking to myself. I was still taking in and mulling over all of the details of their story, but I was still amazed at how close they were considering what had happened. Was an imprint really that strong? I wondered what it felt like, to be totally in sync with one person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Em?” I spoke up when there was a lull in their conversation, not wanting to interrupt. “Can I ask you more about the imprint? Or both of you, since you’re in everyone’s heads, Leah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go for it!” Emily encourages me with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it really just that sudden? Like, you knew Sam for years, through Leah, and out of the blue he just imprints on you? Had he never looked at you before?” I had so many more questions, but settled for these to start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It only happens after you shift. We don’t know why it’s like that either, because it’s not like we don’t have the gene in us before that. I guess once the shift happens, and you’re connected to your wolf, you can imprint?” Leah took over the answer. “I’ve seen it through some of the guys’ eyes, and it’s pretty freaky. It’s like you get this weird tunnel vision, and you can only see your imprint. Then you blink, and the moment’s over, but your whole world feels like it’s shifted under your feet, and suddenly the only thing you can think about is your imprint.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Jared’s imprinted. He goes to school with his, her name’s Kim.” Emily answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t she ever around?” I had never seen Kim before, never mind heard of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“School’s only been out for a week, so she’s been pretty busy before now.” Emily smiled. “She’s also really shy, so Jared’s trying to slowly introduce her to the pack without overwhelming her. You’ll probably meet her soon enough!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We talked for a few minutes before Emily was calling the pack back to the house, and everyone insisted on signing my cast before Jake and I left. The last thing I remember was hearing Jake softly humming as he drove us back to his house, before I dozed off. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted to get Bella to bond a bit with Emily and Leah, as well as dive into their own stories.</p><p>I hate how canon Leah is seen as this cold hearted bitch, when her reaction is totally justified. Not only is she forced to be in her ex's brain, said ex is now engaged to her cousin (who was once like a sister to her), and she had to watch her father die (while believing that it was her fault)! but all of the guys are like "boo hoo she can't get over her ex" like it's so much more than that???</p><p>Anyways, I didn't kill Harry, because I could never do that to Leah or Seth. And she's also more receptive to the idea of imprinting, and she isn't angry at Emily because she knows that it's fate or whatever. </p><p>Also changed up Emily's story a bit because I like the whole idea that a wolf can't hurt their imprint, and it makes no sense that Sam could hurt her???</p><p>Hope this chapter was okay! I fell into a bit of a low this week, skipped a bunch of school, and couldn't concentrate much on anything, but I really wanted to get another chapter out and try to force myself out of the low. I hope it's okay!</p><p>Feedback is always welcome, and there's nothing more I love than a comment :) Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella is working through recovery, spends more time with the pack, and Jake gets emotional.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I got super critical of what I had initially posted as chapters 11-13, so I’ve rewritten them!</p><p>If you’ve been following along with updates as of March 31, 2021, then I ask that you go back and reread chapters 11 through 13. </p><p>I’m going to be including this note before the aforementioned chapters, just as a reminder!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I blinked awake as the rumbling of the engine cut off, but let myself stay in that groggy place between sleep and being fully awake as Jake carried me into the house. He set me on his bed, and told me that he would be back in a minute, that he was just going to talk to his dad. I pulled a blanket tighter around me as he left the room, and was grateful that he had kept the door open so that I could see the back of his head as he sat beside his father in the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were speaking in low voices, but I still heard most of their conversation. Though I felt like I was intruding on a private moment, I couldn’t help but listen in, knowing that they would have gone outside or something if they wanted to be fully alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing well, son,” I watched as Billy rested his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “you’re being exactly what she needs right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what that is though,” Jake shook off his father’s hand, and cradled his head in his own hands. I felt my eyes sting at the stressed tone of his voice. “I don’t even know how to help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s response was low, and I strained to hear bits of it. “- instincts, Jake. Your mother would be proud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My own breath caught in my throat as I watched Jake turn to his dad, and saw as much of his expression as I could from his side profile. His face held a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and his shoulders were drawn in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She would have been proud of the man you’ve become, how you’ve done nothing but respect and help people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two didn’t speak again after that, but they sat together for another few minutes. Just as I was dozing off, Jake came back into his room, and I watched through cracked eyelids as he changed quickly, before he slid into bed with me, pulling me to rest my head on his chest. I hummed softly, fisting his shirt as I relaxed and fell asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The third week of July marked three weeks after graduation. Initially, in the first few days that followed the worst of the withdrawal symptoms leaving my system, I had been content, knowing that anything that remained was much better in comparison. That mindset quickly went away, as it had been two weeks since the worst had passed and I still couldn’t stomach much food, and had episodes of violent tremors. I wasn’t getting much sleep, wanting to avoid the nightmares, and when I finally did give in the exhaustion seemed to make them so much worse. I rarely woke up of my own accord, instead being shaken awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had also started experiencing episodes in which I would completely shut down, and basically pass out. Sometimes a certain sound or movement triggered them, but most of the time they were unexpected. Something would remind me of that night, of the assault, and I would go weak in the knees, hit the floor, and become unresponsive. My eyes would stay open, and I knew that I was awake, but I would lose myself in the memories. Jake and Billy had gone into a panic the first time it had happened, calling Sue frantically only for her to explain that they just had to let me work through it. She later sat me down to work on grounding techniques in those moments, so that I could bring myself back to reality and try to find my way out of the flashbacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though breathing and reminding myself that it was over, that I had moved on, worked well, the best way to pull me out of these episodes turned out to be Jacob. He would settle on the floor with me, pulling me to his side while I sobbed, being forced to relive that night over and over, and talk me down. He would repeat that it was over, that he was dead, and would list all of the things that surrounded us until I could join him in identifying things. He would remind me to breathe, pulling my hand up to rest against his chest and follow the rise and fall of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was grateful when these episodes happened in the privacy of Jake’s home, but would feel guilty and embarrassed whenever they happened anywhere else. We’d be at Emily’s house with the pack, or over at the Clearwater’s for lunch, and someone would move too quickly in my peripheral and I would hit the floor. I felt horrible afterwards, because whoever’s movement triggered the episode would seem so apologetic - no matter how many times I explained that it wasn’t in their control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sue had been really helpful, and I had started talking to her about everything that had happened. I couldn’t really go see a professional, as most of my issues and trauma revolved around the supernatural, but Sue was a good support. As a nurse she had gone through some trauma response training, and had taken to reading up on the subject so that she could help me. She would remind me that my recovery wasn’t linear but more fluid, that I would have setbacks even when I felt like I was doing well. She had also taken it upon herself to talk to the pack, especially after they had seen some episodes, to remind them that they had done nothing wrong either, that I was just reacting in a split second of panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had also continued to track my physical healing, and even though I was progressing well, it seemed like my mind wanted to keep me trapped in my trauma - and I shared as much with Jake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m never going to forget it, am I?” I asked him quietly one night, after he had woken me up from a nightmare. “There’s always going to be something to remind me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jake sighed heavily, and tightened his arm around me. “It’ll get better, Bells. You’ll heal and recover.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But there will always be something, won’t there?” I scratched at the cold scar on my wrist as I spoke. Even after everything else healed, I would always have that stupid mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? You can heal, and it’ll all improve.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I scratched at the cold scar on my wrist as I spoke. Even after everything else healed, I would always have that stupid mark. I hated how it was always so much cooler than the rest of my skin, and would shiver whenever it reminded me of the equally cold body that had been pressed against my own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This will always be here.” I lifted my arm up with a huff, and Jake finally noticed what I was talking about. He sucked in a breath, and reached out to trace the scar lightly with his fingers. The heat felt wonderful against it, giving me some relief from the chill it usually held. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew that he had noticed it before, and had caught him looking at it in passing, but he had never asked about it. He knew how I had gotten it, knew the basic story, but I hadn’t shared much else about the night that I had gotten it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped his hand around my wrist, covering the mark, and I hummed at the warmth. “I don’t notice or hate it as much like that, when you hold it. The warmth is nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed it slightly before shifting his hand so that he could rub his thumb over it but still kept a hold on my wrist. I let myself sink into the soothing feeling for a moment before I kept talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It reminds me of one of the most painful nights of my life,” I shivered as he removed his hand so that he could adjust how we were lying, so that I was closer to him, before he put his hand over the scar again. “It was the first time I thought I was going to die, and it hurt so much. It burned, y’know? They didn’t let the venom stay for too long, but in those few minutes I wished that James had just killed me instead. And now I’m stuck with the constant reminder of that pain, as well as the constant reminder of how much the cold hurts too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t speak after that, and I stayed silent for a minute before I kept going. “It’s the same temperature as them, and it feels like it sends a chill into the bone. It aches, especially during the winter, and I hate everything it represents.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I let myself drift off once I had finished talking, enjoying the way his warm hand erased all remnants of the cold. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sue had cleared me to walk on my own just before I hit the four week mark since graduation, and even though I still had a few aches and pains it felt insanely good to be on my own two feet again. I still had another two weeks before the cast came off my arm and I moved onto a brace, and I was counting down the minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There weren’t many places I was comfortable going, but with my ability to walk Jake insisted that we go out often. I avoided First Beach, where the after party had been held, so he brought me to Rialto Beach instead, where we would walk along the shoreline and to an outcropping of rocks, where we would sit for a few hours, soaking in the warmth of summer. Sometimes other pack members would join us, and more often than not I found myself spending time with Jake, Embry, and Quil. It reminded me of the way we would hang out a few months ago, in Jake’s garage, and I was grateful for the sense of normalcy they brought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had yet to go back to my dad’s house, remembering how Edward had shared that the smell of his blood remained. Even though I couldn’t smell it myself, it haunted me to know that the house would always hold onto traces of what had happened. Besides, it was nice to stay on the reservation, surrounded by people who had protected me and stuck with me through so much, providing me endless support. I alternated between Jake’s house, Emily’s, and the Clearwater’s, as well as some of the other pack members’ houses. I had finally met Jared’s imprint, Kim, and it had become some sort of a routine to spend afternoons with her and Emily. She was easy to get along with, and her shy demeanor reminded me of Angela. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hadn’t stayed in contact with my friends in Forks, though not for a lack of trying on their part. Jake had pushed me to get a cellphone early in July, in case I ever needed to contact him - as if he wasn’t always close enough for me to simply call his name - and had given my number to Angela, which meant that the rest of the group from Forks had gotten it as well. They had called or texted for a few weeks, but I had avoided their calls, and messages went unanswered. I didn’t mean to connect them to bad memories, but unfortunately couldn’t control it. In my mind, I associated meeting them with meeting the Cullens, and everything else that Forks had brought me. It didn’t help that I had also been spending time with all of them the night of graduation, and that I didn’t want to tell them what had happened. It would be too hard to explain, and I didn’t want to be forced to try in case something triggered an episode while I was around them. It was easier to just break ties, even though I missed them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The new cellphone also meant another way for my mother to contact me. She had taken to calling me almost daily, and leaving long messages to make up for her emails that remained unanswered. After my dad died I had been avoiding answering them, because she would go on and on about how horrible she felt about what had happened to him, and I essentially became her grief counsellor. It would be one thing if she stopped at that, but then she would follow up with stories about how wonderful her life in Florida was. After the night I had been assaulted, it started taking a much larger toll on me to listen to her whine. As much as I loved my mom, I couldn’t be responsible for every single one of her emotional needs, especially when I had my own to focus on in my recovery. I hated admitting it, but I held resentment towards her. She had taken me from Charlie when I was young, even though I was much more aligned with his habits of being a homebody. Then, throughout my childhood, the responsibilities in our home had fallen on me. As I grew up I became the one who handled the bills, groceries, and almost everything else. Phil had that responsibility now, but I hated that my mom had put me in a position where I was the one playing the parental role. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy had come to me after my mother had started calling his home phone, and asked if I could just talk to her once a week with the excuse that I was enjoying my summer. Her insistent need to vent to me had extended to Billy, and that’s where I drew the line. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom, please,” I had rolled my eyes as I cut off her frantic questions of why I hadn’t answered her calls. “I’m eighteen now, and it’s summer. I’m not spending every minute of the day on my phone or by my computer. And you can’t keep calling Billy, he’s too nice to tell you that he has things to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bella! It’s not my fault that’s the only way I can find out anything about your life,” I tried to play my snort off as a cough at this. “I worry about you. Are you sure you don’t want to move out here with Phil and I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, mom, I’m happy here, the Blacks are treating me well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t doubt it, but I’d love to see you and catch up. The weather’s been so nice recently, why don’t you come down for a visit?” I heard my mom sniffle on the other end, and cringed as I expected the tears. “I miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, mom, I miss you too.” I was wracking my brain for a way to divert the emotional impending meltdown. “Why don’t you come visit me here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that she had prattled on about Phil’s schedule, and how they couldn’t take the trip down. I knew that it was a long shot, that she did everything she could to avoid Forks, but it still stung a bit to hear her rejection. I wrapped up the call as soon as I could, reminding her again that I wasn’t always available to call and that I was safe. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since Jake had finished the Rabbit, he hadn't started any new projects in the garage, so pulled my truck in to tinker around and make some adjustments. He was currently hanging over the engine, the hood propped up over him, as I sat on a stool behind him and messed with the small radio he kept at his work table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jake?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed in response, not pausing or looking up, and I took a breath before I went on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever think about your mom?” my voice was quiet and I shut the radio off. I was thinking about the conversation he had had with Billy. Neither of them talked about her much outside of that, and my own memories were limited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as he turned, leaning back against the truck and wiping his hands off on his jeans. He smiled at me softly, and I looked down at my hands, fiddling with them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Bells,” his voice was soft, and I looked back up at him as he spoke. “Every single day. Why’d you ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing, I just -” I shook my head, cutting myself off and trying to sort out my thoughts. “You never really talk about her, and I talk about my dad a bunch. You know you can talk about her to me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t answer for a minute, just stared at me, and I felt myself blush as I turned back to the radio, mumbling a </span>
  <em>
    <span>never mind</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat after a minute, and I shut the radio off again as I looked at him again. “When my sisters were still here they didn’t really like to talk about her. It upset them too much. That’s why they left, y’know, because they couldn’t stand how much everything reminded them of her. I guess my dad and I just got used to not talking about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made sense - that they’d avoid the reminders. It’s what I had been doing too. I nodded as he paused. “I don’t know if you remember her much. I was only nine when she died, so you were, what, ten? Just about to turn ten?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I remember her a bit though. Mostly how nice she was. She would let me sit with her sometimes, while she painted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was the best.” His voice sounded tight with emotion, and I felt my heart clench. “It sucks that I didn’t get more time with her. She always knew exactly how to handle everything, no matter. I remember once, I think it was at your house actually, we were all playing outside with some of your neighbours’ kids, and one of the boys was teasing me about my hair. That night I cried to my mom, telling her that I wanted to cut it all off. She just shook her head, and said ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Little wolf, your hair is beautiful and you should be proud of it.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ and braided it for me, telling me that I should never be ashamed of who I was, or my culture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was endearing to hear him talk about Sarah. She had been a constant in my life, at least for those summers that I had spent here when I was younger, and I felt her loss in the years that followed her death. I remembered the day he had brought up, even though we were so young, and I remember not liking the way the kid had teased Jake. I’d always loved his long hair, and even been jealous of it for a time. I remembered their traditions, and how he’d had to cut his hair after she died. He’d explained to me again recently that with the shift he had to cut it again, the connection with his wolf representing a major life change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I noticed that his eyes were shining with tears, but prompted him to keep talking by asking about the nickname she had given him. “Little wolf?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed, nodding. “The legends of the wolves being our brothers and protectors was my favourite growing up. I’m pretty sure she knew that they were true and that I might shift one day, but I had no clue that it was what she meant when she called me that. All I knew was that I loved it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I giggled as he explained, picturing him as a little kid. He had been full of energy, always following myself, Rebecca, and Rachel, but had been especially close with his mother. We both stayed quiet for a moment, each in our own thoughts, before he spoke again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She never wanted me to shift.” His voice was thick, and I watched as a tear slipped down his face. “She knew how much stress it would bring, and she didn’t want that for me. I’m almost glad that she doesn’t have to see me now, just because of how much I knew it would worry her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I watched as his face crumbled, as he squeezed his eyes shut and choked back a sob. I got up then, walking over to him slowly. He opened his eyes again as I reached up towards his face, and let me brush the tears off of his cheeks with my uninjured hand. It broke my heart to watch him cry like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, he had cried with me a few times over the months, when everything got to be a bit too much, but that was mostly for my own pain. These tears were different, somehow. His shoulders shook, but he seemed to be holding back his sobs. Instead he made the soft choking sounds, and I felt my own eyes tear up. His face showed the pain of a little kid, that little boy who had lost his mom much too soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Jake,” I couldn’t help but whisper it as I watched him wipe his face, and felt my heart crack a bit more as he let out a watery laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” his voice was a little raspy and his cheeks held a small blush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of that,” I shook my head, meeting his eyes. “Hey, please, it’s okay to cry, Jake, especially about your mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged me into his chest, holding me tight as I wrapped my arms to curl around his waist, giving him a squeeze. He sniffled a few times, and felt a wetness collect where his chin rested on my head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon,” I said after a few minutes, wanting to comfort him more. “Let’s go back inside.” I was taking this from a page of his own book on comfort, guiding him to his room to lie down. I held his hand, bringing him first to the bathroom so that he could rinse the grease off of his hands, and then to his room where I sat down on the bed beside him, not letting go of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can talk about her whenever you want, okay?” I paused, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “I know it seems like I have a lot going on, but you can always talk to me about anything. Just because I’m sort of rocky doesn’t mean I can’t support you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Bells, she would’ve loved who you turned out to be,” He let out a shuddering breath, and was looking down at our joined hands. “how you grew up to be so amazing. You remind me of her, sometimes, with how kind you can be. I miss her, and I really wish she could see me now. I wish she could’ve had the chance to see both of us now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish she could see you too,” I had turned so that I was facing him, keeping my face serious as he looked up at me. “You’ve got all of her kindness, all of her love, and you have the best way of showing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think so?” His voice was soft, and I could hear the insecurity in his tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know so.” I squeezed his hand tightly, nodding hard. Jake was the nicest person I had ever had the chance of knowing. He was always giving so much support to anyone who needed it, regardless of what it took from him. He seemed perpetually happy, and he shared that with whoever was near. He was like the sun, and he warmed the lives of anyone around him. It was just who he was, in his nature, and I knew that his mom had held the same quality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We didn’t talk much after that, simply staying in each other’s company, but it was a comfortable silence.</span>
</p>
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